Ask A Very Smart Brotha: Is It Ever OK To Ask Your Wife To Have An Abortion?

June 12, 2013  |  

Hey Damon,

Don’t know if you watch Love and Hip Hop ATL but the latest episode really bothered me. Recently, Kirk and Rasheeda, who have been married for 13 years, recently got pregnant unexpectedly. The couple were already having marital and financial problems and Kirk didn’t feel like it was a good time for them to have a child.

During the episode, Kirk asks Rasheeda to get an abortion and then tells her when she has the baby he’ll want a blood test.

So my question is, is it ever appropriate to ask your wife to have an abortion? Why or why not and how do you go about getting a blood test once the baby is born.

Asking About Abortion

Dear Asking,

I have never willingly watched Love and Hip-Hop, Basketball Wives, or any other reality show featuring the extremely well-coiffed concubines of middle-aged Black men with paragraph-long Wiki pages. I don’t know exactly why I’ve never gotten into them, but I think it has something to do with the fact that I have a private part. But, if my girlfriend is watching and I happen to be in the same room, I might pay attention for a couple minutes or so, and I might even…

Ok. Who am I kidding? I have to come clean. Yes, I have willingly watched each of those shows. Have I seen every episode? No. But, I can’t pretend that I don’t know exactly who Mimi and Steebie and Mandeceseseses are either. I could also lie and say that my occupation demands that I watch so I can keep up with what’s culturally relevant, but while (half) true, that’s misleading. I watch for the same reasons everyone else watches: to talk to other people about watching it, and to learn life lessons from Lil Scrappy.

Anyway, back to your question. If there was ever a sign that “Hey, we definitely don’t need to be married anymore” it’s when you question whether the baby growing inside of your pregnant wife belongs to you. Forget about whether Kirk even has a legitimate reason to ask and who is “right” or “wrong” in this situation. If a marriage ever gets to a point where there’s any question whatsoever about whether you’re the father of your pregnant wife’s child, it needs to end. You can’t have a healthy relationship with someone who you don’t trust. And, the fact that he’d even think to ask her that shows he doesn’t trust her. Unfortunately, whether Rasheeda is being truthful doesn’t matter. At this point, the only option is to take a paternity test. And, regardless of the result, see a divorce lawyer the next day.

Sincerely,

Damon Young

Pittsburgh native Damon Young (aka “The Champ”) is the co-founder of the ridiculously popular VerySmartBrothas.com. Their first book “Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide To Dating, Mating and Fighting Crime” is available at Amazon.com

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