Black Men Vs. Black Women: Can We Squash The Beef?

May 23, 2013  |  

Yesterday my friend texted me about what I’m sure he thought was a funny story. But after I reading it and analyzing it, I was just pissed off. I’ll share it and you let me know if you have a similar reaction.

The short version of the story is my friend was hanging out with some Israelites who were teaching out in the street. Just as one of the teachers is reading a passage about female modesty, a woman in thin, elastic stretch pants walks by. According to my friend they were some “look at me” pants and her booty was jiggling inside them. But instead of scurrying by, the woman turns around and starts shouting at the people gathered in front of the teacher.

“I’m hot I can’t be wearing all them layers… I ain’t dressing like no one’s grandmama!”

*Sigh of exasperation of our fellows sistahs in the hood struggle.*

After baby girl caused her scene, the Israelite, who I’m assuming is not black, leans over and says “All THIS is why black men only date white women.”

*Hold up…*

But then it gets worse. A black man who’d witnessed the whole scene and heard what the comment the Israelite made says:

“Who you telling?! I can’t even see myself with a black woman.”

It’s funny that when black men reference black women’s attitudes as reason not to date them, my first gut reaction is to exhibit that same type of attitude they’re describing. I really wanted to just laugh at my friend’s anecdote and keep it moving but the black man’s comment disturbed me just as much as the hood chick popping off in the middle of religious instruction.

I asked my friend what did he say to the man? He said he asked him, “No black woman for you at all?” And the man reiterated his point.

“I can’t even see it.”

I responded: “If he can’t picture it, then what could you have said? Both people in that situation sound ignorant honestly.” (If I had thought about it, I would’ve said all three because the Israelite was just as lost.)

Really though, the whole situation worked my nerves. While I would never be out here trying to convince brothas that don’t want to date black women that we’re not all like that, I’m highly perturbed at the way in which black men are so quick to publicly express their distaste for black women.

Where they do that at?

I mean really, have you ever heard another race of people, besides black folk talk so publicly and so stereotypically against women in their own race?

I don’t understand it. And honestly, it’s quite hurtful. When the world is ready to stereotype us and write us off, you would think black men would be able to see past all that. Of course there are black women out here who fit every stereotype in the book but certainly these black men know at least a handful of black women who aren’t like that.

I was telling my friend that black women would rarely speak about black men in the same negative fashion, in the street like that.  Even though we know there are brothas out here who are living foul, we’re not deriding them in the streets, swearing that we would never date them.

For better or worse, black women have been conditioned to support black men. Now, I don’t mean supporting them through all types of abuse and foolishness. I mean, being the encouragement, whether platonic or otherwise, in a country that consistently tries to hold them down.

I said that; but really, after further reflection, writing for MadameNoire for about three years, has shown me that that’s not exactly true. There have been too many times, where black women have proclaimed, maybe out of bitterness, hurt or frustration, they’re going to “get a white man.” To me, that’s equally infuriating.

What is with black folk dismissing an entire race, our own race, when it comes to the dating pool? It’s ignorant. And more importantly, quite sad that we’re gulping the Kool-Aid “Willie Lynch” has been offering us for centuries.

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