I Have Engagement Blues! My Future Mother-In-Law Doesn’t Approve Of Our Engagement

July 19, 2013  |  

Source: iStock


From Essence

Q: I am a 25-year-old soon-to-be college graduate. My fiancé and I have dated for four years and we are both in college right now. We love each other very much. He is my friend, my prayer partner and my number one supporter. We both deeply believe in not moving in with each other or living with each other until we wed, and we refuse to marry too fast. He is four years older than me and we are both active members of our church. We have agreed to pre-marital counseling as well and look forward to it. In addition we have both decided to hold off on children until we are finished with our degrees.

Immediately after the proposal, his mother opposed to our union. My engagement bliss turned into engagement blues. She feels that he will not finish school if we are married. I am continuing my education post-grad. Neither of us are naive about the obstacles we will face. We have chosen to face them together.

In retrospect, besides her one objection we have over 100 supporters (full of family and friends). Yet, I still feel sad, and I am having a hard time dealing with his mother. It’s already nerve-racking to marry into a new family, but now the idea of having a monster-in-law gives me nightmares. Honestly, I am so disappointed by her sudden change in attitude. Not so long ago, his family was gung-ho about marriage. She went from treating me like a daughter to being distant. Dr. Sherry, how do I maintain my relationship with her when she so heavily objects to our union.


Read Dr. Sherry’s response at Essence.com 

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  • HonestBrotha1911

    Here’s how I see it. I’ve been married for fifteen years and I can’t honestly say my mother actually “liked” my wife. I think she tolerates my wife. I think all mothers (even those who get along with their daughter-in-laws) wonder if they are somehow being usurped by the new wife. The “wonder” whether their sons (if it ever came down to it) would choose THAT WOMAN over them? Some mothers simply handle it better than others. If you’re (man) your mother will embrace your new wife or at least tolerate her and maintain an environment of civility. If she opts for being a total pain in the butt you can bet it will be strain. It’s hard to BUILD a family when you have that kind of nonsense occurring.

    My advice would simply be to be the BEST WIFE you can be to your husband. Build your life as husband/wife the right way. Resist the temptations that can find their way into your lives and ultimately damage your new family. Do that an ultimately even the most hard card mother in laws will have to admit they were wrong all along…..

  • Barbara Codner

    It’s sad when people can’t put their negativity aside and be supportive. This is exactly why I just want to keep my engagement a secret & then elope. I don’t want to take the chance of anyone ruining that moment.

  • IllyPhilly

    I got along with all my mother-in-laws. (All, I know SMH). You see it was the husbands I had problems with.