Approval Denied: What To Do When Your Friends Don’t Like Your Boyfriend

July 22, 2013  |  
Shutterstock

Shutterstock

There’s nothing more frustrating—and heartbreaking—than having your best friend’s and your boyfriend not get along. It can feel like you’re being pulled in two directions constantly, and making one person happy instantly makes the other unhappy. You don’t just have to accept your friend’s catty behavior towards your man, but if you want a little harmony in your life, you’re going to have to work at it.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

 

First off: is it possible your friends are right?

Your friends have known you for a long time! They know a little something about what’s best for you. Their concern about your relationship might not be unfounded, so don’t write it off immediately. Give them a chance to tell you exactly what it is they don’t like about your guy. They’ll feel disrespected, after years of loyal friendship, if you just shut them out.

istock

istock

Make sure they don’t want him

It’s nasty but it’s common: women falling for their best friend’s man. You are best friends, after all, meaning you have similar taste in people. Don’t act too paranoid, but keep an eye out for behavior indicating your friend(s) just want your man! A truly good friend can put those feelings away and just be happy that you’re happy.

"Black woman with white friends PF"

iStock

If they’re just feeling neglected…

It’s common that when a woman gets into a relationship, she begins to neglect her friendships. Of course your guy deserves your time too, but be sure you’re being reasonable about how you’re splitting up your hours. You don’t need to spend seven nights a week with your man. If you go out with friends one night a week, I promise your guy will still be there the next day.

"friends pf"

Shutterstock

 

Get into matchmaker mode

Even if you’re still putting plenty of face time in with your friends, and even if they don’t desire your man at all, they could still be unhappy simply because they want their own man! And seeing you happily in love makes them realize just how lonely they are. But hey—your guy has friends. Share the love! Get the two groups together often and give your friends the chance to meet a man.

 

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Tell them they can tell you anything

It’s possible your friends know something about your partner that you don’t. They could have witnessed him saying or doing something inappropriate, but out of fear of hurting your feelings, won’t tell you. You’re a strong woman. You can handle the truth and your friends should feel they can tell you it, without you getting angry. Let them know that.

shuttertsock

shuttertsock

Ask yourself where he thrives

Maybe your man and your friends are just meeting in the wrong scenarios. Maybe they always interact at bars or parties, and your guy is better in more intimate settings. Throw a small dinner party! OR maybe your guy chokes up when he’s around all women, and you’re constantly inviting him and your four girlfriends over for dinner. Consider where you’ve seen him be the most likeable, and get your friends in that setting too.

Source: Shutterstock

Source: Shutterstock

 

Give your boyfriend a little coaching

Don’t be afraid to make subtle suggestions to your guy on how he can win your friends over. If your friends mention even one thing that they liked that your guy did, share that praise with him. Encourage him to repeat the behavior. He needs all the help he can get.

Source: Shutterstock

Source: Shutterstock

Tell your friends how he makes you feel

At the end of the day, all that matters is that your guy treats you well and respects you. Even if your friends aren’t crazy about his job, hobbies or personality, they should like him because he makes you happy. So fill them in on all the wonderful things he does for you and all the amazing ways he makes you feel!

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Remind them that both parties love you

That common love should be enough to bond your guy and your girlfriends. Remind them that if he loves you, and they love you, they probably have more in common than they realize.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

They might be missing your ex

Sometimes your friends just really liked your ex, and expected you two to end up together. Your friends might still be getting over your last guy! Even though you’ve totally moved on. Remind them why your ex was no good for you, even if he was a likeable person. Make your friends keep in mind that your happiness is top priority, not their preference.

Source: Shutterstock

Source: Shutterstock

 

Maybe they’re worried because you’re a pushover

If you tend to be a pushover in relationships, failing to ask for what you want, or making sure that your needs are met, your friends are going to be wary of any guy you date. If this could be the case, assure your friends that this time is different (and take stock of that yourself!)

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

 

They might not like his past

Maybe your friends like your guy now, but are uncomfortable with the facts of his past. Gently remind them that everybody has some skeletons in their closets. In fact, you could probably reference one story from each of your girlfriend’s pasts that they’re not too proud of. All that matters is who your guy is today.

"black couple bowling PF"

Shutterstock

Their interests are way too different

Maybe your friends and your guy just have nothing in common! Or at least, it seems that way for now…Teach your guy to enjoy bottomless mimosa Sunday, or True Blood, or potlucks. Show your friends the fun side of Comicon, or beer pong, or Football Sundays. Put in a little work to make these activities fun for both your friends and your partner.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

 

Just don’t turn a blind eye

It should raise at least a small red flag if your friends are dead set against you dating a guy. You don’t need to drop him, but you’d be dumb to stubbornly block out the signs your friends are trying to point out to you.

Trending on MadameNoire

View Comments
Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN
  • If they aren’t really frenemies I would ask them why they don’t like him. Discern ladies. He might be hot and funny but lack ambition or come off as extremely condescending. Maybe they sense something is off with him that you can’t feel because you are in lust with him.

  • Barbara Codner

    Consider their feelings/concerns but follow your gut!! I’ve seen instances when friends/family were dead on & I’ve seen instances where they were dead wrong.

  • pretty1908

    Yes, in a perfect world we would like all our friends to get along with our friends, but we have to be realistic. Honestly, as long at they are civil to one another…it really doesn’t matter.