What’s in a Name: Should You Change, Keep or Hyphenate Your Last Name After Marriage?

81 comments
July 6, 2013 ‐ By Brooke Dean

Earlier this week,  I attempted to send an email to a co-worker. His last name is “Snyder,” so like I do with most of my co-workers that I email frequently, I start typing “S-N-Y…” in the “to” field of the email waiting for his name to auto-populate.

Nothing.

I type in his first name, and the only name that comes up has the last name “Lovelace.”

I have no idea who that is, so I decide to look up “Snyder” in the employee directory.

Again…nothing.

This is all very strange to me as I have probably emailed him a thousand times, so I start asking around to see if he’s left the company and maybe I just didn’t know about it.

Colleagues respond, “Nope, he’s here today…I just saw him.”

I explain that his email isn’t coming up and that he’s no longer listed in the company directory.

“Oh, you have to look him up under ‘Lovelace’ now…he got married.”

Huh?

Sensing my confusion, the colleague explained that because his wife was an only child and the last in her family to carry the name “Lovelace,” he agreed to change  his last name after they got married so that their son could carry on her family name. They had their son before they got married and the son carried the mother’s last name, not his.

Needless to say, I was a bit shocked. I don’t know too many men who would have gone for that. Unless he hates his family and everything associated with it, I can’t imagine why a man would change his name to his wife’s family name instead of keeping the tradition of his own. I thought that was a selfless thing to do.

But how many of men would do that, and how many women would make that request?

I mean, it’s one thing for a wife to hold on to her maiden name, but for a man to allow his child – especially his son – to take on a different last name when he is clearly in his life? I don’t know one man who would go for that unless he was a deadbeat and simply didn’t care.

But I have to admit, I’ve thought about this very issue a few times in my life prior to getting engaged. My father and his brothers all had daughters.  As far as I know, I’m the last “Dean” child in my family. My female cousins either never carried the “Dean” name because they were born to Dean women who were married or took on their father’s last name or they’ve all gotten married. My sister took on her husband’s last name completely – no hyphen. And now that I’m engaged, I wonder if the “Dean” name will end with me.

I can’t imagine it being easy to give up your name – a name you’ve known all your life. I mean, after all, “Brooke Dean” just sounds so good together – at least to me it does. I always thought my name sounded professional, sharp, smart…or just plain cool. But it’s my name, so of course I’d be a little biased. Sure, when I had boyfriends, I’d put their last name after my first name to see how it would sound. I’ve dated guys with interesting last names, boring last names, long last names, short last names, etc. I even dated a guy whose last name was “Brooker” – you can imagine my misgivings about EVER marrying him. I would sign my name over and over again, hyphenated and “un-hyphenated,” just to see if another last name “worked” but none of the last names sounded as good to me as “Dean.”

Brooke Dean…the end of my family line.  This is the name I say over and over again at work, in introductions, that I sign my checks with, my emails with, sign for packages with, sign in at the doctor’s office with, that I see in credits…who I see in the mirror.

Brooke Dean is who I am. How do I give that away?

After hearing that my co-worker sacrificed his last name, it got me thinking if my fiancé would be willing to do the same thing. When I asked him, he said he would do it if it meant that much to me, especially since his ex-wife still carries his last name. He said he would change it just to make me happy. I thought that was sweet, but I don’t think I’d ever ask someone to give up their last name simply because of any insecurities I might have about giving up my own or because some other woman won’t let it go. So I asked him if he’d be offended if I kept my last name after we married. He said no and figured I’d keep it for professional reasons anyway. At the end of the day, he said he’d like it if I hyphenated it – this way keeping the best of both worlds. Something to think about.

I know most men would argue that their name should be taken so that the family will be a unit, and I get that. Some say it’s tradition, and the “family” aspect that attracts me. I don’t know about that tradition part; I’d argue that I’m not as much into that.

Are we placing too much importance on a name or does it carry weight that we should take more seriously? Maybe in the case of Mr. Lovelace, we can start our own traditions.

What say you?

More from Styleblazer

More from Mommynoire

MadameNoire Video

Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN
  • Hippie Feet

    I took my first husband’s last name and eliminated my maiden name. I subsequently gave up not only all I had, but all I WAS for a man who ended up abusing both me and my daughter (from a previous relationship). We divorced, and I took back my maiden name. My daughter’s father and I have since reconciled and are now engaged. I’m not planning to give up my maiden name; I’ve told him that I would like to hyphenate, but my name is the only part of the person that I used to be that I will ever get back after the hell that I went through, and I want to hold onto it. Our daughter has my maiden name and now has the choice as to which name she would like to have when we marry. It’s not a symbol of a lack of commitment, and I know VERY well the type of devotion that is necessary for a marriage to succeed. What is not necessary is giving up one’s identity for the sake of “tradition.” A little dash in my name won’t make us less married or eliminate my commitment to him. He’s having a hard time with it; I’m trying to help him understand that it’s not about him. It’s about me and making peace with my past. Because no, I don’t leave my family behind. My family will always be part of me; they will simply become “our” family, as will his.

    • Hippie Feet

      To clarify, I don’t expect him to change his name in any way if he doesn’t want to. My decision regarding my name is simply that.

  • Candacey Doris

    If i were the last one i would ask him to change it. If he wasn’t the only guy or the last in his family. But for myself it all depends on how things turn out. If he asks me to change my name i’m all for it. I’ll just add it on to the back of my name. But i may keep using my name in business.

  • Lurking

    My husband and I have been together for almost 20 years and have been married for half of that. I didn’t change my name and it is no big deal to us. He doesn’t even wear a ring. We have two kids and one of each has one of our respective last names. It may not be conventional but it works for us. Noting having his last name has not effected our relationship at all.

  • ridindirty2130

    It’s funny that as our “traditions” become “outdated” and be deemed as “MAN-made,” that the divorce rate continues to rise and the age at which we get married at is also on the rise.

    • JMO

      EXACTLY! The more we change the dynamic of the traditional family/marriage the more problems and failures. Something obviously isn’t working!

    • sweettea

      The divorce rate is not rising its actually been holding steady forthe last few decades

  • Pingback: There Are Still Some Good Men Out There | Talk About It

  • bluechou

    why do you think to change your name after marriage?

  • CoolDude

    I find the notion of my wife keeping her name as ridiculous as me wearing the wedding dress – replete with man-cleavage and exposed decolletage.

    I respect other people’s choices but for me, it’s a deal breaker … although I accept there are extenuating circumstances … partner in a law firm being one … being Janet Jackson another.

    People don’t have to get married … it’s 2013. Seriously.

    Fortunately, it was a non-issue when we got married 6 months ago. She gladly took my name and I wore a dark tux. I will defend her with my life.

    • clwa0303

      You would defend her with your life but leave her if she didnt take your name??? You obviously don’t love her that much

      • CoolDude

        Not true. I would simply reconsider marrying someone who had reservations.

        Agreed some of the traditions are anachronistic but like I said we don’t have to get married.

        I consider taking my name a central pillar to the marriage covenant.

        She is now my Mrs and I love it.

  • KeepinItReal

    Keep your last name on all of your personal assets such as bank accounts, stock portfolios, deeds, insurance etc.
    Whatever you build together can be listed in your married name because if you two ever divorce that’s what the courts will consider as joint assets.

  • DR.FUNK

    Hyphenate last names after you marry is DUMB. I say take the last name that “flows” smoothly.I think “marketing” takes precedence over “tradition”.(sue me) Then name your children.Hopefully you did a good job with both.BTW: If both of you were named horribly…what better time to change them than when you’re starting a new life together?
    Think about it.

  • Anime_no_Yuusha

    When I realized after I got married that changing my name just meant changing it on my SS Card and Drivers License, I said wow…that’s pretty lame. Therefore, I don’t think it matters what you do. On paper/official documents I go by my maiden name, but for everyone else I go by my Husbands last name. Its a pretty dumb debate considering there is no real “official” name change.

  • Steve Stone

    When I hear a woman has a hyphenated name, I know a pain in the a** is on the way

  • iHM

    I don’t know what I would do. I guess I would just let my husband decide. I’m really attached to my last name, but honestly I don’t really feel like it’s my choice alone to make. I’m not the last person in my family to carry the name, that’s not what bothers me about changing it. It just means a lot to me because my culture means a lot to me and I am really far away from my home country. But I think husbands and wives should talk about it together, women shouldn’t act like it’s our choice alone to make just because it’s our names – you’re entering into a marriage which is a joint venture. And you need to show your husband some respect and honor. But he can also respect and honor you by taking your feelings towards your name into consideration. Personally I’d like to take on my last name as my middle name and take his last name.

    • Laine

      Isn’t that the Iranian flag? You mentioned that you were far away from your country, and since you are on this site, are you Iranian from African descent? Just recently found out that they excist, sorry I had to ask..:-)

      • iHM

        Yes, it’s the Iranian flag, with weed leafs on it, lol. It’s cool that you noticed, some people have asked me if it’s the Mexican flag before! I’m Iranian but not from African descent, although people like that definitely exist, they are Bandari Iranians. There are white Iranians too, in the north, the Azeris. But I’m just a regular ol’ brown Iranian / Persian :) I’m just on the site because I like black celebrities / black media in America a little more than the other stuff, sorry if I’m intruding.

        • Laine

          No, you’re not intruding at all! Thanks for replying…!

  • Alexis Morris

    I’m not changing my last name and my children will have my last name. My bf doesnt have any feelings for his father at all and no emotional attachment to his last name or that part of his family. My last name is that of my grandfather who took good care of me and I care for very deeply. We are a family mostly of females who’s children are being born with the name of their fathers, so our last name is becoming a thing of the past, I just want to be able to hold onto it.

    • clwa0303

      Same here. My father was the MOST WONDERFUL MAN I ‘VE EVER KNOWN. I always knew I would never change my name because of that. I’m proud of my name. My bf knows that and respects our son must have my last name to carry on my father’s name. My bf has 3 other sons from another relationship that have his name. Our son is the only to carry my father’s for the new generation, since my sisters children have her married name and my brother has daughters.

  • Child_Puhleez

    I hyphenated during my marriage. I still believe in love & hope to re-marry, but I’ll never hyphenate again, nor will I take his name. *shrugs*

  • Tehani

    I see no reason for women to change their surname.

  • From Brooklyn with luv

    I recently got married in April and me and my then fiancee spoke about me keeping my maiden name. He wasn’t hearing it.. I’m all for the whole being presented properly as a family unit but my dad only had me so his name dies with me. Its kinda sad but then is that my fault? Should I be the one all bent out of shape about it? My dad never even mentioned it.. Does he even care? Its really a lot to think about and it kinds of puts a toll on you.

  • P Smith

    There are many cultures where the women keep their maiden names. No problem with that, but also in those same cultures, the children usually take the father’s last name. I have no problem with a woman keeping her name or hyphenating her name, but I would never change my name to her last name, and our children will carry my name. That’s just how i personally feel about it.

  • BOB

    Things like this is why i tell men don’t even bother with marriage

  • Cass

    This is a cultural thing. In many Asian cultures, particularly China, the women never change their maiden names. Ever. They have their father’s names and that’s that. Children take their father’s names. The way Americans now do it, with hyphenations, keeping their maiden names, husbands also changing names, I find this a natural evolution of a culture of immigrants. That’s what we do here, isn’t it? We’re a country of many ideas and beliefs and that’s perfectly fine.

    There is nothing “unmanly” about a man changing his last name unless in your world there’s only one way to be manly. Just as there’s nothing “unfeminine” about keeping your maiden name unless once again, there’s only one way to be a woman. Which we all know isn’t true as this site reminds us daily.

    If you want to make a certain decision about your name within your own family, that’s absolutely your right. The only reason why Mr. Lovelace changing his name ought to make you feel uncomfortable is if you are a person who is generally uncomfortable with change/difference. I mean, if name-changing isn’t supposed to signify that your spouse ‘owns’ you or whatever then why does it bother you which spouse does the changing?

    There’s no problem with disagreeing on this issue so long as you’re aware of WHY you disagree. I have many friends who self-identify as feminists, for instance, who struggle with this last name issue because they can’t decide if it makes them less of one if they do change their name. This is what I tell them: Feminism is about choice. It is not about any particular choice but the idea of giving more choices to women in general. Making any decision on your own behalf for your own well-being is automatically a feminist choice. The end. :)

    Thoughts?

    • Naeisha

      Love it.

  • HONEYLOVE

    I dated a guy who I know would have changed his last name to mine. His friends use to tease him and call him his first name but add my last name onto it because they said he was so in love with me.

  • Rashida

    Be glad someone is willing to give you their name! I will take it in a instant!

  • DRKG

    It’s wrong that he had to change his last name to her last name just so their son could have the same last name as both of them. Why didn’t they just give the son both last names? This makes no sense………….grow “a pair of cojones” Mr. Lovelace.

    • GM_I

      Just the further pussification of the American man smh. Every change that has been made, has been by women. They’re shaping that shlt into a true prison for men, it should be avoided at all cost.

      • JMO

        I was with you until the opt out part lol…Not all women feel that way but yeah Mr. Lovelace sounds soffftttttt and for me personally I don’t prefer that kind of man. My boyfriend has made it clear he wants me to take his last name. I’ve always wanted to regardless. I feel it’s not just a name but a showing of honor, respect, becoming one…I personally feel like when men are the lead (in a respectful and God-driven way) the family dynamic works. This whole fight for women to be in charge is breaking us down. (Not all times but most)

        • GM_I

          Never said “All” as in 100%, but that is what the majority (51% or more) of females within America consist of. They chop off their husbands ballz, use his children & the biased court system to control them & turn them into beaten dogs, they raise their lil boys to either be girls or be servants of women. It’s why so many women today are complaining about so many males being weak & softer than they are these days. How there aren’t anymore manly men anymore. Masculinity in America is on the decline & is considered wrong/bad by society. It will be extinct in the next 20-30yrs if this continues. America is becoming one big gaping vaglna.

      • DRKG

        I was with you up until the “opting Out” part………we don’t want to go doing all of that…………black males are still important to the continuation of the line and marriage is a great way to go about raising successful black children.

        • GM_I

          Marriage is good for children and women ONLY, its a prison sentence & torture chamber for men. If u want to sacrifice yourself, finances, sanity and ballz for the next generation of blk men that may or may not become someone significant in life or change the blk community for the better that hasn’t happened with all the other blk couples that have already gotten married and raising their kids, be my guest. You got that shlt bruh…I’d rather it be u than me, marriage will turn u into as much of a puss-c as your avi in the end lol

          • DRKG

            Check the stats…….men benefit more from marriage then women do. And marriage is stressful when men don’t step into the leadership position as the “head” and women don’t act in a submissive position and accept the headship.
            Oh, and leave my avatar alone………it perfectly conveys my sarcastic and cynical nature.

            • GM_I

              HA!!! How about u post these stats & the links to them. Your avi and this comment u made about marriage being beneficial to men conveys how much of a puss-c u already are, no wonder u want to get married smh…You cant even state 5 FACTUAL benefits men get from marriage, that they couldn’t without marriage. What u don’t understand about the laws within America, regarding marriage, is that it tips the balance of power in the favor of women. Married women in America, don’t have to be submissive to their men/husbands & most deem themselves the “head” & “leader” of the family, where anything she says goes & her husband must obey or suffer being divorced, finances drained & any children between the two, stripped from him. It’s also why they let themselves go & become obese, why barely any of them even cook a hot meal & why so many marriages are s3xless (married women know they don’t have to put out anymore when they have a man sign on the dotted line) becuz if he doesn’t like it or decides to cheat, she’ll divorce him & ruin him financially.
              How about u check the stats amongst divorce, whom it is that is filing divorce first, the reasons why this particular gender files for divorce, which gender is receiving majority of spousal & child support, as well as, being awarded half or more of the other spouses assets (even if they didn’t contribute in any way) once its all said and done. But someone like u should get married, you deserve everything that comes with it lol

              • DRKG

                I could post some stats, but it wouldn’t change your opinion *shrug*…………..but what you are doing is pointing out the dysfunctional marriages (that often lead to divorce) and using that as a marriage bashing example.

                • GM_I

                  Stop being a puss-c, post the stats & also mention these benefits of marriage for men u speak of. Post a link & I’ll do the rest, simple. You don’t even have to type anything the link states, I’ll read it myself & share my thoughts later.

                  You complain I’m bashing marriage, yet u tuck ur tail & run when given the chance to defend it & prove anything I’ve said to be wrong. Newsflash; majority of marriages are dysfunctional, that’s why majority of them fail, why so many husbands and wives have affairs, murder each other, abuse one another etc. The reasons most ppl in America even get married are dysfunctional, so it was destined for failure from the beginning. Keep your avi as is, it really does suit a puss-c such as yourself.

                  • DRKG

                    ………….check previous articles in black enterprise, because I remember reading an article in there…………………but like I said, not gonna change ur opinion, so peace out bro.

                • GM_I

                  Stop being a puss-c, post the stats & also mention these benefits of marriage for men u speak of. Post a link & I’ll do the rest, simple. You don’t even have to type anything the link states, I’ll read it myself & share my thoughts later.

                  You complain I’m bashing marriage, yet u tuck ur tail & run when given the chance to defend it & prove anything I’ve said to be wrong. Newsflash; majority of marriages are dysfunctional, that’s why majority of them fail, why so many husbands and wives have affairs, murder each other, abuse one another etc. The reasons most ppl in America even get married are dysfunctional, so it was destined for failure from the beginning. Keep your avi as is, it really does suit a puss-c such as yourself.

          • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

            Fair enough. I trust you don’t have children and you plan on NOT having children. EVER!

            No need to bring an innocent into dysfunction.

            • GM_I

              Don’t have kids and don’t want any. However, keep in mind, as a male in America, I have no reproductive rights, so if I impregnate a woman, I have no legal authority to stop it, even if I want to. Becoming a father isn’t an “exclusive choice” I have the legal right to in this country.

    • Tehani

      “It’s wrong that he had to change his last name to her last name just so their son could have the same last name as both of them.”

      Um, did you read the article?

      “Sensing my confusion, the colleague explained that because his wife was an only child and the last in her family to carry the name “Lovelace,” he agreed to change his last name after they got married so that their son could carry on her family name.”

      • DRKG

        I’m sorry, but was that not partially implied by what I said? The man changed his name to the wife’s last name, therefore, the SON has the same last name as all. I don’t get your point…………..yeah I read the article, but did you read what I said, or are you just wanting to be disagreeable.

        • Tehani

          No, it was not.

  • Superwife

    You can do whatever you like…keeping, hyphenating, or changing your name means NOTHING if you are married to the wrong guy. And it means nothing if you are married to the right guy. The key is the strength and respect and love in the relationship – not which name you sign on your checks.

    • rista

      Acquiring the man’s name is a demonstration of love and respect. The wife holding on to her father’s name contradicts the notion of the two becoming one. It is for this reason the father “gives away” his daughter as a part of the marriage ceremony. Your comment includes several good but distinctly different points. A name is far more than a collection of letter s.

      • Guest360

        You’re assuming that all women have their father’s last name or that he gave his daughter away at her wedding. Just sayin. We’re living in a world where tradition is changing. Its not condusive to paint everyone with a single brush. Just be mindful of that.

        And for some people, it is just a name. For others its greatly important whether you’re of the mindset to change it or keep it. No one is right or wrong in their position. Do what makes you feel comfortable. Period.

        • rista

          You’ve missed the point. Marriage is not merely a tradition.
          Clearly life in general involves choices. This entire article and subsequent comments surround that concept.I suspect you missed the conversation I was following.
          The principle of cleaving to another is reflected in the name.
          That is a fact. What people choose to do is up to them. The rationale for such decision is what we were discussing.
          Which parent”s name the woman carries is irrelevant

  • Mel

    I’ve noticed a lot of women in America change their last name after marriage, here in Europe that’s an old thing I’ve been told, women in general keep their father’s name after they marry!

    • tythegemini

      That’s true, i work with a lady who is Syrian and when i was writing her and her husband a thank you card i assumed that her last name was THEIR last name. She let me know that over there they don’t take their husbands last name. They keep their family name and their children together take the husbands name. She said that’s customary in Europe and the Middle East.

  • lacehankies

    Here we go subscribing to MAN-made laws again…..

    …. The twain shall become ONE! And it is for this reason that a man CLEAVES to his WIFE and leads his wife! I accept his NAME— which is WHY I’m NO longer using my MAIDEN name.

    It has always BEEN that a SON carries the FAMILY name.

    • Sophia

      You capitalize a lot of words for no reason. Why?

      • lacehankies

        Did I overlook the RULES of a uniform style of TYPING on this site?!!? Why are you incensed by MERE fonts—SMH!

        • Guest

          Your crazy

        • Grammar Freak

          It’s not a font. It’s inappropriate capitalization. You are making your sentence look like a 12-year-old wrote it. Look up MLA or CMS style and it will tell you that you are using improper formatting. Oh, and don’t bother trying to make an em dash when it won’t be formatted by this forum.

    • Superwife

      So. You are free to do it your way – but you are not free to declare your way the ONLY RIGHT way. You think women who take their husband’s name guarantee marital success. HA! you are delusional. I know women who never took their husband’s name – still married and women who took their husband’s name and are divorced. But I told my husband – I take your name – I am dying with it and you. No way you are going to ever consider divorcing me after I exchange my father’s name for your father’s name.

      • lacehankies

        Please do NOT mince MY words because I’m not delusional nor did Incite any notion of it being my way or NO way..
        …..the TWAIN shall be ONE flesh is a MAN and woman submitting themselves to ONE another.
        If you do not subscribe to GOD’s law that’s your CHOICE.

        • Laine

          In what part of the bible scriptures did you read that a woman should take her husbands name? What part did you make that interpret it that way? There is nothing wrong with it, but just to make something clear. Maria was never mentioned with the last name of her husband (e.g. Maria Christ, or Maria of Joseph). What does taking your husbands name or not have to do wit the bible and God?

          • lacehankies

            OKAY…who is Maria?

            Where in my comment DID I indicate that taking a LAST name was scriptural?!!? What I stated was that the TWAIN shall become ONE flesh, thereby a MAN cleaving to his WIFE and LEADING his WIFE!

            “For your MAKER is your HUSBAND….(Isaiah 54:5) Eve was formed from on of Adam’s ribs…

            IF you do NOT subscribe to taking your HUSBAND’S last name that’s your CHOICE.

            • Laine

              Maria, or maybe you Americans would call her Marie, the mother of Christ?? Jesus Christ?

              Okay, so what exactly are you indicating? Yes to taking last names, or not? You know what… never mind…

          • jalabi

            In Biblical times, did people even HAVE last names? Surnames really started taking off in the 1400s — in other words, at least a millenium after the start of the Christian Era — so that they could distinguish between the John whose father was a blacksmith (“John Smith”) and the John who lived near a river (“John Brook”), and the John whose father was named “Will” (“John Wilson”), etc.

  • sabrina

    I understand how you feel girl. But me, on the other hand, will gladly give up my last name for my husband’s because my last name is so dang popular in Jamaica, and those that are of Jamaican descent. Random people keep trying to add me on Facebook thinking we’re somehow related because we have the same last name. Or I’ll meet someone of Jamaican descent here, and they’ll ask if I know so-and-so because they have the same last name. I kid you not…my ex-boyfriend’s mother’s maiden name is my last name! We kind of went through our whole relationship aware of the fact that we’re probably distant cousins somewhere down the line, but tried not to think about it because we were already in too deep haha

    So since I don’t have to worry about my last name dying out, I will gladly take my husband’s last name. No hyphenation or anything, because we’ll truly be in it until the very end. <3

  • Bits

    Save yourself a lot of time and $$$ don’t get married :-)

  • clwa0303

    Any man who feels like you are dishonoring him or disrespecting him for choosing to keep YOUR NAME is a fool. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with if it makes your marriage stronger. You and your future husband can only determine that. I wish people would stop caring what society and “traditions” say YOU should do with your own life.

  • dj r

    In other word you really not that into the whole forever and ever part ! lol….

    • clwa0303

      Obviously sharing the same last name does not determine the strength or validity of her future marriage hence her fiance’ previous marriage. Would consider your last name since you feel so strongly?? And there is absolutely nothing wrong with black women and there is no reason to think we don’t “understand” what marriage is based on a tradition that has absolutely nothing to do with the love and commitment between 2 people.

    • Sophia

      LOL? Because only black women think about keeping their last name? Oh sweet ignorance.

    • Dee*MthaFkn*Cee*B!tch

      You mean like the “i”in independent? OOps! Ah Ah Ah! Open your mouth now. Eat it, eat it and dont spit it out!

    • PopDown

      Personally I favor a hyphenated name. I don’t want my wife to feel as though she is my property.

      If she chooses to keep her name that’s absolutely fine. The most important thing is the strength of our relationship.

      Some women feel like they have to give up their entire essence just because they have a husband. Then when he divorces you he strips you of his name.

      There will never come a day when I will adopt the surname of any woman. Men are being emasculated too much these days.

      You keep your name and I will keep mine….a strong relationship is all that matters…

    • Kayla

      “This is the problem with most black women…” Smh. Yeah, like you know the majority of black women! I must say, I’m getting real sick of black men (I assume) starting off comments like this. FYI: I work in an office full of white women and MOST of them still use their maiden name so you can get off the “problem with black women” because it’s a personal choice not a racial issue.

      • wepa 1

        He is another angry black male that wants to throw shade. Some of these bm today are just plain useless. They byytch and moan over everything. Everything is bw fault or the white male. Just look at all their bitter youtube videos. Ive never seen a group of sadder males. Im not saying all but too many.

    • Rosetta’s stoned

      Did you grow up in a two parent home? because you sound like one of those “i didnt have a daddy” negro’s.

    • Janice S. Roberts

      just as Judy replied I’m amazed that people can make $6319 in four weeks on the computer. have you read this webpage w­w­w.K­E­P­2.c­o­m

    • secret

      I’m Black and I totally understand what a marriage is…I work for a white doctor and his wife almost bit somebody’s head off, bc they called her by his last name. She goes by her surname. So it’s not just MOST black women…it’s SOME women in general…

    • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

      I agree. He’s officially placing you on HIS family tree. Thus the father GIVING you away. That’s symbolic of you leaving your father’s family to join your husband’s.

      But really no one can say how that all should work but you and your husband to be.

      • dj r

        cheekee baby, i have noticed from your comments; you are one of the few women who gets it !

    • Dee Dee Mosley

      Its away to honor both.

Get the MadameNoire
Newsletter
The best stories sent right to your inbox!
close [x]