Not The Chosen One? Reasons Men Seem To Skip Over You

August 12, 2013  |  
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Not The Chosen One

Some women attract men because of their looks, others because of their personality, and others because they just give off this aura that mesmerizes men. On the flip side, there are some women who seem to be overlooked over and over again. If you’re tired of being the wallflower in the room and if you’re ready to make guys notice you, you’ll want to take a step back and figure out what’s making you blend into the crowd. Here are 14 reasons why men may not notice you much.

You're shy

You’re shy

Though shy girls can be cute to some guys, for most men, a shy girl requires too much effort to click with and get to know. If you’re one of those women who doesn’t talk much or at all, a guy simply may not notice you because you cause yourself to blend into the crowd. Try to move past your shyness and let your inner self come out. More men will notice you automatically.

You're always with a lot of female friends

You’re always with a lot of female friends

When you do go out to the mall, the club, or to the movies, you always have at least two of your best girlfriends with you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with socializing, but always hanging out in a group of girls can be the reason why men aren’t noticing you. It’s hard enough to approach a woman on her own, let alone trying to talk to one who is surrounded by other women.

You're way too beautiful

You’re way too beautiful

Beauty is intimidating. Guys always feel much more pressure when trying to talk to a gorgeous woman. A man will automatically assume that he has no chance with you or he’s just way too intimidating to even bother speaking to. Beauty can be a downfall when it comes to getting noticed, because while men will see you, most of them may not be confident enough to speak to you.

You lack self-confidence

You lack self-confidence

This goes along with being shy, but a lot of men can easily pick up on whether or not a women is confident. Men love a confident woman who knows what she wants and is secure in who she is. If you don’t have a lot of self-confidence, you may notice that must men simply seem to pass you by. When you have self-confidence, it shows.

You're always tipsy

You’re always tipsy

So when you go out with your girls, you are known to let loose, no matter what day of the week it is. You’re the one who everyone can count on to be a bit tipsy, if not flat out drunk. You’ve danced on bars, sang, and done some other crazy things that definitely catches eyes, but looking back, you realize you’ve never been approached. A drunk woman just isn’t appealing to anyone — except creepers.

You don't dress well

You don’t dress well

Even if you have an amazing body, you don’t wear clothes that allow you to flaunt and be proud of what you do have. You wear clothes that do nothing for your figure and you could really care less what you look like. Not dressing the part of a together and confident woman can definitely hurt your chances of having a guy approach you.

You're a plain Jane

You’re a plain Jane

Similarly to wearing not-so-hot clothing, you also don’t wear makeup, your hair is never done, and you don’t wear anything to bring good attention towards yourself. You’re a plain Jane and you have no wants or needs to change that. However, men want a unique woman, not someone who is willing to look like whatever just because. Plain isn’t always attractive.

You're always down

You’re always down

There’s nothing worse than trying to talk to and hit it off with someone who is extremely down and negative. You aren’t one to smile a lot and sometimes you either look angry or said, without even knowing it. Sending off these not-so-great vibes can definitely keep men at a safe distance from you. Try smiling more and making eye contact, it’ll make a huge difference.

You hang out with men

You hang out with men

Anytime a guy sees another man with a woman, a lot of them assume that he is her boyfriend and that you’re not available. Having guy friends is great, but know that when you’re often seen with a man or two, it’s easy to assume that you are dating one of these men. A daring guy will come up and ask you, but most guys will keep their distance to avoid getting into trouble.

A ring is on it

A ring is on it

Sometimes any type of diamond ring can throw a guy off, no matter what finger it’s on. If one of your rings resembles an engagement ring, this could be a huge reason men may notice you, but not choose to engage or speak to you. Even if you’re unmarried and single, the ring is bound to throw off all sorts of men. Swap out your jewelry so that you seem to be available.

You're always busy

You’re always busy

For men, it’s a lot easier to talk to a woman who looks bored and isn’t entirely preoccupied. If you’ve got your face in a book or if you’re looking at your laptop, a lot of men will avoid bugging you so as to not interrupt. Looking busy when you’re out and about can easily throw a man off. If you’re looking to be noticed by a man, don’t be afraid to put down your book and make eye contact.

You're physically hard to catch

You’re physically hard to catch

If you notice a man trying to approach you, you tend to walk a bit faster to get to where you need to go. Or if you’re out at the club, no matter if you’re just walking to the bar or back to your chair, there is always someone with you. You may do these things without even knowing, but being hard to catch, literally, makes it that much harder for a man to notice you.

You keep to yourself

You keep to yourself

It’s one thing to be shy, but it’s an entirely other thing to be one of those women that keeps to herself no matter where you’re at or what’s going on. If you lead a sheltered life, you can’t expect many men to notice you. You don’t have to be a social butterfly to catch someone’s eye, but you have to at least step into the light so someone can see you.

You're a wallflower

You’re a wallflower

When you and your girls go out, you’re the one who stays in the corner of the room, away from everyone else. While you will communicate with your friends, you don’t make the effort to talk to others, including guys. When you force yourself to blend in, simply enough men just won’t notice you.

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  • Guest83

    Well I know I’m a plain Jane and probably would fit into the category of a woman that doesn’t dress well enough. I wear nice clothes and always look presentable for whatever the occasion is but I’ve never been a woman caught up in designer names and clothes….no knock against those that do but I’m just a good next door type of woman. I wear a little make up but I’ve had numerous guys compliment and say to me they like more natural beauty. A little lip gloss eye liner and I’m good. I do think I do get overlooked because I don’t have a lot of glitz or glamour but that’s just men and I don’t like a flashy man anyway. I may not attract a ton of guys but I’m only looking for 1 anyway. I would just rather be true to myself and NOT sell a lie just to get dates.

    • Guest83

      *just me

  • rich

    first of all all the date things men do are what the police say to look out for all those things scream out to me……stalker rapist murderer!!!!!!!!!!!!
    all the sextexting guys are all scumm anyway and they should just not be married and thier wives should divorce them and get out quick.

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  • Anthony

    There are no rules for women or steps to follow to figure out why women are not getting approached, with 85% of men brainwashed living the rap video fantasy only wanting sex and 15% of men being nice guys it is quite obvious why there are so many single people especially black women in the world. If we had some better role models that would raise our black youth right into mature men than don’t judge by appearance but truly look at the heart not only would they divorce rate lower but there would be less single people in the world. We need to realize that as men and women we are not perfect and have more flaws than we can count but that should not stop us from finding a mate. Women be patient because there are truly good men out there looking for you, most of the 85% is what you see around you daily but the 15% is what you don’t notice. It is bad enough what is happening to our youth we black males need to step up and teach these young men how to respect women and even some adults. Looks can be appealing but fade over time but the heart will always stay true. Don’t listen to these articles telling you what you are doing wrong, you just be yourself woman and men will notice you, what this list is telling you is being something your not then when you find the man and become your true self he sees you as fake and then leaves. Whoever wrote this article should move out of their mom’s house and get an education. But if anything WOMAN JUST BE WHO GOD MADE YOU TO BE and everything will work out.

  • Seriously Natural

    Honestly, who gets men then? This list is too extensive and unrealistic. Hang out with men, hang out with too many women, keep to yourself…..what the hell is she supposed to do?

  • SK

    Ignorance is bliss I see…lol

    • Tony Williams

      What you want to date a smelly, sweaty, hasn’t taken a hot shower in 3 days man? off course not. So why is it ignorance if a man doesn’t want a smelly woman? seems like common sense to me.

  • Chocolater Reign

    I’ really getting annoyed by having to click thru every damn word posted on this site. But I must say there are many things on this list that applies to me. lol BUT #aintnobodymad

  • Reatha

    I’m sorry but I think this list is ridiculous. Men will approach whatever woman they want no matter what supposed obstacle is there. To me this article is slightly demeaning. Some articles encourage women to be themselves but then we have articles that say that being yourself isn’t enough. To me this is a way to make some women feel bad about themselves and who they are, talking about self confidence, for some this article can make them less confident. Why can’t there be an article that is positive and encouraging rather then telling women what is wrong with them.

    • more

      Men and women can be vain! You can’t think being ur self is always going to win u the man of ur dreams. Even I myself can be very vain at times if he is to thin I won’t look at him twice or if all his clothes are the exact same same color to looks tacky to me. The artical was realistic and not sugar coating

      • Reatha

        I know that men and women can be vain. Everyone has their preferences. But who are people supposed to be but themselves? There’s so much out there about fake ppl this, fake ppl that depending on how ppl take this article, it can send mixed messages.

        • more

          idk but what i do know is that the dating scene is cut throat. It dont matter how successful you are or how genuine your being.

  • York

    So MN just said, “Eff it, we just gone throw this one together and pray.”

    At least, that’s the impression I’m getting from reading this mess.

  • QleanQlassy Atlanta

    once again another female telling females what males think…..this is comical how ladies mislead ladies about men

    get a st8 male writer or your team……..and let him write on what males think

  • RottenSox

    So…don’t be too plain or too beautiful and don’t hang out with women or men or off by yourself?

  • Chanda

    This list wouldn’t be so bad if it didn’t contradict itself so often. You’re too beautiful; you’re a plain jane, you have too many friends; you keep to yourself. And how about the fact that different women attract different men. At least you didn’t put: because you’re too loud or rude but even those types can attract a guys.

  • JustSayin

    These reasons sound like something a very weak man would say. This author must be used to “easy” women. What’s easy to get is easy to lose.


    One good reason that’s not on here “You’re a Dumbass”

  • SK

    Some of these things on this list are bogus.

    1) I work in a lab all day…make up and hot clothes are forbidden when measuring acid in a graduated cylinder (lol)
    2) I’m always busy (lol jp)

    3) I’m naturally an introvert…so you’re asking me to change myself to meet someone who will eventually find out that who they met was not the real me (lol)
    4) I have friends of both sexes…as long as you handle yourself appropriately, there should be no problem attracting the right person for you
    5) There are way too many things to comment on…LMAO

    • Tony Williams

      So how long have you being gay?

      • SK

        Lmao this is quite amusing…a blog commenter judging another blog commenter by their internet comments. How about you choose something a little more original next time 😉

        • MamieEisenhower

          Damn fool can’t even use proper sentence structure. *smh

      • SK

        Bitter maybe? lol

  • Patrick Clinton

    The “You’re a Wallflower” part is flat out wrong! I take the time to notice all the women present but the one standing by herself is most likely the one I’m most apt to approach. She may appreciate a genuine conversation from a guy who doesn’t mind not being kneck deep in the pack.

  • V the Fashionista

    Can’t be too beautiful? WTF are you supposed to do about that? Make yourself look ugly?

    • lili

      That’s what I said! If I look ugly no one will approach and if I’m beautiful no one will approach me. WTH!?!? Maybe I should just get used to being single..

    • Jenna

      The fact that the girl used to illustrate that point is light skinned says a lot. I am not one who cares for one standard of beauty. I believe Brandy/Viola Davis is just as pretty as Rihanna regardless of what others might think. I see beauty in everyone and tend to seek the unique things/beauty about people. Now, my issue is that I will love for us, black people, to stop neglecting the kinds of beauty we promote. We always blame the white media for promoting the likes of Beyonce/ Rihanna etc as beautiful black women and neglecting the chocolate sisters like Kelly/ Tika Sumpter. Why are we blaming others for their idea of black beauty when we do the same? We have to start taking responsibilities of our actions and work on them rather than criticize other races.

      Furthermore, I have noticed some blogs put up photos of biracial women when they are referring to natural hair. This is why some black women become frustrasted when they go natural because their hair texture isnt what the natural hair “experts” have promoted on blogs. Black people are suffering with all types of insecurity from their hair, to complexion, racial profiling, etc. What are we doing to help ourselves love how God created us and become better people regardless of the ignorance surrounding us?

      I will love for black people who have the platform to promote black beauty to showcase all types of black beauty, hair etc rather than solely promote the kind of beauty they criticize other races for doing. It’s hypocritical.

      • stewie

        well… is a black women who gets it.

        you are absolutely correct.

      • York

        Can I give 30 likes for this and move it straight to the top of the page? Cuz I’ve been saying the same thing for like, 20 years now.

      • mac

        “The fact that the girl used to illustrate that point is light skinned says a lot.”

        I’m dark skinned and I didn’t even notice. Or care, after it was brought to my attention. Because I don’t have that hang-up.

        People who notice these trivial things are those who subscribe to colorism in the first place.

        • Jenna

          Well, I noticed. Too bad you did not.

          I bet you’re the type who says “who cares about racism, it’s 2013!”. I brought this issue up because I see it often on blogs targeting mostly black people. We are great at ignoring the things we do to ourselves but pointing fingers at others when they do the same.

          I want us to do better. Address these “little things” because they lead to much bigger issues. Just because you did not pay attention to it does not mean it cannot addressed. I come from a country where many women bleach their skin, go broke because of weaves, develop a fake European accent, etc. I have heard of situations where some women cannot be receptionists if they are not light skinned or pretty but dark skinned. The media is a powerful tool and we can use it to make a change. If we do not project ALL types of black beauty our people will continue to be insecure about their beautiful black selves. It starts with us.

          • mac

            No one’s saying colorism doesn’t exist.

            But looking for it where it isn’t, as you did with this article is the issue. When the writer was making that slide, I doubt she thought “hmm I need to find a redbone to illustrate this point”.

            I mean seriously, let’s use logic.

            Every positive portrayal of a light skinned woman isn’t colorism.

            And I’ll say it again, the people who are quick to find colorism in EVERYTHING are people who subscribe to that thinking.

            -signed a dark skinned woman.

    • hollyw

      Girl, I said the same dang thang; they just ran out of sh*t to post! If the ugliest man on Earth has the audacity to step to e.v.e.r.y/ fly chick walking his way down the street, there is no way in heaven that being beautiful, alone, will contribute a woman’s being single. EVER!

      • DeidraJ


    • mac

      apparently you can’t be too beautiful, can’t be too plain, can’t be around too many girls, can’t be around too guys, can’t be around too many people all the time, can’t be alone all the time.

      lol when did finding a man become a science?
      How about be yourself and the man who appreciates you exactly as you are, will find you?

    • TenaGardner

      @V the Fashionista….Right!!!! I was thinking the same thing. This so-called list’ is contradicting. LOL!!!!

  • Lily Thomas

    #7 is a picture of latoyaforever

    • FamuRattler85

      Thanks for confrming that because that’s what I thought.

  • Urinal Mints

    This list is ridiculous….How about “You have kids”? That’s the biggest turn off for single guys with no kids. I’m sorry…I would never date or let alone marry a woman with kids. Single women with kids are damaged goods on the dating/wife market. Sorry…that’s the truth ladies.

    • Annie

      Really I have a friend with no kids…..that doesn’t get a lot of dates….when we hung out I got more attention than her even though I have a son. I thought it was because I am more attractive and I know how to talk to men. I have 5 brothers…..Of course some guys don’t want to deal with a woman with kids but for most of us it doesn’t stop us from dating.

      • Urinal Mints

        OK…here it is. Some guys will still try to holla because they think single women with kids are easier and more desperate to find a man. Before you comment, I’m not describing you. In any event, consider yourself lucky because a lot of guys won’t date you because you have a son unless you mind blowing beautiful. That usually clouds a man’s judgement.

        • DeidraJ

          Well…its better for women with children that you know that and dont butt into their lives with trifling intentions the way that some men do. But I have to say, I thought men these days had the insight and maturity to see that a woman having a child doesn’t make her “damaged.” I have a daughter, a supportive ex who is newly married to a woman who adores my child, and nothing about me rings to the tone of desperation. We have no drama which is more than I can say for a lot of people with 0 kids involved.The key is considering each other family and making sure the child feels loved by all 4 parental figures. I guess its good that you know in advance that you dont have the ability to love in that capacity and are honest about it. I guess if you’re not really looking for a long term relationship or marriage, it may be easier to date women without children though. Just wouldnt want you to think that dating a woman with a child is the worst you could do. Sometimes being in a situation that you’re afraid of can grow you in good ways that you come to appreciate later.

        • Gina

          You spoke the TRUTH! Most men don’t want to date women with kids, the thought of them raising another man’s child makes them sick.

          • Annie

            Please……one thing it does let you know is there intentions…..if they don’t accept a child they wouldn’t be for me anyway……makes me sick when men have no compassion. If a child makes them sick then…..I hate it or them. Its not that it makes them sick……they are selfish and most of them want all of the attention on them like a 2 yr old.

      • TenaGardner

        Thank U Annie….I agree:o)

  • jfgalt

    LOL! I don’t think the author gets too many 2nd dates with an attitude like this. She seems to have a chip on her shoulders that must weigh 200 lbs. or more. If you don’t do a lot of those things then women think you don’t care about them and some will let you know it too. This is article has some seriously bad advice coming from a very, very narrow point of view. Good luck in your old age.

  • Rouge

    This was the dumbest list, first u can’t have or be with too many of ur girls, but then u cant hang with the fellas either. Ur supposed to be dolled up all the time? But can’t be too beautiful, what a contradiction this list was, which goes to show men don’t know what they want.

    • Chocolater Reign

      I like this assessment ….

  • Janet

    @Madamenoire This site would be so much better and get a lot more comments ie CLICKS if you all stop with all of the links attached just to read an article. It’s ridiculous

  • Mike

    Sorry ladies Big V@gina is huge on men list. Just like men women are genetically different sizes down there. Also for women, some of it depends on how active she is and if she’s let king kong do back flips and beat it.

    On average Out of 10 women; 3 are big, loose and have no walls, 3 or 4 are average and another 3 have are tight. Yeah, yeah I know you think all women can be tight…. wrong! Some exercises might help but you’re either born with it or not. Women who are tight know it and women who are loose know it. Their partners have told them.

    • Wuluwulu

      So basically a woman who has had her fair share of lovers should make sure that when she is ready to settle down she finds a supersized man to settle down with. That should solve the size issue.

      • Helloo

        I said the same thing, this article is about women being skipped over all-together, not just relationships smh. Leave it to men to leave their 2 cents + sex lol smh…ijs =|

    • But if you have as you put it “no walls” due to intimate activities wouldn’t that mean that you are picking up men. That is clearly not the woman men are skipping over. I think this article is more for women who are ignored while out, having a hard time getting dates or getting a guy to notice her.

      • Mike

        NO that means men are sampling the goods and moving on. If most men move on after the first or only a couple of s3xual encounters and never call back, that’s a clear sign it ain’t tight. If you’re tight, your exes and dudes you let hit it years ago are always trying to get back.

    • Chocolater Reign

      Just so you know just with men all peens come in different sizes, so does poon. Sex is not the defining factor in the size of either.

    • more

      What does this have to do with anything ??

    • Candace Cane

      Mike, shut up. Nobody was even on that. She’s talkin about getting noticed at first sight smdh. Now if you can tell who is tight and who is loose at first glance the. You should be gettin paid and not in a women’s advice site.

    • Guest

      Big v@gina is huge on a worthless idiot’s list I.e. Mike.

  • Nope

    As with most things in life, some of these are all about context. For example it’s not a realistic expectation for a woman to be dolled up 24/7 or that she should never look too busy. But I think this was a pretty good list.

    To sum the list up, look more approachable, show some personality, show some fashion sense, and stop going every damn place with your girls including to the bathroom.

    • sabrina

      LOL! That was an accurate summary.

    • Ms. Kameria

      Thanks. I really didn’t want to click through 15 slides when it could have been summed up so easily on one page.

  • L-Boogie