“Yes, ma’am.” I’ve said those two words more than any other phrase in my life. Growing up in the south, my family was big on traditional ways of showing respect. Words like “ma’am” and “sir” were as common (and necessary) as southern fried chicken and sweet potato pie. And any activities that could even remotely be interpreted as disrespectful, like rolling your eyes or talking back, were quickly met with what is commonly known as “the back hand slap!” You can trust and believe that mama did not play that!
Times have definitely changed. Kids today have much more freedom and are encouraged to voice their opinions without the fear of the dreaded “back hand slap.” I’m a modern mama, and I want my daughter to feel just as empowered as adults. But I still believe in the values that were instilled in me as a child. And treating adults with respect is at the top of my list of things that I expect from my daughter.
But teaching respect to her in today’s world is not an easy task. The TV shows that she watches are full of characters that talk sassy to their parents with no repercussions (except the canned TV laughter in the background). And my daughter goes to school with children from a wide variety of cultures and backgrounds who don’t always show respect to adults in the way that I’m use to seeing. So I’ve had to make some extra efforts to make sure that my little girl learns to respect me and other adults.
Here are a few simple measures that I taken:
I’ve explained to my daughter in detail what respect looks like to me. She knows that she expected to say “yes, ma’am” and “yes, sir” to adults and talk in a respectful tone. I’ve also explained that even though her peers may not do the same thing, these are my personal expectations of her.
There are consequences for disrespect. If my daughter talks back or her tone is inappropriate, I reprimand her. If it continues, she receives a punishment (don’t worry, there’s no back hand slapping involved!).
There’s a huge emphasis on consistency. I work hard to make sure that my daughter treats all adults with respect. For her that means that she is polite and she says “ma’am” or “sir” to all the adults that she comes in contact with. Many of them tell her that it’s not necessary to use those terms with them, but she quickly explains that her parents tell her to speak to all adults this way.
I know that learning to respecting others is a critical trait for my daughter’s future. She’ll have to respect her future boss and respect her colleagues. And if she doesn’t there will be consequences. If she doesn’t learn respect now when she’s a child, how can I expect her to learn it later?
How do you teach your children to show respect?
Words: Yolanda Darville
Yolanda Darville is a mom, writer, and blogger focusing on philanthropy and empowering women. Learn more about her on her blog www.bahamamommyinc.com .
