Here’s the scenario: You’re out with the gals and one of them is smack dab in the middle of a dating crisis. One of your friends offers the group what she thinks is stellar advice on men and you’re left thinking, “Jeez, is that really what men want?”
So many of us grow up being told lies about what men want in a relationship and what men are looking for in a wife. These lies are so rampant that I get questions everyday in my inbox asking me advice based on these lies: How do I make him think I don’t like him so that he wants me? How do I act more “chill” like his friend, so that he enjoys hanging out with me? How do I pretend I’m not mad at him when I feel so angry inside? The truth is that most men are a lot more emotionally deft and capable of intimacy than we’ve given them credit for. Most times, we let society’s lies create fear in us and this fear get in the way of us being ourselves around men and communicating our needs. We’re left feeling despaired about love and forced to assume men are enigmas.
Lie #1: Men Want A Woman Who Is “One Of The Guys”
Maybe this was true in high school and college. Those are the years when you can hang with the guys in big groups, make out with a few male friends and act as if love and commitment is silly. That’s when a friends-with-benefits situation can work and everyone can experiment with relationships as they grow up.
But you aren’t in school anymore and grown, masculine, mature men want feminine women. They want to feel like they have to be on their best behavior to impress a date. Men fall in love when they feel that a certain woman pushes them to be a better man. And the best way to do this is to be a classy, elegant, confident lady who doesn’t accept “hang-out buddies with perks” as a substitute for a real relationship.
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