Does Submission Make You Weak Or Powerful In A Relationship?

July 19, 2013  |  




From Single Black Male 

I know a lot of women shudder at the word “submissive”. They think that it gives men the power to treat them like a slave. They have these visions of women back in the day being knocked over the head and lead around by their hair and not having the power to do anything about it.

Some women have visions of a man telling them what they can do, where they can go and even what they can wear. That is not the correct definition or vision of submission.The definition of Submission is a woman giving the man that she loves and respects the power to lead over their family and make the final decisions.

Read more at the

Trending on MadameNoire

View Comments
Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN
  • Kelli Schultz

    People don’t often realize that the Bible talks about submission to each other as unto the Lord. If God made man in His own image, and woman was taken from man’s rib, then God made man responsible for the climate inside of a relationship. The man is supposed to love his wife and Christ loved HIm and that is what the wife should be submitting to.

    (Ephesians 5:21-33).
    Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church,
    and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water
    by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or
    wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men
    to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no
    man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the
    church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause
    shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two
    shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
    Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the
    wife see that she reverence her husband”

  • Kealii

    Black men are obssessed with submission.

    SBM has NO variety in their topics.

  • To willingly submit to someone you have to trust them. Frankly if you don’t trust them enough to be vulnerable in that way (when the occasion calls for it) you have no business hitching your wagon to their star. In today’s world I think you have to have balance. In some things I submit to my husband in others he submits to me. The key is to make sure that your partner knows that you always have their best intentions at heart.

    • guest

      So the word “compromise” should be emphasis instead of “submission”

      • Well if you “willingly” submit to someone doesn’t that mean you have to agree/compromise to do so? You both have to come to a consensus on roles in the marriage. Marriage is a constant negotiation and calibration to make sure both parties are getting what they want and need.

  • Live_in_LDN

    Some people, regardless of gender, are naturally submissive in relationships and some are naturally dominant whilst some prefer to compromise and have a 50/50 partnership. What is important is that you identify which one you are and seek a partner to compliment this.

    I dated a guy who took the submissive role and that ‘relationship’ did not last long because it drove me nuts. He made me do all the decision making and final straw was when we went out to eat and he waited for me to order so that he could order the same, only to realise when the food came that he didn’t like it. I encouraged him to decide on dates but he was such a wet fish. I left him fast so he can find the dominant woman he so desperately needs.

    I need someone who is more head strong with a little more backbone.

  • Articles like this always downplay the literal definitions, in order for someone or anyone to take the lead there has to be someone following….. Just like you can’t have an upper class in a society if there is no lower class. It’s just a nice way to dress it up, it’s all the same..

  • Maggie

    I do agree that submission is sometimes vital to keep a relationship intact BUT in these days, it seems as if a black woman’s character or self respect is questioned when she is submissive. Other races of women who are submissive get credit or adulation for being ‘feminine.’

  • Nikia D-Shiznit

    Idk. If submission= power, why isn’t that something men want to be, why is it emphasized that only women should be submissive? Just asking. Why don’t men see the power of submission by being submissive, rather than only when someone is submitting to them? Maybe if men gave women equal respect while being second in command, women may want to be.

    • hollyw

      I see your point, and I think men do practice submission; society just calls it something else lol… Like pleasing your woman, giving her what she wants, catering to her…it’s both protective and submissive, and a mirror image of what the woman is asked to do. They just frame it differently.

      • Jeanette

        @hollyw, yes, it’s called “Love”. This is what a husband is called to do. When a man focuses on “woman submit” he is saying “please me”. Not the other way around. The empasis should be self-less-ness not self-ish-ness. Thankfully, I have two parents who have been for 44 years modeling what marriage should look like.

  • Lolita

    I do agree with this article 100%. The man is the head of the relationship and the women is the neck, and she can turn the head anyway she wants. It doesn’t make a woman weak.