Bad Mouthing An Ex: Is It Even Worth All the Drama?

July 28, 2013  |  

I’ll admit, I’ve been following the sad, but bizarre antics between Siohvaughn Wade and her famous ex-husband, Miami Heat basketball star Dwyane Wade. Whether talking to blogs, appearing on Dr. Phil or sitting out on the streets of Chicago, this woman is letting the world know that she is a woman scorned – a bitter woman who was done wrong, who was hoodwinked and led astray and who isn’t taking things lying down. Well…let her tell it anyway.

I’m not here to say she’s right or wrong, or that D. Wade is right or wrong either. They’re the only two who really know what happened between them. But it seems now everyone knows some bits and pieces of their lives together and now, their lives apart. It comes as no surprise that famous people live their personal lives in public sometimes, but what about your “average Joe?” Do we need to know their business as well?

Break ups are painful no matter who you are or why they occurred. When people have been hurt, it’s no surprise they may want to lash out. You want to purge yourself of the disgust, disgrace and anger you feel about even being involved with that person in the first place. You need to let the world know you’ve been wronged or that your ex is a jerk, and you’ll tell anyone and everyone who will listen!

Even if you haven’t been wronged, per sé, sometimes immaturity takes over and you just can’t let go. There may be one-sided bitterness, jealousy, or passion that still burns for the other person that consumes you to the point that you can’t help but keep your ex’s name IN your mouth. That might be where your therapist needs to step in because you’re starting to look crazy.

We’ve all been there: lamenting to our girls about the guy who did us dirty or the scumbag you wish you’d never laid eyes on. But then there are those who take to Twitter, Facebook, take out full blown ads and billboards about their ex that take things too far. Okay, so maybe I don’t know anyone personally who has taken out a billboard, but how many of you have seen women (and men) tell dirty little secrets about their ex on social media or simply make things up and gossip about it in order to hurt or embarrass them? This is when things get out of hand and can backfire on you.

There is a such thing as constructive venting and then there is character bashing. Even if your ex is without much character and everything you say about him or her is true, the question is: Do you want to sink to that level? Will getting down and dirty free you from the rage you feel? Probably not.

Bad-mouthing an ex:

  1. is a waste of your time and energy. You could be using that power to do something more positive and productive in your own life.
  2. is beneath you, and when taken too far, can make you appear to be a bit “pathetic” or a “victim.” Not hot.
  3. is toxic. You will be in a negative frame of mind, polluting your own body with thoughts of someone you should be putting in your rearview mirror.
  4. is rarely used as a real warning to other people. More often than not, it’s usually a way to assassinate the ex’s character to people who don’t even know them. It can be that you’re trying to sway others’ opinion, but it doesn’t work and again, you’re looking ridiculous.

Bad-mouthing and venting are not synonymous. If you have the desire to talk about how you’ve been treated in your relationship, talk to one trusted person or professional who will not spread what you’ve said to mutual friends or family members. I know it’s tempting to want to announce all the transgressions that took place in your past relationship in order to gain sympathy or to get it off your chest, but it does no good in the long run. – Well, if you’re Siohvaughn Wade, who got a little pay day because of her tom-foolery, it might work but there aren’t many of us in that position. But I digress.

In a perfect world, exes can succeed at being friends and letting bygones be bygones. But we don’t live in a perfect world; we live in one where bitterness, jealousy, hating and human nature exceed reasoning and rational thought. Let it go. It’s better to leave things with pleasant memories rather than drag a dead relationship through the mud. Keeping a foot in the past makes it that much harder to enjoy your future. As Martin Lawrence said, “if that ish is supposed to be over, then let it be over!”

So keep it moving…and keep your mouth shut.

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