Do Better: 9 Thoughts Of A Basic Chick

June 5, 2013  |  
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If you’re hip to the lingo, you’ve probably heard the term “basic” being applied to women who make irresponsible life decisions or place value on the shallow or superficial. Typically, when the word basic is used it’s followed by another b word. But since we don’t want to offend or appear basic ourselves, we’re going to use chick for the purposes of this post. While none of us is “too good” to have moments of basic chick-ness; stuff happens and you may occasionally step out of your character. But if you consistently find yourself subscribing to these dysfunctional schools of thought, then this is a wake up call, a plea to do better. See what I mean.

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My “stuff” is so good he’ll never leave.

Not true dear. A grown woman realizes that her love below is not enough to keep a man. And even if it were, is that the type of man you’d want? If you’re going to keep  a man, you’ll want to know your personality, actions and your general chemistry are the reasons he sticks around. I know this is common sense for most of us; but I fear the music industry over the years has led several young girls astray. All the kegels in the world aren’t going to make you worthy of commitment if you still have some self work to accomplish.

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He hits me because he’s passionate

Any woman could find herself in an abusive relationship. It happens to very strong, very accomplished women all the time. The problem presents itself when you start normalizing this very dysfunctional behavior as a rationalization for staying in this type of situation. A man who beats you to show how much he cares, is a man who needs help. And you can’t be the one to see him through.

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She don’t have to know

Old school R&B songs seemed to glorify being the side chick. (See SWV’s “You’re The One.”) But in actuality, just because a man is ok with being unfaithful it doesn’t mean that’s license for you to dip out with her man. Even if the relationship ends up becoming monogamous, it’s still bad for your karma. While it may seem like we’re all out here for self, doing to another woman what you wouldn’t want done to you, is the epitome of tacky.

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I know she seduced him!

If the tables are reversed though, you must realize that while the “other woman” might have seduced your man, at the end of the day, you’re in a relationship with him. So no need to come for the other woman. While she might have betrayed you as well, unless she raped dude, your issue needs to be with him.

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He, she, it can get “the business”

One of the girls I went to high school with lives a life full of stress and turmoil. Occasionally, she’ll question the reasons why she has to go through so much hell. But a short scroll through her other statuses quickly reveal that she is the root cause behind 95 percent of her problems. Essentially, she thrives on mess. Just the other day she was bragging about blacking out and fighting someone who had an issue with her younger cousin. Honey, as a grown woman/mother of two, you should not be out here fighting period but you really shouldn’t be fighting battles that aren’t yours. By the time you turn 18, and your penchant for fisticuffs can land you in jail, it’s time to put that life behind you.

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I won’t let him see his son then…

Of all the basic behaviors this one is probably the most sickening because it affects the life an innocent child. Not getting along with the father of your child is never an excuse to intentionally deny visitation. Unless you believe he’ll endanger your child, keeping your little one away from a father who wants to be present is not just basic, it’s practically evil.

If I get pregnant I can just have another abortion

If you ask me birth control, should be proactive and not retroactive. And while I’m sure some consider abortions a form of birth control, because it prevents a birth, having repeat abortions is not the most cost effective way to prevent a child from coming into the world. I’m not one to tell women what to do with their bodies, but know that subjecting your body to several  abortions can cause problems with fertility later in life. You can avoid all of that with other, less dangerous forms of protection.

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Stepping out dressed to the nines while your children look homeless

Kids will be kids. And there are times when your child will come home looking completely unrecognizable. But if you leave the house first thing in morning fresh than a mug and your child looks like he’s had to struggle, there’s something wrong.

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You talk more about about other people than you think about your own problems

We all talk about people, there’s no denying that. But when a majority of your day is spent discussing the lives of others, while not acknowledging your own shortcomings, there’s a problem. Remember “Great mind discuss ideas, average minds discuss events and small minds discuss other people.”

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