Is Your Boyfriend Decisive About Your Future Or Just Sliding Along?

July 26, 2013  |  

From YourTango

When it comes to relationships, it can be difficult to know what direction you two are going in. Will you be a successful couple? When will his parents meet you, and will that go well? If you get married someday, will it work in the long run? These aren’t easy questions to answer, but there are certain kinds of daters who statistically seem to do less well in longterm relationships.

According to new research, men fall into two longterm dating categories: “sliders” and “deciders.” Sliders are men either who take the next step because they think it is the “right” thing to do; they slide into it. Deciders do it because they truly want to; they made a conscious decision.

The trouble with sliders is that they are 40 percent more likely to get divorced than deciders — something that could make anyone worried when it comes to settling down with a partner they want to completely commit to.

So, the question is: Is your boyfriend a slider or a decider?

According to YourTango expert Marla Martenson, author of Excuse Me, Your Soul Mate Is Waiting, sliders “might have been living with a woman and just got married to make her happy, or all of his friends are married, so, why not?” Martenson also notes that partners who haven’t solved their issues with commitment and marriage, or waited until they were ready, could wind up dealing with those problems later on, thus leading to a divorce.

YourTango expert Janet Ong Zimmerman, author of the forthcoming book How to Attract a Man Who Completely Loves and Accepts Me: The Empowering Three-Step Approach to Create True & Lasting Love, says there are traits that could indicate more of a “decider” personality in certain men. If he “has been in stable, long-term relationships, comfortable with commitment, he’s trustworthy (does what he says he’s going to do), takes the time for both of you to get to know each other, he woos you, makes you a priority, makes future plans with you, introduces you to his family and friends, he’s at a good place in his life, wants to get married, and is comfortable with discussing marriage,” then he could be more willing to commit fully and make the relationship last. In other words, he’s more likely to be a decider.

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