Dating For Marriage And Nothing Less? Here’s How To Get What You Want

June 27, 2013  |  

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From YourTango

“I’m a marriage minded single woman in my late 30’s that is having a hard time with dating for marriage!  I am very frustrated.  I don’t seem to know the answers to all the do’s and don’ts.  Do you tell men upfront that you want to get married?  Do you ever call them?  It seems like men play so many games.  And, once they get your attention, they tend to run away.  What is your advice?” This is a very common theme from my clients and the singles I talk to.  My answer to her is this:

No one has all the answers and I don’t recommend you be someone that you are not.  I do suggest that you be your authentic self.  The right person will respond positively to you and the wrong ones will self select themselves out of your life.   Not everyone is going to be your cup of tea and visa versa.

Dating for marriage is a process where you need to be willing to spend the time to explore and get to know someone to see if you are a good fit.  I teach there are three basic things you need to line up with a life partner:

1. Your relationship values need to be aligned.
2. Your life goals need to be the same and you need to want the same things out of life.
3. Your Must Haves has to be present in the relationship where you don’t see any of your deal breakers.

It takes time to really get to know someone and you have to be a detective where you are looking for the clues to all the above.  Life goals are the easiest to discover because you can just ask, “What goals have you set for yourself in the next 2 to 5 years?”  And then, you can share after your date answers the above question, “I see myself married (again) (with a family)”.  You fill in the blanks here.  If your goals are not similar, then it’s for the best that you not continue the relationship (or “run away” to use your words).


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