Top Ten List of Sexay Black Nerds, Who Can Get It
Admittedly, it has been a while, so I am feeling a bit frisky. In my mind, I have ran through the list of the normal lot of tall dark, chiseled and handsome – twice – and am quite bored (Yes, even of Idris). So in the interest of the wavering libido, I present to you The Definitive List of Top Ten Sexi Nerds, Who Can Get It. Trademark pending.
A nerd can’t be sexay, you say? Well perhaps you missed the episodes of “Family Matters” when the bumbling nerd next door Steve Urkel flipped the script on the ladies (in particular Laura Winslow) and became Stefan the So Fine. Or perhaps you forgot about that once-Harvard law nerd with a dry-uneven Afro, who transformed into the dapper, Luster Oil spraying, deep wave-rocking president of the free world. Don’t let the pocket protectors and graphic novel collection fool you, nerd lovin’ is good lovin. Yeah, I don’t know what that means but it sounds provocative.
So how do you got about finding one of these sexay nerds? Well the criteria is simple: first be a nerd; yet blessed with great genes; and/or have some major swag about you that makes me want to do you.
Marc Lamont Hill: In the 24-hour news cycle of 20 percent actual news and 80 percent of babbling talking heads, there is no greater visual distraction than Professor, author, activist, talk show host and overall fine nerd tail Dr. Marc Lamont Hill. When he is not giving us some serious political food for thought, or standing up to racist, rapists cops, or co-authoring books with famed political prisoner Mumia Au-Jamal, he is shutting down conservative loudmouth douche bag Bill O’Reilly with the quick one-liners, like this one after Reilly slyly called him a coke dealer. This man is smart, passionate, down for the causes (all of them) and quite frankly, not bad on the eyes neither. Matter of fact I could probably listen to this anthropologist break down to me human development all night long…
Donald Glover: Let’s chalk this one up to an obvious induction to the list. He is basically the poster child of Blerds everywhere. Even he knows the value in his nerd stock and credits President Obama with making it cool for black folks to be nerds. I don’t know what he’s talking about because the nerds I knew in school tended to be the most popular. Now what wasn’t cool was being socially awkward and being socially awkward is not necessarily mutually exclusive to nerddom. But nerd-philosophical differences aside, I like Glover. I think he is pretty cute, really funny and a talented character actor, who had me in stitches as Jason from The Mystery Team. Also, he knows how to spit that hot nerd fire with his alter ego Childish Gambino, ironically a name he got from the Wu-Tang Name Generator, which brings me to my six degrees of nerd separation…
The GZA: Wu-Tang, Motherf**kers! Although hip-hop is mostly known for its thuggery and buggery, there is a fair amount of geekery and nerddom in art form. Busta Rhymes made Dungeon And Dragons cool; Digable Planets was always talking about metaphysics and other sciences we didn’t understand and there was no denying the multilingual (and Japanese numerical accurate) genius of Keith Murphy’s, ichi ni san shi funk figures of speech. However no one else has been more committed to their nerddom more than Gary Grice, aka The GZA. When he is not swinging those liquid swords, he is co-producing a series of science based Hip Hop albums, with fellow top ten sexay nerd Neil De Grasse Tyson, meant to inform the gritty Shaolin-masses about physics and cosmology and life aquatics, son! Don’t think The GZA is physically attractive? Well he can certainly fix that once he breaks out the chemistry kits and cooks you up some romance using his own special formula for SEX.
Ernest Thomas aka Roger “Raj” Thomas from “What’s Happening”: Yes, I know he was a tall, lanky underweight dude with big goofy nerd glasses and an ear-bothering bird cackled laugh. But don’t get it twisted: Raj was smart, funny and a great dancer too. Who doesn’t still do the Roger Thomas dance? And despite his nerddom he was no chump, as demonstrated in the episode where he took on a slumlord with the memorable protest slogan of, No Roger, No Rerun No Rent! Overall, Raj had more swagger than most of the so-called cool kids in his Los Angeles neighborhood. And I’m sure that once you remove the glass, squint a little bit and take a couple of shots of Patron, he will be looking like Elba in no time.
Brother Mouzone from “The Wire”: Brother Mouzone is like the Pizza Hut/Taco Bell combination restaurant of nerddom. A cold-blooded ‘hood hitman with magazine subscriptions to The Atlantic, The Nation and The New Republic. A purveyor of the violence and dangerous drug game but a prolific speaker with a knack for old man wisdom. He is sharply dressed and also a sharp shot. Mouzone reminds us that beneath the nerdy exterior lies the heart of a calculated and vicious killer. And we know how we are about our bad boys? So why not have a bad boy, who is also the nice guy you can bring home to woo your momma – and if she starts trippin’ well he has ways to deal with that too.
Hill Harper: Don’t think for a second this guy is cruising by on his dashingly good, light-skinned looks. Outside of being an accomplished film, television and stage actor, he is also a graduate of Harvard University Law School and was even a classmate of fellow nerdy hottie President Barack Obama. He has not only mastered the books but he also written a few of them too, penning all sorts of heartfelt love letters to the black community. Seriously if this guy doesn’t do it for you, well you might want to check to see if your lady parts are in working order.
Kadeem Harrison aka Dwayne Wayne from “A Different World” : I hate math. Seriously, who needs it? But I love Dwayne Wayne, with his awkwardly, double-glasses, sexay self. And if my train left Boston traveling towards New York at an average speed of 80mph and his train leaves New York at the same time traveling toward Boston at an average speed of 60 mph, you best believe I am getting off my train and on to his train. Told you I hate math.
Neil DeGrasse Tyson: I figure I couldn’t officially call this a nerd’s list without the actual bonafide H.N.I.C (Head Nerd in Charge). Sure he’s rocking that Eddie Munster-widow’s peak like it looks good but something else tells me that this man is packing some major gonads in his pants. Perhaps it has to do with the pretty badass way he manhandled the nerd world by casually – yet matter of factually – declassifying Pluto as a planet. Basically, he just swaggered in front of the science community – like a BAWSE – and told them, ‘Pluto is a dumb rock, now who gon’ check me boo?’ Plus he dances pretty well and you know what they say about the dudes, who got the moves like Jagger?
Taye Diggs: When I posed the question of hot nerds to my Facebook network, one friend requested that I add her favorite theater nerd to the list. And with good reason: remember that socially awkward nerddom I spoke about earlier, well that describes Mr. Sexual Chocolate perfectly. In all honesty, Diggs should really be aware of just how incredibly handsome he is; but according to this interview in Elle Magazine, it took him a while to grow into his looks, saying, “If you saw old pictures of me, you’d see that I didn’t look like I do now. I was wiry-thin. I had the glasses with the tape on the side and no confidence.” Aw poor baby, come rest your nerd head on momma chest and I’ll make everything – wait, he’s married? Damn! Let that be a lesson to us ladies to start snatching those nerds up when they still got the scotch tape on the glasses.
Myron Rolle: A former professional football player, this nerd will never be a household name in the sports world. However, this former college safety from Florida State University, who was drafted by the Tennessee Titans in 2010 – only to leave the NFL all together to attend medical school, pretty much will have his future set. And that’s the kind of forward looking nerd, you need in your life. Oh did I mention that this Rhodes Scholar also plays the saxophone and looks pretty damn good in a bow tie too? Kitten-purr.
So there you have it: my list of the top ten nerds, worthy of my kitty cat. I’m sure there are some names I left off, so leave them in the comment section below.