A Personal Reality Check: Why No Men Are Allowed, Until I Get Myself Together…

June 6, 2013  |  


Lately I’ve been distracted. That’s the first step in fixing a problem, admitting it. I have always thought of myself as an ambitious person. I’m goal-oriented and work hard. As older people often tell me, I have a good head on my shoulders. As modest as I can be while tooting my own horn, I usually agree with these sentiments, the majority of the time. That is until distractions (also known as men) take me off my path.

After a string of emotional rollercoaster rides called relationships and enough disappointment to write an Adele-style album, I’ve finally decided that there are other things that I need to work on and figure out before I focus on committing. Days before deciding to write this, I finally declared to myself: “no men until I get me together.”

Okay, so what does this really mean? It’s not as if I’m catching cases, losing sleep, or neglecting responsibilities because of a man; but as a woman always seeking to grow and improve, recently I’ve realized that there are things–emotional things and trust issues–that I should work on before the pursuit of a man.

Because I don’t consider myself an emotional wreck, I’m not totally dismissing all contact with men, but anything even remotely serious or time consuming isn’t allowed. The focus is on me and not on a relationship.

This may not be the best approach for some women, and in time, maybe I will realize that it’s not the answer for me; but at the present time, it makes sense.

As I get older, I’m noticing myself gravitating towards a relationship more than usual. It could be the whole biological clock ticking and me trying to get married and have some babies, or maybe it’s the pressure from so many people around me being ‘booed up’ that has secretly crept into my subconscious. Whatever the reason, it has caused me to make some really peculiar choices in men. My choices have been so bad that I’ve finally decided that I really need to be on a timeout and do some reevaluating.

I’ve allowed certain people to have a chapter is my life, when usually those same people wouldn’t even get a sentence. This sudden, surprising behavior takes time from me that could be focused on more important things and things within my control, like myself.

We’ve all heard that you can’t love anyone until you truly love yourself. And while I definitely love me some me, lately my desire for a relationship has allowed me to settle. Devoting more time to the things my life that truly matter that have taken a backseat.

So I’ve decided that an occasional date is okay and even phone calls, but frequent serial dating, or “just having fun” as some would like to say, is not allowed until I’ve taken some precious me time. There is an approach for every woman that may help her get through a self-improvement phase, and this happens to be mine. Maybe it will work, maybe it won’t. But I’m sure that I can at least gain some insight that will help me make better decisions about who I should allow in my life. So for the next few months, no men allowed until I get ‘me’ together.

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