A “Married Woman” Or A Wife: Which Woman Do You Really Want To Be?

June 7, 2013  |  


Is what I desire what I truly desire? Is what I want what I really think it is? Do I really know what I am asking for, or is my fantasy greater than the reality I dream of?

So he finally proposed and you’ve set the date. You’ve picked out the perfect dress, selected your bridal party and planned the perfect day to profess your love to the one who professed his love to you when he asked for your hand in marriage. These have been the moments you have been waiting for; being proposed to and planning a wedding and you are now ready to be a wife!

Or are you?

I ask this question because there are a number of single women, and even women who are married, who only desired the union of marriage but they were not ready to take on the task of being a wife. Being married means to unite with the man who has been designed for you in holy matrimony. It also means to take one as an intimate life partner to fulfill your purpose in life together as one unit. Sounds simple enough, right? While marriage is indeed a sacred union, both a man and woman, husband and wife, have roles to play to keep the marriage together. There are a number of women who desire marriage for companionship, financial security, social status, because they want to have children, so on and so on, but how many women want to be a wife in their marriage and not simply a married woman in relationship status?

As a wife a woman has a number of tasks to maintain within the marriage, which I am sure many of us are aware of. However, in order  to complete these tasks and to truly call herself a wife, a woman must first know and recognize what it means to be a wife and not simply a married woman. Some characteristics of a wife include possessing superior inner qualities, having dignity, being selfless, being a helping hand to your husband (for those who are single, being helpful to those around you), having moral worth, having a good reputation, having and using wisdom, having respect for your husband and the marriage, possessing skills/abilities and using them to maintain the household, knowing how to communicate (this includes listening and being heard), being one who practices humility, and the list goes on. These are the traits that a woman who is destined to be a wife is ready to possess.

Without these and other qualities, it will be difficult for a married woman to call herself a wife…in fact, it may be difficult for her husband to call her his wife as well. Further fact, it may be difficult for a man who is seeking his wife to find her if she does not possess these traits as a single woman first. I believe many women desire marriage, but really aren’t ready for what it entails. I say this because so many women and men go into marriage blindly and for the wrong reasons. Just watch some of the Bridezillas. Society has a painted a distorted picture of what being a wife is (getting a fancy wedding), and those images have been set in the minds and hearts of so many single and married women. Something needs to change.

Being married is a beautiful blessing for the parties involved directly and indirectly, and it serves a purpose in those lives. But I am curious to know how many women really want to be a wife and not simply a married woman? I challenge you to reflect on and reevaluate your reasons for desiring marriage and ask yourself if you are ready for the challenges and the triumphs of being a wife. Or is that you truly only desire to be a married woman for the status, because if the latter is true, you and your mate may be in for a rude awakening. What are some reasons you desire marriage? Are they self-centered? Do you want to be a married woman, or a wife?

Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.

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  • Patricia

    So many women want the marriage thinking everything will be a rose garden, perfect, no problems, no disagreements, no challenges that comes up. You are living in a fairy tale, blowing in the wind, fantasizing. There is so such thing as a perfect marriage. Sadly you do have some women think it stop here when you say I do and get that 14 carat rock that’s bigger than their finger.. That is the easy part. After you spend the money, exchange vows, dance at the reception, go on the honeymoon, when all that is done, that is when the wife part come in. People should really get at least 6 months to a year of maritial counseling to make sure they are understanding what is to be a wife. They need to understand you have to be a wife day in and day out. Not just “being married” and don’t want the responsibility that comes with being a wife. Being a wife is a learning process and it does not come with instructions especially if you never been a wife before. Husband definitely need to get counseling as well. I know we are not talking about husbands, we are talking about the wife.

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  • aDayLateAndAdollarShort

    As a woman in a long term relationship, I completely agree. Sometimes I don’t know if I want to marry my partner because we’ve been together for so long, because that’s what my family expects, or if it’s because that’s what society expects. I had to seriously sit down and realize that being a wife is something I am not mentally ready to be. So there’s no purpose in bringing up marriage to the point where it causes a rift in my relationship. Even at 24, I know that I’m not mature enough or far enough in my career to turn our relationship into a single “unit.” And I’m also not ready to put the needs of a husband or children before my needs. I do want to be married, and especially to him, but I don’t want to rush it. My family is full of women who got married because it was the “right” thing to do. Fast forward 40 years later and they tell me they wish they would have waited a little bit longer. There’s no harm in just being boyfriend and girlfriend for the time being. Life is too short to make hasty decisions.

  • Randall Redd

    I recently proposed to my girlfriend (now fiance). In our first month of dating I asked her why she would want to be married for this exact reason. Luckily she’s got a great head on her shoulders.

    Youtube Randall Redd Surprise Proposal to see how I did it!

  • Ms. Kameria

    Neither. Getting married aka “the wedding” is for show. Like it says in the article getting married and being married are two different things. I’m not too fond of neither.



  • GeekMommaRants

    How many of these stories do we need?

  • YaY!

    Typically you learn about marriage from happily married parents. Statistically baby-bommers have not set the example. I am tempted to disagree you have to be a “lady” or gentleman to be married. These are very subjective terms. I say the key to marriage lies in the values of friendship, then buidling from there. We should be clear when discssing relationships and not hide behind terms with varying meanings.

  • SheBe

    OMG! THANK YOU SO MUCH! *waits on some single know-it-all to challenge every detail of this truth*

  • Dee

    Maybe our American divorce rate wouldn’t be so high if people just followed the simple rules of being a WIFE. To be a WIFE you have to be a LADY while you’re a single. Being a LADY is something that is taught from childhood on and is a lifestyle not a title. The phrase “you can’t turn a hoe into a housewife” is a very true statement. Women think once they marry they’ll straighten up and become a desirable/moral woman. Within a marriage you need some type of morality, value system, selflessness, unconditional love and SELF LOVE. If you don’t love or respect yourself, how do you expect to be in a mutually loving relationship?

    • Guest

      You can’t turn a ho into a housewife, but a “ho” can turn into a housewife when they are ready to. My friend used to be hot in the pants in high school and the beginning of college, but when she felt the need to slow down, she did and she met her husband.

    • Pivyque

      “Maybe our American divorce rate wouldn’t be so high if people just followed the simple rules of being a WIFE.”
      OR if people followed the simple rules of being a HUSBAND. It takes two to make a relationship work. A wife can be doing her job and the husband may fall flat. Let’s not throw all of the responsibility on the wife.

  • shrika

    Yes!!!!!!!!! Someone else who “gets it” bless you!!