Opposites Only Attract So Much: How To Tell If You Have Too Many Differences

July 10, 2013  |  
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You and your partner are going to have differences. If you didn’t, you’d be bored to death. But which differences are endearing, and enriching for you both, and which are insurmountable and will just cause trouble? Let’s take a look.


You don’t love each other’s friends

There should be a set of core values that drew you and your partner together in the first place, and those same core values are found in your group of close friends. So if your guy and your friends constantly bump heads, always misunderstanding each other and rubbing each other the wrong way, your partner might not be the kind of person who fits into your close knit circle.


Somebody is always compromising

Almost any time you two are together, one person isn’t entirely happy. You can never agree on activities, so in general you have to take turns being satisfied. But this means you can never bond over enjoying a shared experience.


You don’t laugh at the same things

You may have a great little rapport between the two of you, but life consists of a lot more than pillow talk. And if it’s very obvious that the things that charm, entertain and humor one of you out in the real world have absolutely zero effect on the other, you’ll start to feel distance over time.


You don’t enjoy vacation together

Vacation is one of the easiest times for a couple to get along! You have nothing to do but have fun. If you’re getting into constant fights over which five star restaurant to eat at, or whether you should zip line or Jet Ski, you just don’t enjoy one another’s company.

You can’t decide on a vacation together

You haven’t even taken a vacation together—not even for a weekend—because you could not decide on a destination. Essentially, the prospect of it just being the two of you alone for a few days sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.


You have to do something you said you’d never do

In order to be with this person, you have to break very important rules for yourself, cross lines you said you’d never cross and, in general, compromise your own morals.


Stories end in fights

Any time one of you tells a story from your past, you end up arguing. Your past is part of who you are: it shouldn’t anger your partner.



The way he spends money gives you anxiety

He is painfully cheap, or irresponsibly lavish. He is wasteful, or too conservative. One day your money and his money will be conjoined if you get married, and you’ll deal with that anxiety, but ten times stronger.



He’s embarrassed when you’re not and visa versa

You always seem to embarrass him in some way, or vice versa ,but neither of you see it coming at all. When you embarrass him, you did not for a second think what you were doing was inappropriate. You begin walking on eggshells because you don’t know what will set him off.


You often find him immoral

He regularly does things that you would never do—things that even sadden you, or that you feel are hurtful to others. Even if he’s kind to you, it’s not sustainable to be with someone whose behavior towards others makes you cringe.


Your fondest memories don’t include him

Looking over the time period in which you’ve been together, your happiest moments haven’t included him. Really think about those moments: those moments you felt happy to be alive, you felt invincible, and you felt proud and optimistic. He wasn’t there.


You eat different dinners/watch different shows right next to each other

In bed at night, you do your own thing. You’re both on your respective laptops, headphones in, watching your own respective favorite shows or movies. You eat different food for dinner, right next to each other, because you both just wanted what you wanted.


You feel resentful after sex

After sex you feel resentful, you want to be far away from him, you may even feel nauseous. Your subconscious speaks to you through your body, and when it knows you’re with the wrong partner, it shivers when you give your body up to that partner.



You have to spend a lot of time apart

You argue so much, that you have to spend a substantial part of the week apart just to get some peace in your life. Your relationship survives mainly on the time you spend apart, not together.

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