14 Ways To Involve Your Groom In The Wedding Plans

July 26, 2013  |  
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Somewhere in the history of weddings, the groom became an accessory to the big day, assigned nothing but a time and place to show up. But the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with, should have some say in the day that celebrates your union. Whether he’s resistant or just clueless, here’s how to get your guy more involved in the wedding plans

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Let him know he’s allowed!

Sometimes the only reason your groom isn’t putting in his two cents is because he doesn’t think he’s allowed to! The media—not to mention generations of grandmothers—have led him to believe he needs to butt out. Let him know you want—even need—his input, and your problem might be solved.

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Don’t shoot his ideas down

The reality is that men don’t spend as much time thinking about their wedding day as women do. Keeping that in mind, be ready for your guy to come up with some off-beat suggestions, many of which won’t even be doable. But don’t make him feel like a fool for suggesting them. That’s a sure-fire way to lose his interest in planning the wedding altogether.

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Don’t be a control freak

Accept the fact that the wedding might not be perfect. Begin to let go of that crystal-clear vision you’ve had in your head since you were a little girl of what your big day would look like, because when you were a little girl, you had no idea what your groom would look like. And now, adjustments need to be made.

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Remember, it is his wedding too…

Do you think he’s over-the-moon about the heart-shaped napkin holders? Or the playlist you’ve selected? Surely some of your suggestions seem odd to your guy, but he’s not vetoing them because he realizes two people are getting married at this event. Pay him the same respect and let him have his way on some things, even if you totally don’t like them.

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Welcome his ideas with enthusiasm, not suspicion

You’re not the captain he needs to “run things by” so skip the high and mighty attitude. Your groom isn’t lucky to have your audience, and he certainly doesn’t need your “permission” to do anything. When he starts talking about an idea, you should be smiling and nodding, not texting a friend and rolling your eyes.

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Play off his strengths

Most men just feel they have nothing to contribute to the wedding plans, and will only botch things up. Think of what his strengths are and put them to use wherever you can. Tell him, “I really don’t know how to do this on my own.” Men love nothing more than to feel useful.

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Play off his interests

Engage him! If he’s a major music buff, have him hold auditions for the live bands. If he likes to do carving work, have him make a prototype for the candleholders.

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Remember, he is there to help

Don’t only give him “fun stuff”…you’re putting up with tons of frustrating and just plain boring tasks. Let him know you need him! How can he deny your pretty face?

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Add something especially for him

Don’t be afraid to incorporate some totally whacky detail that’s all for your man. At past weddings this has included having the musician groom perform at this own wedding, having a canoe deliver the groom, having the groom zipline up to the alter…you get the idea.

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Be excited about your own ideas

If you seem stressed out about planning, it doesn’t look fun to him. So quit using your “worry voice” when you talk about the wedding, and for goodness sake smile.

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Ask your married male friends for help

Your married male friends can tell you what they did and didn’t like about their bride’s style of delegating tasks and getting them involved. They can probably even tell you what some of their unfulfilled secret wishes were for the day (just don’t tell their wives!)

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Set up a time to talk about wedding stuff

Don’t just spring the topic on him when he walks in the door from work. If it’s already a topic he’s trying to avoid discussing, he’s looking for ways out of it. But asking if you can set up a time specifically to discuss wedding plans shows him you respect his time, and it assures you’ll have his full attention.

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Imitate what his favorite celebrity/athlete did at his wedding

Hey—why not? If his favorite celeb wore an electric blue suit, or had a pig roasting on a spit, or had every guest play the piano, suggest these quirky add-on’s to your man. He’ll love that you researched the wedding of one of his favorite public figures, even if he doesn’t want to copy them.

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Don’t make any decisions without him

Your desire to involve your groom in the planning will scream, “FAKE!” if you go around making decisions without him. Then he’ll think you’re just patronizing him by asking for his input—clearly you’re going to move ahead with or without him. Even if it’s just a quick, two-second question, ask your guy before making any final decisions.

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  • Nope

    “The reality is that men don’t spend as much time thinking about their wedding day as women do. Keeping that in mind, be ready for your guy to come up with some off-beat suggestions, many of which won’t even be doable.”

    The 15+ years that a lot of women have spent planning their wedding is pretty hard for a man to catch up to.