Ask A Very Smart Brotha: My Husband Died, Now I’m Dating & I Feel Guilty

July 24, 2013  |  


Tonya: What kinds of language/phrases do you recommend a woman could use, to tell her new man that he’s moving way too fast, without her coming off as not being interested in the potential of the relationship?

Any advice for older woman/younger man relationships? 15 year difference.

DY: “I think we’re moving a little too fast” would work. Doesn’t have to be all complicated. Just tell him how you feel.”

As far as advice goes, whether its a five or twenty five year difference, you obviously like each other enough to give it a go, so just treat each other with compassion, care, and respect.



Katrina: Hello ! I broke up with my ex almost 2 years ago. He wanted us be friends but its hard for me,because my feeling change often. And he throws the breakup in my face sometimes. What should i do in this situation?

DY: Sounds like you need to break up with him as a “friend” as well.



Marian: I just broke up with my boyfriend of three years after a year of being long distance. I found out that he had been dating and living with another woman for that year. I want to eventually start dating again, but I don’t want to have trust issues with my future mate b/c of what he did. What can I do to avoid this?

DY: There’s no easy fix to overcoming those issues. You just have to find a way within yourself to judge each new man you meet on his own merits instead of prejudging him based on the actions of your ex.



Jellie: How come guys say they would want to see you again, but then drop all contact and/or when you set up dates they keep bailing?

Plus why can’t guys just be honest?

DY: Guys who do that just don’t want to see you bad enough. Find some ones who do.


Inez: How do I get rid of a third wheel female friend of my boyfriend? I have trust issues and they seem to ignore my feelings. I don’t even acknowledge her when she comes around yet she acts like it doesn’t bother her. She still tries to be friends with me and I don’t want to. I trust no female.

DY: Although I’m not usually a huge fun of the “platonic” friend hanging around a person in a relationship, it seems like you have some trust issues with women you need to get over. I mean, you’re a woman (I assume), right? Why do you have such a negative viewpoint towards them? What happened to Girl power and Isht?


Marian: I have been alone for 2 and half years after the death of my 52 year old husband I’ve been dating for two weeks a man I knew over 35 years ago so far so good why do I have guilt about it I feel like  I am cheating on my husband and my friend is so understanding about I don’t want to loose out on him.

DY: I’m sorry for your loss. But, while I can’t even imagine how it would feel to lose a spouse, you have to remember that while he’s dead, you’re still alive. You still have life to live, and I’m sure he’d even want you to eventually move on and find some happiness.

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