14 Totally Nice Gestures Men Do That Are Lowkey Creepy
Chivalry may not be dead, but sometimes it takes on the form of a stalker, or at the very least a creeper. Guys: we know you’re trying to be nice, but these gestures actually just send us running for the hills.
Walking you to your car/home
It’s nice that the guy doesn’t want you to be attacked by a robber—or worse—but you spend the whole walk wondering if he is a robber—or worse. And then all you can think is; “Now he knows where I live” or “Maybe he just wrote down my license plate number.” Men: if it’s the first time you’re meeting a woman, don’t walk her to her car or home, just the two of you. Put her in a cab if you really care.
Carrying your bags
You’re no fragile old lady. When a guy eagerly swoops up, out of nowhere, saying, “Let me take those for you” as he practically already is, you’re just worried he’s about to run off with them.
Locking the passenger side door
Is he trying to make sure nobody on the outside gets in, or that nobody on the inside gets out?? It’s especially creepy when a guy does this when the car is already well in motion, as if something is about to happen that would make you consider jumping out of a moving car!
Offering you a ride home
Women are no stranger to Stranger Danger! The guy might know he’s a standup citizen, trying to protect you from all the creepers in the neighborhood, but he has to realize that if he just rolled up, you have no way of knowing he’s not trying to kidnap you.
Leaving a note on your doorstep or car
“I see you walking in this neighborhood every morning” or “I noticed you going to work down the street and I think you’re cute…” The guy thinks it’s romantic: all you can think is somebody who you never even noticed before has been watching you! And now knows where you live or work or park.
Calling to say goodnight the night he got your number
You meet a guy at a bar, or on the beach, or in the grocery store, and give him your number. He calls you that night to say goodnight. Not to ask you on a date, but just to say goodnight. That’s not cute—that’s forced intimacy. He’s not your boyfriend!
Turning over his phone during dinner
Maybe the guy is trying to show you you have his full attention. But this is the age of technology—we all understand that people sometimes get urgent work calls at indecent hours. Going so far as to turn the phone over or off just makes a woman think her date has some other woman who might be texting.
Being pushy about paying
Like, really pushy. Going out of his way, to flag down the waitress and have her cancel the transaction you just put on your card while he was in the bathroom, or rushing up to the counter to pay for the pack of gum you’re buying yourself, when he was all the way across the store. This just starts to make a woman feel that a man wants her to be indebted to him…
You’re a grown woman. You can eat by yourself. Maybe feeding you one bite off of his dish so you can try it is okay. But ordering a bunch of “plates for the table” and obsessively feeding you every bite makes you think he has a problem.
Ordering for you
If he knows the restaurant and what to order, this is sort of thoughtful, but a man should always ask first, “Hey, is it cool if I order for us? I know the menu really well.” Just diving into ordering for you, when you were clearly studying the menu yourself, screams CONTROL FREAK!
Offering you his seat at the bar
If the guy walked away after giving you his seat in a crowded bar, that’d be one thing. But rarely do guys do that. Instead, they stand around and you feel obligated to talk to them. They’ve basically trapped you!
Driving your car
For one reason or another, you need to take your car on a date, but the guy insists on driving. In fact, he just assumes he will be! He’s standing at the driver’s door before you’ve had a chance to pack your purse. A bit misogynistic, no?
Bringing you lunch to work
If your boyfriend does this, it’s one thing. If a guy you’ve only been on a couple of dates with does this, that’s just a forced date—now you have to have lunch with him, when maybe you’d planned on eating a sandwich over some spreadsheets. It could also mean he looked up the address of your work, and even lied to the security guard or receptionist about who he was so he could get in.
Bringing you flowers on a first date
Valentines Day, or your birthday—fine. But on a first date? What is this: the high school prom in 1980?