Over the weekend, I got engaged. I was never the type of girl to dream of what her perfect proposal would be like, but this one was perfect for me It was just the two of us, a tender moment…and no ring.
When I told my loved ones I was engaged, they were all thrilled for me. But one friend said my engagement wasn’t “official” until I got the ring on my finger. I quickly corrected her saying that the engagement indeed official because he asked and I accepted. The ring, one we choose together, will just be icing on the cake but certainly not necessary when declaring your love for someone. I’m sure there are women who would not even entertain a proposal without the ring, but that didn’t mean anything to me. He told me he couldn’t wait another day without asking me to be his wife. He was overtaken by love and asked from his heart…not the jewelry store.
Which got me to thinking: Do we place too much importance on the ring instead of what the ring means?
While I was celebrating the fact that I was getting my happily- ever-after, the only thing anyone else seemed to really care about is what the RING looked like. Is it big? Too small? Did he take the “4 C’s” into consideration? Did he spend three months – or year’s – salary on the rock? While I will gladly admire a woman’s engagement ring as she proudly shows it off, all I care about is if the woman getting engaged is happy and in love. However, some women would be disappointed, even angry, if the ring wasn’t up to her standard of what his level of love and commitment should symbolize.
Personally, I’ve never been a “jewelry” person. I have my pieces that I wear often, but I don’t drench myself in diamonds and pearls just to say I have them. Some days, I run out of the house without earrings on and more often than not, I use my cell phone to tell me what time it is instead of wearing one of the many watches I own. It’s just not on my mind.
But admittedly, an engagement/wedding ring is something that a woman will [hopefully] be wearing forever, so it makes sense that she’d want to wear something that she likes. But is the ring an accessory or a reflection of his commitment and love to you?
I have another girlfriend who feels the ring is an indication of how much a man loves her, so if he really loves her, he’ll get her a huge rock. Another said she’d rather have a nice, big ring than a nice, big house. You can’t live in a ring but I digress.
I’m sure the wives Kobe and Tiger – well, Tiger’s ex-wife – had huge diamonds on their fingers. Was that big rock an indication of their fidelity to their wives? Clearly not. Big rings don’t equal commitment or loyalty. Sometimes it means the man had the money – or stretched his means – in order to make her happy or show that he can get her a big ring for others to see. The ring doesn’t make the commitment, the person does.
If the ring means that much to a woman, I’d suggest going with the guy to pick it out – but that’s only if marriage is something you’ve discussed and he doesn’t plan on surprising you with the ring. A lot of men take pride in going to pick out the ring on their own, and they want it to be a special surprise for her. But if he’s nervous or worried that she won’t like it because she’s already “hinted” that she doesn’t want a “BS” ring, I think that takes away from the sincerity of the moment. He may even resent you for making him feel like the ring is more important than him and the marriage. Buying and presenting a woman with a ring is probably nerve racking enough as it is, so worrying about if she’ll think the ring is good enough is an added pressure…and that’s no fun.
I understand that most women want a ring they’ll love and want to wear day in and day out. I get that. But if you truly love your man and want to be married to him because you share a bond, then should the ring matter that much? Some women would wear a ring out of a Cracker Jack box if it meant landing the man of their dreams. Others…not so much. In which case, I wonder what they care about more: the man, the marriage, or the ring? Marriage is about love, commitment, and compromise. If you’d rather be blinged out than have a man who loves you enough to propose in the first place, or live in an apartment rather than a house just so you can show off an iced out finger, then the marriage is probably already doomed. Putting a ring on it should be about love, commitment and building a future, not what people think.
But hey, this is coming from a woman who is over the moon ecstatic to be marrying a man who loves her unconditionally and just couldn’t wait any longer to ask her to be his wife – and who proposed to her without a ring.
Feel differently? Would you say “yes” to a proposal without a ring?