In Your Circle Are You More Of A Beyonce Or Kelly? How to Deal With Having Successful Friends
Fortunately for many of us, we don’t have to live in the shadow of a mega superstar like Mrs. Carter. Not only has she had one of the most successful music careers of all times, she tops it off with a deal-doing music mogul of a husband and an angel-faced spitting image of the duo, baby Blue Ivy. Even the most secure of women might roll their eyes when Bey’s name is mentioned.
Even with a successful career of her own, Kelly Rowland has laid out the challenges of having an even more successful BFF and how that contributed to her depression and sorrow. With a combination of Bey’s increasing success and her own challenged career and personal life, she couldn’t genuinely be happy for her friend or even maintain a healthy relationship with her at all.
In school, sports and even in our dating lives we are taught to be competitive; for there to be a winner there has to be a loser. This can lead us to measuring our lives against the lives of other people, including those closest to us like our sister friends and home girls.
The phrase “They want to see you do good, but never better than them” can be applied to even our tightest relationships. A couple of years ago the New York Times shared an economic study showing once people make enough money to take care of their needs, they then become more concerned with how much money they make compared to others. So, for example, the study found that most of us would feel better if we make, say, $100,000 if those around us only make $75,000 than if we earned $150,000 while our friends bring in $200,000. Weird, right?
So if our girl Kelly had the career she had after leaving a group like 702, she probably would be significantly more excited about her accomplishments so far, since she would be way more successful than What’s-Her-Face and What’s-Her-Name. The research showed that upward comparisons, Kelly to Beyonce, can make us feel horrible, compared to downward comparisons, Kelly to the 702 girls, which can make us feel better about ourselves.
It’s clear that comparing yourself to others around is natural, but it’s difficult to be a good friend, while being an undercover hater too. The best way to deal with these relationships is to use the success of your friends as motivation to fulfill your own dreams. One of my BFFs, bragged about me to her whole family once I got my first big gig after graduate school and to this day credits me as a driving factor in her motivation to go to grad school.
I have friends that I know are on the track to greatness and may achieve the things I am looking to achieve in my own life much faster and at greater levels. So every day when I wake up and don’t want to give 100 percent, I think about this elite group of friends I have that are waking up earlier, putting more time and energy into their dreams, and stepping out of their comfort zones every single day. At the end of the day, it just makes me want to be a better person and on my way up I know I will have the best at the top with me. Kelly is getting a lot of attention for her latest album (among other things) and the personal message it has. Hopefully it will motivate her to keep reaching higher and higher as well.