You Ain’t Got To Lie: Things You Should Be Open, Honest And Upfront About In A Relationship

June 27, 2013 ‐ By Nicole Akoukou Thompson

blackcouple date

Sometimes, a good lie can really get the ball rolling; the small seemingly innocent fib about your interest in the San Antonio Spurs mirrors the untruth that he tells about his appreciation of art history to show you’re both interested in the other. And, barring a visit from Tim Duncan or the ghost of Jean-Michel Basquiat to test your knowledge, you’re both in the clear. Besides, in the grand scheme of things, those two lies probably won’t be game changers, and it will probably be chucked to “one of those things that we said when we first met.”

While a few offhand fabrications may make for good utensils for conversation, too many lies, white or otherwise, can color your relationship in a negative way. Some things should never be lied about, especially if the result of that lie will lead to the collapse of your relationship in the future.

The Past

Fundamentally, a person is comprised of things that they have said, seen, and done. So, when a person takes to being untruthful about their personal history, it’s a bit more serious than lying about liking Pepsi more than Coca-Cola. The things that a person has witnessed and experienced: deaths, births, school, imprisonment, marriage, and various milestone, are important to share and to be honest about. These collective factors contribute to the type of relationships that they will have or maintain.

& Job

Things are hard all ‘round, so while most people aren’t really searching the market for an unemployed partner, most folks aren’t in the position to judge you for being underemployed or unemployed –so don’t lie. In addition to claiming that you have a job when you don’t, please don’t lie about how much you make because you will be found out. There is no reason to tell someone you are rolling in dough when you roll mop buckets across the floor as a custodian at the local junior high for a decent wage. Keep it real.


There’s no need to worry if you tell a lie about knowing how to freestyle or sew. After all, there’s a slim chance that your honey will approach you to spit a verse or sew up the holes in his socks. But, if you lie about your ability to drive or your ability to cook, once again, it’s almost guaranteed that you’ll be found out. Some things are not worth the charade that will ensue if you decide to perpetuate that lie. Yes, men love women who can cook, but it’s perfectly acceptable if you don’t know how to do gender-typical roles. That’s what takeout is for, after all. Just be upfront so he can decide how he feels about it.

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