14 Things You Think He Thinks About, But He Doesn’t

August 7, 2013  |  
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You think you know how differently you and your man think, but you’re only just beginning to understand. Here are 14 things most women think their partners are pondering, that in fact rarely cross a man’s mind.

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Doing things your way

You notice he puts dishes away in completely different places than you do, or uses all the “wrong” products to clean the car. This isn’t because he’s purposefully spiting you or because he’s being stubborn. Actually, men rarely take note of the way we do things. We notice the exact way they fold their pants. But they just notice if something is done, or not done. They’re about efficiency.

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Your needs, without your instruction

If you buy into the, “If he’d love me, I wouldn’t have to ask him to do things” mentality, then you’ll have a lonely existence. Men can’t read minds, and if something isn’t important to them, they assume it’s not important to you unless you say otherwise. So if your guy wouldn’t want a surprise birthday, it probably won’t occur to him to throw you one—at least not without a hint.

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What you might be angry about

When you pull some passive aggressive act so that your man will, “think about what he’s done,” he’s not thinking about it at all. He’s finding something to pass the time with until you decide to come back and just tell him what he’s done wrong. Men are not into the guessing game.

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That your sex drive is related to…anything at all

When your man isn’t in the mood, you wonder if something happened at work that made him feel emasculated, or if his pills are affecting his libido, or if he is in love with somebody else…! When you say you’re not in the mood, your guy mainly thinks, “bummer.” So if you’re turning down sex as a means for your man to ask you if something is wrong, so you can bring up the power struggle you’re having with your co-worker, don’t get your hopes up.

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How to avoid confrontation

It drives women crazy how silent men can be in arguments, essentially leaving us to argue with ourselves. But your guy isn’t keeping quiet because he doesn’t care about what you’re saying. Men just don’t multi-task the way women do: we can take in what another person is saying and instantly talk back. Men need to remain quiet for a bit to digest information. Just tell him, “It would really help me to hear your thoughts on this” and it will nudge him along.

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You are so messed up

No you’re not—at least not any more than your partner’s last girlfriend. Women always think that their every insecurity, neurosis, piece of emotional baggage and traumatic history is just flashing over their heads whenever they get upset in front of their man. But men take in the information in front of them; they don’t try to figure out what else it could mean. If you’re upset, your guy isn’t wondering if you have daddy issues. He’s trying to figure out a solution to this problem, today.

 

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You’re pushing him away because you want more love

If you’re shunning your man’s compliments because you wish he’d give you more, or sleeping as far away as possible in the bed because you want more cuddles, or canceling date night because you’re angry he only planned one instead of three this month, your guy is not going to figure out, “She’s saying she doesn’t want this stuff, because she does want it.” He’s just going to not cuddle you/compliment you/plan another date night.

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Your physical imperfections

If a man really looked at his partner and saw all of her flaws, he wouldn’t be with that woman! All your guy sees when he looks at you is the amazing woman you are. Don’t force-feed him your insecurities every time he pays you a compliment. He’s never going to agree with you on the crow’s feet, but he will stop telling you that you have a great smile if it always seems to bring up negative thoughts for you.

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Yesterday’s argument

You had a big blow up fight yesterday, and since then your guy has been surprisingly calm. He is not stewing over it, making all sorts of decisions and coming to conclusions about you because of it. He’s just over it. If you bring it up again, you’ll only surprise him and come off as obsessed with being right.

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His ex

This one might come as a surprise: most men don’t compare one relationship to the next. They just take what they currently have at face value. (Honestly, they’re not even that great at recognizing repeat behaviors or qualities—which could work in their favor to notice). If you’re feeling insecure about his ex, you probably don’t have to be. If your guy is unhappy about something in your relationship, he’s not thinking about how it was “better” in his last relationship. He’s just thinking about how to fix the current issue.

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You hang with your friends too much

Women always find a reason to feel guilty. We feel so emotionally obligated to everybody in our lives, which, while sweet, can be to our own demise. A couple girls’ nights a week won’t bother a (sane) man. He probably likes that you have your own life! Enjoy your time with your friends, and know that your guy enjoys some alone time, too.

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Your shopping habits

This one mainly applies to couples who are married or live together. If your partner asks you to watch your spending, it’s rarely because of a designer outfit you recently bought. It’s often about his concern for your joint finances—that means his income and what he is bringing to the table, too. So don’t take this as being chastised for a purse habit. See it as him caring for your wellbeing, as a couple.

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How to avoid chores

There are piles of dirty dishes and laundry, and your guy is playing video games. How dare he! Hold on: he’s not hoping you just don’t bug him about the chores. Odds are, he didn’t realize something needed to be done, or he didn’t think he’d be good at handling it. If you just ask your guy for help, he’ll usually gladly help.

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Sex is all about the physical

You feel most bonded to your guy when you’re having great conversation: he feels most bonded to you when you’re having sex. It’s not just about having sex; it’s about having sex with you. Never does a man feel more needed than when he’s pleasing you in bed.

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  • cl

    Paraphase: Women think too much.

  • cl

    This is going in women’s eyes and ears and right out the other…

  • holly

    A lot of those statements aren’t true anymore . Men also get traumatized by their past relationships and try to avoid what they didn’t like in their last girlfriend in order not to fix any issue . Men pay attention to their women body and won’t hesitate to talk to you about your flaws especially if he’s insecure in front of his beautiful girlfriend . Most of all men love to play mind games to hurt their women and can become really passive agressive

    • No

      Most MEN loathe mind games with every fiber of their being and DETEST the thought of hurting their women.

      You need to keep better company!

  • hollyw

    What a surprisingly good, sensical article…MN steal this lol? I kid, I kid! But seriously, as a therapist, it boggles me how little men analyze things in relationships. Like, they’ll even analyze the relationship between them and their bosses closer than with the person sleeping dead next to them… which for one, is alarming to me lol.

    Some chicks can be uber-crazy and they won’t know til it’s too late, I.e. restraining orders, vandalism, etc… they be like, “I thought she was just really passionate!” Um nooo. I guess women are just bred to seek out that kinda stuff for their personal safety and what not… but it’s refreshing for the sane ones!

  • Tonyoardee

    This woman is obviously happily married, great post that really gets us

  • Yamini

    I disagree with #11.

    • Nope

      Page 11, or number 11 (which is on page 12)?

  • Nope

    This was a good list. I bet the author is a happily married woman.