Do Men Want A Christian Woman In Theory, Or A Christian Woman in Practice?

41 comments
June 5, 2013 ‐ By Liz Lampkin
Source: Shutterstock

Source: Shutterstock

When a man describes what he wants in a woman, does he really know what he is asking for? When he gives his laundry list of things he desires in his ideal mate does he truly want what he’s asking for? Ladies, when a man says he wants ‘a good Christian’ woman does he really want a Christian woman in theory, or does he want ‘a good Christian’ woman in practice? I ask this question because more often than not when men give a general list of things they desire in a mate, and one trait they say they desire is the trait of a woman being a Christian, or one who attends church, has a relationship with the Lord, a God fearing woman or my personal favorite… a Virtuous Woman. While these are all admirable traits and any man who is a believer in Christ should desire a woman who fears the Lord, I wonder how many of those men really want a woman who does more than profess to be a God fearing woman/Christian, or attend church on Sunday faithfully; and actually lives her life in a manner that honors God. Because believe it or not, there is a difference that many men are aware of but choose not to take heed to. I wonder this because more often than not many men will meet women who live their lives to please and honor God (or at least try their best too) and then they are often questioned about their lifestyle, the men may try to challenge it, it or they are instantly sent into the friend zone.

This leads me to believe that when some men say they desire women who are God fearing/Christian women what they really want are women who simply attend church on Sunday, shout during morning worship, but on Monday they slob them down without a problem! I know this sounds contradicting and even a little harsh, but this is the reality of some Christian and non-Christian men’s thought process when it comes to desiring a Christian woman. They want her attend church on Sunday, but don’t want her to truly live her life according to God’s Holy Word. Why do men do this, or think this way? Simple…men do this and think this way because we as God fearing Christian women allow it. Why do we allow it?  We allow it because our commitment to earthly men is stronger than our commitment to the Man who made us, and we fear being alone. Why do we fear being alone? Because deep down, some of us who profess to be God-fearing, Christian women do not truly live our lives for God as we should, and because we do not live our lives for God as we should, we do not set standards for our relationships and stand by them. If more women would do more than profess Christianity and fear of God and actually lived in that manner, men would have no other choice but to honor a Christian woman’s lifestyle. It may even influence him to do better!

Also, if more women lived in a manner according to God’s Holy Word, we would know that we do not have to fear being alone because the man God has for us is waiting in the wings, but we won’t know who he is or recognize him if we continue to settle for mediocre relationships that don’t honor God, or honor the God-fearing lives that we struggle to live out daily. I know this message is not for everyone, and I know that many of you may be saying or asking, who am I to say this…and the answer to that question is that I am a God-fearing, Christian woman who struggles daily with living my life to honor God, especially within the realms of dating. I know how hard it is. Ladies I extend a challenge to those of you who are God-fearing Christian women who have not established standards in your dating life to do so. Establish standards that uplift the God you serve, and challenge the men you date to really evaluate if they really want a Christian woman in theory or a Christian woman in practice. Not only will this reveal his true intentions with you, but it will save you dating time, honor God in the process and allow you to move forward with your life with or without him.

Ladies, are you a Christian woman in theory, or are you a Christian woman in practice…and not just when it comes to men?

Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.

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  • larry normal

    this is some bull, most red blooded women want an alpha male. a guy that makes them feel safe and isnt a pu$$y, a guy that takes charge and doesnt take her $hit, but at the same time is spontaneous, loving, gentle and knows how to put in work in the sack, sorry to say but the church isnt necessarily churning out that model of man right now.. I dont think it ever has…

  • http://www.collinsegbe.com/ ilovedonmoen

    Awesome message. Christian woman in practice is what i pray daily. I
    believe if we honor God and offer our bodies as a living sacrifice, holy
    and pleasing to the father, and do not live according to the patterns
    of this World, according to Romans 12:1-2, He will give us the desires
    of our heart.

  • QuiQui

    This is one of the best articles I’ve EVER read on here. I completely agree with what the author is conveying and love her challenge. I always have these kinds of talks with my best friend. Gotta walk your talk.

  • deaconyao

    Are you talking dating or marriage? If you’re saying there’s something wrong with a married Christian woman slobbing down her husband, you got it all wrong, Sis. Just one Christian man married to a Christian woman’s opinion.

  • RastaFairyAnn

    Does the Bible even talk about what a good husband is? Maybe the Lost Books? humph.

    • Is It 5:00 Yet?

      Yes. Read Ephesians 5:28,29 and 1 Pet 3:7. That’s just to name a few.

  • Dragon Senait

    Well are you perfect? The greatest Saints were often the biggest sinners. Anyone can change with Christ. At the end of the day, nobody is perfect and we all have issues. It seems like you people are always putting down people who choose to try and live righteously. Do all the drugs and have all the orgies you want. Just don’t invite me into your mess.

  • Dragon Senait

    No they don’t want Christian women because most men these days are spiritually corrupt and dead anyway. They’re not about this life but I am. Because it is what works for me. I like peace and structure. A lot of men these days like chaos and drama.

  • me

    Sounds like a few of my aunts – and that sort of thing is why I am leery of the “Praise the Lord saints” variety of Christians. The best Christians I know are those who live their lives with a kind heart and try to do right by people. I think that’s the mark of a real Christian.

  • laaaaaaa

    I have to agree with you. This is for so-called devoted Christian women and men who need to realize that its not about attending church every Sunday, shouting the loudest, professing Scriptures or anything like that, but more about having the spirit inside of you and serving God from your heart, knowing that he sees you at ALL times (not just in church). Being a true reflection of Christ, which includes being humble, showing love to those that hurt you, etc. THAT is very hard to find and unfortunately it’s NOT in the “church” as it should.

  • John Taylor

    I think this question is painfully shortsighted on its face. Because equally important—if this is going to be a genuine conversation about male-female relationships—is a discussion of an often-espoused yet rarely, if ever, practiced dating cliche among women. Namely, “All I want is a good man.”

    Given the dating habits of many women—Christian or not—that doesn’t seem to be the case. It’s important that you be everything you yourself want in a partner. So it’s more than a little disingenuous to say that you desire a Christian man who appreciates the Christian values that you bring to the table when your personal dating history tells an entirely different story.

    • Dragon Senait

      True. Most men who say that really aren’t committed to that life at all. They have no idea what they are talking about and no idea how to deal with such a woman. Worldly women are what they want. Sometimes Christian women want to be more like these worldly women. But for me personally, this is who I really am and it’ s who I ‘m meant to be. And If i’m not worldly enough..then oh well. I”m just passing through this Earth anyway.

  • Candacey Doris

    Men who act like a Christian in their daily life want a woman who does the same. There are a lot of hypocrites out there, men and women who swear up and down that they are the most god fearing because they go to church but have a different bed partner every night of the week and would just as soon spit on a person in need as help them.

  • sabrina

    I’m a Christian woman in practice, and no man best not try to make me change that. I’ve come too far. But I do believe wholeheartedly that it won’t hinder me from getting into a loving and long-lasting relationship in the long run. There are plenty people around me, whether in my church or Christian couples across the country, that were all Christians in practice and God brought them together. And there are plenty men around me who truly love the Lord and walk by faith and in accordance to Scripture. One day, I’m sure we’ll end up crossing paths.

    However, only 6% of Americans are true consecrated Christians…so that says something as well.

  • me

    These things just have to be discussed up front. For example, I have a relative who is saving herself for marriage because she was taught that if she did God would send her a suitable partner. That’s fine … but typically when she tells guys this they head in the other direction. They just aren’t trying to hear that. So sadly, at 30 she’s never really had a relationship that lasted beyond a few months of dating because the average young man – even a “God fearing one” – is not trying to enter a sexless relationship. Not these days. Right or wrong that’s the world we live in. Even her own parents have told her she may have to rethink that if she wants to find a partner, as you don’t have to screw EVERY man you date. As I get older and meet more of these “Christians in practice” I find their expectations are just out of control and unrealistic. Have your standards, but understand that you are shaving your pool of potential partners down to nothing. So from my POV men who say they want a Christian partner mean that loosely, because most Christians you encounter are of the theoretical breed.

    • Kevin Lewis II

      Be nice to find a woman like your relative, I’m 24 going on 25 and am still a virgin, while most men my age have been having sex for years. I chose abstinence and I pray to remain that way until I get married.

      • TheKingdomDiva

        That’s a sad situation, my heart goes out to her as I am in sort of the same situation. I have resolved only to date men who I know are genuine, devoted Christians who adhere to the scriptural conduct of a Godly relationship. This way there is less chance of disappointment and false hopes. Having said that, you can’t always know the genuine ones from the part time ones (as some people are VERY good at putting their best foot forward then doing a complete 180 later on) so its important to observe before investing yourself in any relationship. All the best to her! And all the best to you Kevin!

        • Dragon Senait

          I”m celibate, because in my age group, I don’t think such a man exists. So many men out here are literally full of demonic spirits. A woman trying to live holy can really get hurt by these demonic men who are spiritually dead. They will literally try and break your faith, and even try and bring their sinful practices into your life. It’s not worth it to find yourself living in chaos.

      • me

        It saddens because she’s good people. So pretty, so much fun, so open-minded. Accepting of all people. She is pretty much everything you could ask for. It is just that one thing that’s a barrier for her. She said she has tried dating men in the church, but they are not much better than the ones you meet anywhere else. So I am not sure what the future holds for her. I just hate that she’s alone. She’s too good a person for that.

      • Dragon Senait

        Well that’s a commendable thing. A lot of people in this world would be better off if they did wait. Sex before marriage is nothing but a lot of drama and negative soul ties being brought into your surroundings. Giving it up to somebody doesn’t mean they will love you, marry you, or even treat you any better so you might as well save your body from germs and soul ties. When you do meet that special lady, you’ll know it’s love because the physical will be the final reward.

  • Megan

    Okay we all get that both men and women do it. Jeez. It always seems like a blame fight. Men this women that. Can we just solve the problem without being childish and petty saying “ooo! oo! but women do it too!” she already addressed the fact that women allow it. I think we need to solve this on a more spiritual level. People need to sort out their priorities and realize that they must ALWAYS put God first. Both men AND women.

    • http://www.collinsegbe.com/ ilovedonmoen

      Agree

  • kaf

    I love this!

  • Pingback: Men: Do you want a Christian woman in theory, or practice? | theGrio

  • Layla1738

    “We allow it because our commitment to earthly men is stronger than our commitment to the Man who made us, and we fear being alone.”
    Boom. That’s it.
    You better preach! Let the church say Amen.
    “Why do we fear being alone? Because deep down, some of us who profess to be God-fearing, Christian women do not truly live our lives for God as we should, and because we do not live our lives for God as we should, we do not set standards for our relationships and stand by them. If more women would do more than profess Christianity and fear of God and actually lived in that manner, men would have no other choice but to honor a Christian woman’s lifestyle. It may even influence him to do better!”

  • footeus

    I couldn’t even read the article all the way through cuz it’s so one sided……Women say they want a Godly man as well but want the same benefits. It’s not a sex (women vs men) thing. This whole discussion is about how individuals see their personal relationship with Christ. I’ve been turned down by plenty of “church girls” that found out that I wasn’t having sex, saw no need for us to waste any time. So I feel what you saying but women are not the only one that go through this. Thanks

  • footeus

    I couldn’t even read the article all the way through cuz it’s so one sided……Women say they want a Godly man as well but want the same benefits. It’s not a sex (women vs men) thing. This whole discussion is about how individuals see their personal relationship with Christ. I’ve been turned down by plenty of “church girls” that found out that I wasn’t having sex, saw no need for us to waste any time. So I feel what you saying but women are not the only one that go through this. Thanks

    • Gigi

      I appreciate your perspective. However, the article is one-sided because if one could actually get the true numbers of women truly practicing Christianity versus men truly practicing Christianity, the final count would be greatly unbalanced. However, the writer should have pointed out that this issue affects men christian men as well.

      • Genia

        I your response Gigi!! well said ditto!

        • Genia

          correction: I like your response.

    • http://www.collinsegbe.com/ ilovedonmoen

      Very true. I absolutely agree with you

  • Child_Puhleez

    Faith must be discussed up-front, as not to be unequally-yoked. But this gives the enemy time to play a role ’til the mask comes off, then they’ll move onto someone else who WILL give them play.

    You really will know a tree by its fruit.

  • KeepIt100

    Yes, but men aren’t the only people who think this way. Some women are guilty of it as well.

    • Staying Single Ain’t So Bad

      I had heard about this in my christian college. Some guys were feeling pressure from their girlfriends to have sex and they wanted to remain pure until college.

      I wonder though if for women it is that they have this desire for someone to love them more than God, to find them more attractive than the man’s will can stand because that would prove the guys love or something in the same vein.

      Then, I think there are some females who find out they dont think a guy is manly enough if they don’t show some kind of sexual desire towards their partner. I know for a fact that some men, in order to stay “pure,” have tried to shut off that part of their brain. So, in the end females may feel their partner’s masculinity is lacking, when really, they are subduing a part of their nature as respect towards God and the female.

      For me there is something inherently unattractive in a man who has no self control. if someone cant control themselves around me, I am more likely to think they may have a problem, not think they have all this extra unbearable, bad romance novel-like undying love for me that beats the sun, moon and stars. Instead I think that if a person love some, they can endure. But in the end, I may not choose the very devout christian guy. If that is the case, it is because I have chosen none. I don’t particularly want to get married because it would mean losing my freedom. The point of dating is erased and I have no need for potentially setting myself up to be trapped.

      • Staying Single Ain’t So Bad

        I just want to say, though it wasn’t obvious at the start of my previous post, that I am talking about specific types of women. However, I in no way think my analysis captures all women who make these decisions to walk away from devout men–sometimes it is as simple as a female not meshing well with a male because their interests vary too greatly. Many wont settle just for someone who only fits the bill spiritual wise.

  • Jj2

    No one wants someone whose actions do not line up with their confession. Men and women who date outside of their faith run the risk of compromise. Either you follow them or they follow you, someone has to change if it will last. Problem is when that change shakes you faith.

  • pickneychile

    Interesting article. Most men who say this probably just want it in theory.

  • SC2DC

    I have dated christian women and I must say that it is a huge difference from the main stream. It didn’t work for me. I totally agree with the first posting it works much better when you date someone that shares the same beliefs as you do because you don’t understand how/why they operate the way they do and vice/versa

    • Gigi

      Thank you for your enlightened response and not degrading the women that frequent this sight.

  • http://www.facebook.com/courtney.banks.37 Courtney Banks

    The only people who want christian women are christian men.

    • http://goo.gl/uiHaH Manolo

      This is 100% right; why would a secular man want to deal with an overly-judgmental (irony I know) mate whose answer to every problem is praying to her deity?