Straight From His Mouth: Should Men Without Kids Avoid Dating Single Mothers?

May 13, 2013  |  

Source: Shutterstock

After sharing a guest-post on step-parenting from the step-child’s point of view, one commenter asked an interesting question: “Should a man with no kids be hesitant to date a woman with kids?” First, whether a man has children of his own or not, there is nothing wrong with preferring to date women without children. We are all free to make up whatever dating preferences we want. They are called personal preferences for a reason and we don’t need the approval of anyone else when it comes to what we like. However, there are a few things childless men should keep in mind when deciding whether they are ready to date a woman with a child, or children. Women, would you agree on the following?

Figure out if you like or want kids BEFORE dating a woman with children.

When you are single and looking to mingle, you generally will not hurt anyone if you start dating “just to see where things go.” Plenty of men do this all the time. But when deciding to date a woman with a child, you should be clear about your expectations for the relationship upfront with yourself and her. In other words, if you’re still in the “dating just to date” phase of your life, involving a woman with a child is probably not the type of relationship you should engage in because your actions will more than likely impact the lives of two people — the woman and the child. While the age of the child plays a factor, if you’re not looking for anything serious, you shouldn’t play the “I’ll figure it out” game with a ready-made family.

Further, if you’re not a kid person or don’t want kids, you should not date a woman with kids to see if you’ll change your mind. This is not a video game that you can turn off when you decide you do not like how the game is playing out. That is a personal decision you should figure out long before you involve a woman and her child in your life. Save the games for the rest of the single people in the world who do not have the responsibility of looking out for the emotional well-being of themselves and their child.

Do you want kids of your own?

I’m always surprised at how few people discuss this topic upfront. Some women with children do not want any more kids, and this is an awkward conversation to have after you have already exchanged “I love yous” or “I dos.” If you want one or two kids and she already has one or two kids, this is a conversation you should have sooner rather than later. In addition, if you do not want any (biological) kids of your own, do not assume that just because she has one or more child from a previous relationship that she does not want anymore with you.

You are not in first place.

As a continuation of the above point, one of the hardest changes for many single men who decide to date a woman with a child is realizing they are not in first place. In general, the needs of the children come first. This is a hard adjustment for many men to make because when you’re single and don’t have any kids, you can be as selfish as you want. People with children are used to (hopefully) putting the needs of their children before their own. I have friends who have gotten upset because a woman they are dating has to drop everything for their child. This makes not one iota of sense. A woman should not be placed in a position to choose between the child she loves and the man she likes. If you don’t understand that, then you aren’t ready for this type of relationship and it is best if you do not bother wasting her time or yours.

How is the relationship with her baby’s father?

I’ve written on whether you need the baby’s father approval before  — and for the record, no you do not. But while the relationship with the father of the woman’s child should not dictate your relationship, their relationship –- whether good or bad –- will play a role in your lives. It’s important to know what you are getting yourself into. Before your relationship gets serious, you should know what role, if any, the baby’s father has in the child’s life, and what type of relationship the two parents have with one another. Contrary to popular belief — and Lifetime movies — not every woman with a child is looking for a second parent if the biological parent is actively involved in the child’s life and doing a good, low-drama job of co-parenting. An honest conversation about this should minimize the chances of you making a surprise cameo on a VH1 reality show.

What do you think? Should a man without kids hesitate to date a woman with kids?  If you are a step parent or single mother, what advice would you offer a man to know if he is ready to date a woman with kids from a previous relationship?

WisdomIsMisery, aka WIM, uses his background as an internal auditor to provide objective, yet opinionated, qualitative and quantitative analysis on life, love, and everything in between. WIM is not a model, a model citizen, or a role model. See more of WIM on his weekly write-ups for SBM, on Twitter @WisdomIsMisery, and Instagram: WisdomIsMisery.

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  • guest

    I have one child I am a single mother I am not on food stamps and any government assist, and I do not receive child support I am a nurse the father does not help with nothing however because I am a single mom, men look at me like they look at any other single mom. We all just looked at as if we are worthless. But that’s fine, life goes on view me is worthless that means you missed out on a good person. Some will say well if you are a good person why are you left alone with a child? He’s 14 now, I am 32 so I had him at 19 very young. I was pregnant and so was 2 other women I decided to leave and they decided to stay with him. But I guess that makes me not good enough because I am a single mom.

  • Kaycee

    Super late on this thread but can’t help but comment on this Neverending controversy. It’s perfectly ok not to want to deal with baggage, but choose wisely on what you will deal with in relationships. Lots of beautiful single women with no kids who are highly dysfunctional for other reasons. Don’t want to deal with expensive kids but you will deal with a drug habit? Or leaching family? Or mental health issues? Everyone brings their own set of drama and you have to be wise in what you want to spend your life handling.
    These days though women have become so independent that a good number of single moms are well paid and educated and CHOOSE to be single. That’s a very different lifestyle than a woman chasing behind some rogue fool with no good sense getting pregnant repeatedly.

    • DarthW

      Honestly, while there are a number of seemingly “independent” women out there, a large majority of them are only independent until they get serious with a guy. Then she will soon “lose” her job (never to be found again), start squeezing out the kiddos then deny her man sex, put his needs perpetually on the back burner while expecting her needs to be met endlessly. Eventually, 70% of the time if she is uneducated and up to 90% of the time if she is educated she will become “dissatisfied” with him and initiate a surprise divorce on him, take all his assets, leave him ruined, and often become the very single mom out on the prowl mentioned in the thread.

  • Kaycee

    Lmao!! I find this to be too true. Men will do anything to get with a hot young woman and women in their 20s are gullible. Which is why we now see so many beautiful, educated single moms. Majority of the women I work with have more degrees and make more money than their partner, married or single. 60 years ago men were shamed by the community if they weren’t breadwinners. But now it’s all too easy to be a loser and get a hot girl thus the single mom phenomena.
    But I do meet unattractive women in their 30s/40s everyday who have never been married with no kids but have great jobs. Which would a man prefer? Hot woman wins everytime

    • DarthW

      Most single mothers are single mothers because she chose to get with a lower earner or deadbeat bad boy and have kids with him in the first place. It is easier to be a loser and get an attractive women because a lot of women are drawn to worthless losers….until she gets sick of him after she’s had a couple of his kids, then she comes looking for we successful guys and wants us to be the breadwinner and pay she and her brood’s bills. No thanks.

  • I’m 44 and never married and it’s very doubtful I would date any woman with kids even casually. No matter what, I’d never marry a single mom. Whether it’s because they got knocked up, divorced or widowed, I’m not really looking to have kids and I sure as hell don’t want to sacrifice my life for some other guy’s kids. People, usually women my age, always say “Well, at your age, you don’t have much choice.” Yes I do. There’s plenty of women in their late teens and twenties. Of course, they laugh until they see you dating a girl in their 20s, then I’m a cradle robber and a pervert because I won’t flush my life down the toilet to play Captian Save-A-Ho to fat old broads with kids.

    • Joseph

      LMFAO. So true!

  • Myra Esoteric

    That’s B.S. I want to adopt a kid between 12 and 16 years old so I can teach them to play guitar. Does that mean that if my fiance croaks, I can’t date because I have an intern? What silliness

  • moi

    Single mothers, also, ask yourself if it is really worth it to be with some guy that has never had children before. THEY are a great risk for you as well. If a guy is in their 30’s or 40’s and has never been married, why not ask WHAT’s UP WITH THIS DUDE? Does he have a problem with commitment? Does he have a lifestyle that’s all about himself? Does have some serious personality problems or addictions? Has he had bad experiences that make him just dislike women in general? If you are a good woman, you already have your hands full with making ends meet and raising kids. Loving relationships can help a lot, but the wrong relationship, or even the initial years of an eventually good relationship, take a huge time and energy commitment. Is this really the best time to give any more of yourself to someone else who perhaps doesn’t even get what it’s like to be fully responsible for another person, or maybe even never had any serious hardships that they’ve had to grow through? Get more friends, become fabulous physically and secure financially and figure out other ways to become self-sufficient (live with friends or family, work on your career or home), even date just for fun (and intimacy if that’s ok with you, but be wary of guys and not desperate – you can make your life even harder really easily). Once you are happy and your kids are grown, you’ll have a great relationship with your kids and will be in a better place to have a committed relationship if it hasn’t happened yet. It’s totally fine if guys know they don’t want to date a single mom.

    • DarthW

      LMAO. The problem is moi, that single mommies seek after we guys without kids because you all want our wallets to pay your bills.

      And a guy should ask himself these things when he meets up with a single mom:

      – What’s up with this woman? Why is she not with the father of her children?

      – Does single mommy have a problem with commitment? After all she had kids with a guy (or guys) and she isn’t with him at all. Having kids with a man is big deal to have simply left him. After all, wives initiate divorce between 70 and 90% of the time in Western society, so it’s highly likely that single mommy was the one who initiated the end of the relationship, even with kids involved.

      – Does single mommy have a lifestyle that is all about herself (likely the answer is ‘yes, she does’)? After all she has kids by another man(men), and likely left their father (naturally bilking him out of alimony and child support as she left him). Now she’s out and about town looking for another guy who is simply supposed to accept dealing with her ex, her kids by other men, pay her bills, give up his time all for her and her kids needs, and the new guy is supposed to be endlessly patient, generous, and kind adjusting to her and her kids lifestyle, paying for it, and getting absolutely nothing in return as he will be last priority.

      – Does she have some serious personality problems or addictions? After all she left the father of her kids. Did the father of her kids divorce her (in the fewer cases where the husband actually initiates the divorce compared to the 70 to 90% of wives who initiate the divorce), and did he do so because she’s an addict? A cheater? A lazy deadbeat? Does single mommy not have any common sense, so she picked a POS, deadbeat bad boy and had kids with him, and now expect me to take on that mess?

      And in spite of what you believe, guys without kids do understand what it is like to be “fully responsible for another person” and the “hardships” that go with that. We just wisely chose not to make the foolish choices single mothers make when they have kids with men who are bad boy deadbeats, or with whom single mommy isn’t going to stay with because she has ridiculous expectations created by a lifetime of Barbie dolls, Disney movies, and Nicholas Sparks books.

      The part we do agree on is that “It’s totally fine if guys know they don’t want to date a single mom” However, guys not choosing to date single moms is most often based on the reality that we have seen how we guys will get shorted, disrespected, taken advantage of, and likely eventually abandoned by single mommy if we enter into a serious relationship with her. Don’t insult our smarts by assuming we are kids when we are the wisest men on Earth.

  • Anonymous

    Short answer: YES

  • Black Gold

    Well of course every situation will be different so I wouldn’t say run but definitely keep your eyes and ears wide open, and I mean wide open….. Read one comment from DarthW about the Xanax and difficult kids and I had to laugh because I just got out of a situation kinda like that…. I was 37 and she was 35 when we got together…. She had two kids, two different fathers, never married although she was engaged to the second child’s father… The fathers were in their lives and they were both actually decent (no deadbeats) although their seem to be alot of hate between her and the second child’s father…. She would even say things around the kid which I found wasn’t cool….. She was a good person but It was hard being without kids now being in a ready made situation like overnight…. We got engaged after a year and six months of dating and moved in together… The oldest (son) which was 12 lived with his father and stepmom (which was understandable, was at that age where he needed to learn about being a man, moved with the father at 11) and the younger (daughter) 6 lived with the us…. The son was a very well mannered young man but lord the little girl was a handful….. Disrespectful at times, alot with the mother and sort of ruled the house….. It was hard for me and the mother to have a conversation….. To be honest it was better when we were dating and living apart….. Never knew until I moved in her apartment (I know bad move but me and my brother shared a family house and me and her were in process of buying a house before the wedding because of her finances it would hurt once we were married… told my bro keep my spot open in case this crashes) she was on all these depression meds… Which explains some situations.. Everything was ok for a few months but started to get strained a bit then came home one day and she leaves a letter saying I wasn’t adjusting to being a family…… My party days were over years ago, I was home everyday straight from work, would joke and play around with the kid everyday even when I didn’t want to, we were prisoner to Disney channel 24-7 sucked but I dealt with it and the only time I would leave was Sunday afternoons to head over to my brothers house to watch the football game then was back home for 5, sometimes 6pm….Oh yeah and the little girl pretty much slept in our bed everynight…. Rough….. I always believed she just wanted to say she was married and I had to just had to a step-father overnight….. While most parents learn, I guess I had to go straight to graduation even without the test…..

    • DarthW

      Ugh, Black Gold. Single mommy sounds like a real mess. Been there, done that. You sound like you have some common sense, were trying to be understanding and respectful of the kiddos needs, and willing to work with single mommy on stuff. BUT with most single mommies no good deed goes unpunished, as all we decent guys learn. And your single mommy had likely done the same thing to the fathers of her children that she did to you.

      If she was pressuring about marriage, likely she just wanted you to sign on the dotted line so she could take your assets when she left, and not just simply leave you a letter. She’s probably looking for that poor schlub “nice guy” she can sucker into marriage to get her alimony retirement plan in order before she hits the wall in her 40s.

      I love how single moms accuse we childless guys of being the ones who won’t adjust “to being a family” when it all hits the fan, as if single mommy knows all there is to know about how a family should work, and you most certainly couldn’t understand how families work because, after all, you’re without kids. LMAO. It’s the same illogic that single moms use when I tell them “I don’t want to be in a relationship with you, because I don’t want to pay your bills and deal with your kids by another man anymore”, and single mommy’s assume that I most certainly must be a “manchild” because I don’t want to “grow up” and deal with the mess she made in her own life. Single mommy ignores the fact that we decent guys are employed, maintain our own households, have retirement plans, own vehicles, etc. – all things that mature adults do, and also assets that single mommy wants to get her claws which is why she dates us – but the minute we say “Nah” to dealing with what she’s bringing into our childless lives where SHE doesn’t have to deal with that mess from our end, then we guys must surely be a “manchild”. No logical sense at all.

      Glad you got out of that mess. It was going to be a disaster for your life. If you aren’t already, I assure you in time you will be thinking “That was the best decision I ever made!”

      • VetteMan

        Being a bachelor is not making the same mistake once.

        • DarthW

          LOL. Yes, indeed! That’s great wisdom.

          • VetteMan

            I have been reading your comments for a while. I am 26 and swallowed the red pill last year. I admire how you expose modern women. Especially single moms on their dumb irresponsible choices. I have a growing car collection and the last thing I want is to chain myself to a woman who can legally steal everything I own and label me “materialistic” if I complain about it.

          • VetteMan

            A married friend of mine saw my cars. He said, “I had to ask the boss (wife) to be able to buy a V6 Camaro”. I told them that since I am single, I may as well enjoy myself. His wife said “you will never get a woman with that attitude” to which I replied “Ok, now tell me how that’s bad”

            • DarthW

              LMAO. That’s great. That is so much like my interactions with wives of (unhappily) married guys I know.

              I worked with one married guy who told me he was jealous of me because his wife won’t let him buy anything without her “approval”. Mind you his wife stays at home and doesn’t earn the paycheck. I told him, “Yeah, it’s great. You should be jealous.”

              I watch one buddy quietly sit there when his wife nags and rags on him. When I ask him if he’s going to tell her off, he says “No.” Further, he’s told me “Everyday I wake up knowing that at any moment she could decide to leave, and take everything I own with her.” Sounds like marital bliss.

              Another guy I work with has a stay at home wife. They married really young and his kids are all now out of the house even though they are both only in their mid 40s. His wife is a fat, schlub. Won’t work. Yet she seems to insist on two cruises a year to the tropics, which this guy pays for although they are deep in debt. He asked me the other day if I was in a relationship. I told him “Hell no. I’m not getting suckered into paying some woman’s bills. If you see me with someone don’t get too attached because she won’t be around long. She can f**k me and then go home and pay her own bills.” His jaw dropped. This simp told another single guy I know that he and his wife were “living a more 1950s era traditional marriage”. That’s one of those where he works and pays the bills, and she sits on her fat rump at home doing nothing. This dude brings “cup a soup” for lunch, and I’ve asking him “Man, you’re married and your wife is at home. Doesn’t she make you lunch.” ….Of course, she doesn’t, it would cut into her TV time all day.

              One divorced guy I know, his wife was sleeping around on him all the time…this a woman who barely worked, low stress job. At least he divorced her and didn’t come out too bad, luckily. So, now she marries a poor idiot ten years younger than her AND she -not the new guy – has 5 kids (three from my buddy and two from some other guy). The new hubby gets his TV and Playstation broke by her because he’s not “helping enough around the house with the kids that are left at home. Sucker!!

              So, as you get older, remember these types of stories whenever you feel the pangs of romance. It will make those pangs dry up fast!!

              • VetteMan

                Did that last divorced guy lose half? Many women call me a baby for keeping my stuff to myself-even though they sure wouldn’t hesitate to take it from me in a divorce. That they initiate 70% of the time.

                • DarthW

                  I’d say about half, although he says he got out fairly well. He ended up taking on the family debt, and she got out debt free basically.

                  Oh yes, yes, the “manchild” argument. Women insist that we men who don’t want to be entrapped in a marriage to them (and often their kids by another man) simply must be “immature man children”. Of course, the women ignore when such a man owns his home, pays his bills, owns his truck, has a sizable 401K and IRA, has a full-time job and a contract job because THOSE characteristics apparently don’t indicate a man is an adult UNLESS he is willing to let her get her hooks into him (and his wallet). We men most certainly must only be able to be men if we let a woman entrap us. Hogwash, of course.

        • Michel

          And being a “childless” bachelorette is also not making the same mistake(s) once.

  • DarthW

    You made your choice to get with a POS and not make sure you had reliable birth control. YOU believed his lies, and I bet there was already tons of evidence around him that he would be a deadbeat POS YET you STILL failed to use adequate birth control. YOU had sex, sure, like millions of people do, and millions DON’T GET PREGGO because they are wise enough to use birth control. This guy is a POS indeed but YOU, yes YOU, made choice after choice that put you in this position. And no childless guy with money, time, a good job, a 401K etc. should be expected to step in and take that on and help you. YOU should have thought ahead and made better decisions.

    And I suspect your view is that we responsible, hard working guys are “selfish” like that obviously selfish POS who you got yourself into this mess with simply because now we don’t want to deal with your baggage? Nope, I was a generous, kind, chivalric, man willing to share the things I made….Then, a few relationships with single moms woke me up to how you single moms are the most selfish, self-serving beings on the Earth. You bring nothing of value to a relationship, expect to be treated like a princess and not held accountable for your rotten choices, expect a guy to pay for you and your brood without question (or we’re considered “selfish”) when there is absolutely nothing in return for we guys. We hard working, responsible guys are only selfish because we know single moms invented selfishness.

    • BJ

      Maybe it’s my religious background, old fashioned sense or just a part of nature but raising other people’s children has never felt natural to me. The only exception would be if I was happily married with a woman and we decided we wanted to adopt children. Every child deserves a chance at a good home. Other than that, when it comes to single mothers, it has never felt right. I once heard the expression “dating a single mom is like playing on someone else’s saved game”. Although it may sound offensive, it feels like that statement has truth to it.

      Ideally, more people in our culture and society would remained unmarried and/or celibate. However, marriage is obviously a blessing if you choose the right spouse and marry for the right reasons. Most of the arguments against marriage are seemingly coming from people with horror story experiences because of choosing the wrong spouse. I’m a 27, single, childless guy and am in no hurry to get married but if I find a woman who is feminine, wants a family some day, has morals and a good head on her shoulder, cute, funny etc…that I fall for…then I won’t hesitate to marry her.

      My personal choices are single, childless women. Single mothers and divorced women don’t interest me personally. The problem is that I am finding fewer and fewer women who are single and childless.

      • mizz new money 2u

        Right on

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  • Jody Johnsen

    Why aren’t we asking the women with a child if they will date men without a child. I was a single (widowed) parent. (He grew up.) To this day I only date men with children. I learned a lot from those early years but the big one was this; Men learn to be men from their children. I’ve made the occasional exception and regretted it. Men with children acquire a connection to themselves and the world around them that childless men do not posses.

    • DarthW

      Dear gawd that’s laughable. So if a man didn’t raise kids that his wife used as a weapon against him when she initiated a divorce from him (as wives do nearly 90% of the time taking everything he owns in the process), then he lacks some mythical “connection” to the world that is ultimately some ridiculous “feeling” that you have and not based in reality at all? Is that what you’re saying? Because that’s how I, and any man or woman with good sense and wisdom is reading it.

  • raisin

    As a single mother over 40, with 2 children from the same man, I’m offended by anyone suggesting I or any other single mother didn’t know how to keep a relationship together.
    Now, I must say, I do not have a good relationship with my ex, but he is in my childrens’ lives and I can not even imagine expecting someone to take his place. Then again, if my children are misbehaving, I find it completely normal for an adult around them to try to discipline in some manner and be completely respected. I will certainly intervene, but under no circumstances re my children allowed to disrespect anyone. I would be ashamed to have some random guy suppoting my kids too. Offering to pay for an occasional movie or ice cream is fine because I would do that too.
    That being said, I prefer to date single fathers because I find them to be more mature and understanding when it comes to certain sacrifices. Honestly speaking, I must say, at my age, any man over 40 who hasn’t had children is not even that attractive to me. I always kind of wonder why… I guess thats my prejudice!

    • DarthW

      No need to wonder raisin…..Most guys over 40 who don’t have kids were wise enough not to allow themselves to get trapped into marriage and kids by a woman who would be one of the 90% of wives who initiate divorce then take everything a man owns. We childless men over 40 are the wisest, happiest, wealthiest men on Earth.

      • w16521

        You are one very angry bitter person, aren’t you?

        • DarthW

          Nope. I’m a realist, and much happier knowing the true score rather than chasing after fantasies and unicorns.

  • Rob Nemere

    Only loosers would take on the task of caring for another mans mistake

    • mizz new money 2u


  • I had this one single father I was talking to who was about 30 or so. I wasn’t feeling him when he said he was still living with his wife whom he was divorcing, had 4 kids with. I’m like no. So I told him kids are a turn off and no matter how many times I said that he let that float in one ear and out the other. So he wanted to hang out with me one day. Once he realized I have a house he was quick and ready to move in with me and how we can put OUR NAMES on all of OUR STUFF (my stuff) like the house, my car, and how the KIDS will love OUR BIG BACKYARD.

    I’m like no dude I’m not. So he told me how dare I. I have no choice because I have to learn to accept and expect that men have kids and being that I’m 27 I’m not getting any younger so the possibility of finding a single man with no kids or “exes” is highly unlikely. I’m like you know what you’re right. I do accept and expect that men have kids, but it doesn’t mean I have to put up with the bullshit either. I refuse to be in that bullshit and drama. Regardless how many times I said no he still was DAMNED and determined to force me into a relationship. I’m like I’m not interested in a relationship, what he was bringing to the table was something I knew I couldn’t swallow nor was I gonna be force fed either. Believe it or not he was a white guy. So it’s not about race or specific environment. It can be anybody.

    People need to consider these things when they’re having fun. Children are a result of sex and if you don’t wanna be that single mom you need to control your needs and use as many condoms as possible. Sex is fine but wrap it up. Just like you don’t want to pay some else’s debts or bills, someone doesn’t want to take care of your kids

    • DarthW

      Ha! He was still living with is “ex” (probably still bangin’ her) and wanting to move into your house because he has no money (His “ex is probably working the same angle with guys she’s trying to date.)
      It’s so interesting that single parents think you should have no choice but to accept their pile of mess they created in a relationship as if you have no other options. You always have at least one other choice which is to do your own thing without parent and kiddos – which is always the right choice. SIngle parents make a mess, and expect those of us who built things on our own to simply be OK with letting they and their brood come and take it at will. What I love is that when I tell them “No thanks, and leave” they want to tell me “I thought you were man enough to take all this on.” as if I’m somehow the weaker, selfish one because I’m not “generous” and “kind” enough to deal with their garbage; single parents are the selfish, weak ones with no willpower, no money, no house, no car, no retirement, no savings, etc.
      At 27 you can still find plenty of men without kids and exes to deal with, and I’m in my mid-40s, never married, and completely fine with never having married (which is a farce anyway with all the divorce these days) and raising someone elses kids, even if that means I never had kids. At least if you aren’t paying for another parent’s kids all the things you have are yours. And I’m having the time of my life without dealing with the crap.
      Race certainly has nothing to do with it as there are worthless single parents abound of all races.
      I think all guys should get vasectomies so women, especially single moms, can’t trick them into kids (“No need for a condom baby, I want to feel you.” “I’m allergic to latex.” “Sure, I’m on birth control (I just forget to take my pills.” “Oops!”.) Single moms often want to entrap a guy and his wallet by squeezin’ out another kid.

  • falcngnzx2

    Single men have 2 choices.

    1) Marry the single mothers, pay for them and some other dude’s kids, and get sex a few times a year


    2) Don’t marry the single mothers, pay for them and some other dude’s kids via taxes for welfare, and don’t get any sex for your trouble.

    I am still staying with choice #2.


    • DarthW

      Me too falcngnzx2, except I do get sex, just no trouble. 🙂

  • Miss.S

    Its more of a personal choice because I wouldn’t date anyone with children unless they are over 35 but, under that then no. I agree with the ones that state those whom have multiple children by different partners need to run because they are not the right person for you.

  • sabrina

    Please people stop giving bad advice to people…
    the poor single moms as u say may be in debt, difficult kids, or even on pills.. because of JERK SELFISH men! The poor single moms
    are struggling to pay off debts, and take care of THE JERK MENS kids
    because the dumb fathers does not pay for the debts, and help raising
    his kids, and did not stay and man up to take care of the children as
    they were suppose to and the poor mother has to end up doing the job…
    and then no one NO JERK men wants to marry her because of the kids that
    he left behind..and because MOTHER was caring and took on all the
    troubles to raise the kids because the men didnt want to..she gets all
    the stress and now on top of it has to deal with all this nonsense of
    jerk men out there saying dont marry her dont date her… WHY!
    they are 100% better caring in every way..and a much better HUMAN BEING then you…

    • DarthW

      Single moms got themselves into the mess. They picked the rotten guy. They picked to have children with him. Often, they may have had an “oopsy” first kiddo with their ex, but if he was so bad, why do single moms have the 2nd, 3rd, etc.? Because they use poor judgment, and that is the fault of single mommy, not me, not other childless men and women.

  • Deon

    @BittaBlackDude….WOW…SMH… YOU ARE COLD BLOODED!!!

  • sandra martins


    I never use to believe in spell casting until i met Dr wellborn a powerful spell caster who helped me to be a happy person again. My name is Sandra martins and i reside in CANADA. After 3 years of Broken marriage, my husband left me with three kids. I felt like my life was about to end and i almost committed suicide, i was emotionally down for a very long time. Thanks to a Great spell caster called Dr wellborn which i met online on one faithful day when I was browsing CANADA Athrough the internet, i came across a lot of testimonies about this particular Great spell caster how he has helped so many people. he has helped people to bring back their Ex lover, some testified that he restores womb, cure cancer and other sickness, and so on. I also came across a testimony, it was about a woman called Amanda, she testified about how his spell made her to be pregnant after so many years of bareness and at the end of her testimony she dropped Dr wellborn email address. After reading all these, i decided to give it a try and i contacted him and explained my problem to him and he assured me that in less than 48 hours, my husband will call me and beg for forgiveness but i thought it will not work. When he had finished casting the spell, the next day my husband called me and he was begging for forgiveness just as Dr wellborn said. This is not brain washing and after the spell has been cast, i realized that my husband love me like never before and the spell caster opened him up to know how much i love him and how much love we need to share. We are even happier now than before. Dr wellborn is really a gifted man and i will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man. If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and a genuine spell caster to solve all your problems contact Dr wellborn now on he will help you solve your problems. Once again thank you Dr wellborn for your good deeds.

    Sandra martins _CANADA

    • Guest

      I don’t know who this guy is but if he’s casting spells you need to stop listening to him. He’s lying to you and it IS brainwashing. Don’t seek sorcery. Seek Jesus Christ.

  • Tiffany Diane Irwin

    As a child free woman that dated a single father, my answer is NO. Do NOT date a single parent, regardless of gender . Regardless of what she may say, how she’s ready for a relationship and swears up and down that the father will not be an issue, that’s a damn lie. Most people want children of their own. Unfortunately, single mothers probably don’t wanna have more kids. I’m sorry to sound so harsh. But from my experience of being in a blended family, and dating several single fathers, I made it a point to never date a single parent again. You can’t rightfully expect a man to give you 100% when you can only give 25% since the remaining 75% is going to your children (my kids come first). And the tables really turn if the woman has multiple kids by multiple men. I don’t mean to sound judgmental, but that by itself shows you have bad decision making and not very responsible.

    • DarthW

      Be judgmental away BeltonBelle. It’s good judgment that protects each of us from dating and marrying single parents. It’s wise.

  • Guest

    The problem with single mothers is they are all looking for daddy #2 for their child. They want you to make all the sacrifices by stepping into the daddy role. I’m active with hobbies outside work but singles mothers have always requested that I start attending all their kid’s sporting functions several evenings a week and my hobbies that make me happy go by the wayside. Who is making all the sacrifice here…… It should be mutual sacrifice. Not one sided.

  • The Raider

    I could’nt stress this anymore. Single Men with no kids, Stay away from females with kids. You will never be able to be the man of the house when it comes to chastisment with the kids, because those are not your kids, and she will continue to throw that in your face. She’s so used to being without a man, that she will continue to sort of act like a man even though she does not need to play that role anymore. There’s just to much to say and too many problems if i keep going. It will never work. PERIOD…..

  • The Raider

    Hell No !!!!!!!!!! I definately can’t stand a fat out of shape woman with three kids from three different relationships throwing herself at me hard and serious. Meanwhile, i work hard at the gym to keep my body in top shape. The thing that upsets me is, chicks like what i am describing now, really get upset because i don’t give them the time of day. No that is what you call selfish !! Plus i would rather have kids of my own !

  • Kent Harris

    Never a good idea. You have a 60-70% chance of divorce.

  • Kent Harris

    Never a good idea! The likelihood of divorce is much higher pn the order of 60-70%.

  • Bobby Blanco

    Women with kids= trash
    Avoid, let some other desperate loser play daddy.

    • Joseph

      Amen. Thank you. I needed this.

  • TruthTella

    To all the people on here try’na make excuses for these females like “multiple marriages”
    and “widows”, you’re full’a sh_t! Yeah there are some of those but they make up such a tiny percentage of the single-mom population that those excuses should not even be mentioned. Let’s be real, we all know that the VAST majority of single moms are just chics that passed on the good brothers to go and get knocked up by these aint sh_t ninjas cuz they were hot n’ ready like Lil’ Ceasar’s pizza.

    Then to make matters worse, they name their child some ridiculously ghetto-ass name (like LaDaquarius) that supposed to mean something significant in Swahili or some sh_t
    because they feel that even though their pregnancy was unplanned, the kid was
    “meant” to be here cuz he/she is gonna cure cancer in 20 years. Sorry
    to say, but ur kid has a higher chance of becoming a product of a single parent
    household than a doctor.

    Fact: Children raised in single parent households have a lower chance of going to college.

    Fact: Children raised in single parent households have a higher chance of incarceration (boys).

    Fact: Children raised in single parent households have a higher chance becoming single parents themselves (girls, the cycle continues).

    Dont believe me? Go look up the statistics for our young black men that are incarcerated, and the statistics for our young black women that are single mothers.

  • amina

    I don’t know how Dr Eziza did it,but he did it. My lover came back within 4 days after Dr Eziza did the Win Ex Back Love Spell for me. He finally dumped the other woman. he said he was thinking about me everyday NON-STOP! I still can’t believe it. I wish I found Dr Eziza earlier before I paid so much money to other sites and spell-casters. I think it’s a surprise but still i am still happy, because he’s been talking about marriage lately. thanks to Dr Eziza you can contact him on his email or +2348058176289

  • IMOLady

    Unfortunately its not the woman or man your dating that is the problem. Its the parent of the children that can be a huge factor. If your in a good place in your life and your lucky enough to find a person with children that doesnt come with drama, I say go for it. If not, find the nearest exit and RUN!! Aint nobody got time for that…

    • DarthW

      They all come with drama. Just run all the time.

  • Darthw

    If you’re a childless male OF ANY AGE considering dating a single mom (or if you’re a childless woman considering dating a single dad) I would suggest you stay single, or find a woman with no children. Of the dozens of relationships I’ve witnessed among my male friends over the years, only one has married a single mom (of one kid) that worked – and they are both great people and happily married – while the rest have failed. I’ve dated a few single moms until I finally wised up.
    Single parents tend to bring a ton more baggage to a relationship, and I don’t just mean the children. There’s generally more likelihood of debt, drama, bad boundaries with a crappy ex, and split loyalties all over the map. Often I’ve been accused of knowing nothing about children, so any ideas I have about the kids are dismissed at will (I’ve been a kid before, so I do have some ideas about what a kid needs.) However, single moms sure don’t mind dipping into your wallet to pay for that bigger house, those groceries, put the kids on your insurance, etc….but once you’re stepdad you better keep your mouth shut. The single moms also love it that you don’t have kids, so their little team (in which you are an outsider as stepparent) will always have the upper hand, and no other children to upset the balance. As step you will ALWAYS been third, fourth, or further behind in priority (even behind the ex spouse), but you sure better make her and her kids #1 priority or “YOU DON’T LOVE US!!” I know a half-dozen older stepdads whose stepkids are in their 30s and still living at home because mommy doesn’t know how to make her kids independent, and stepdad just keeps his hole shut under threat of divorce.
    Look around the internet forums. Seek out forums where stepparents are posting message about how great step-parenting is, or how marrying a single mom was the best thing they’ve ever done. You will find very few forums where step-parents have anything positive to say. You will find tons of forums full of resentment, anger, and frustration where stepparents have had enough.
    It’s much better to stay single that get with a single mom long term. If you can’t fight the urge, date ’em, and once the drama gets old, move on to something more fun. DON’T EVER MARRY A SINGLE MOM!

    • John

      “Long term”

      Don’t even go there short-term.

      • DarthW

        Well, maybe one or two nights if their hot.

    • There was one guy I was talking to who kept trying to force a relationship. I’m like well if we do, what about kids. He said he already got his kids. I’m like I don’t, so what about kids?? He told me he wasn’t having any more kids, that I wasn’t allowed to have kids and just to accept his kids (who didn’t like me) as my own. I’m like no, your kids are your problem not mine but I’m not going play step-mommy to two brats who don’t like me but I got to raise as my kids because you don’t want me to have my own. No no that’s not how it works.

      • DarthW

        Ugh. It’s so interesting how the selfishness never ends. Like when a single mom says “I want a man who will love my children as his own”. What that really means is she wants a man who will spend all his income on her and her brood while she does whatever the hell she wants. No one will ever love a single parents kids “as his/her own”.

  • This is the first article I’ve come across that speaks the truth. Most promote it and say its healthy. However I disagree. I will say I was always open to an already made family because if you care for that person you should be able to accept their life, and whatever else comes into play.

    However after personal experience of always hearing how my child comes first by men. Which I understand to a point. I got tired of that, because I felt I shouldn’t have to meet his demands and wants first and mine are secondary or even in third or last place. Now I did have an encounter with one guy who had a son. His son (who was one at the time) hated me. Would even hit me and throw toys at me and be down right evil!! But what made it worse the baby’s mother not only played an active roll she was always present. Not on a co-parenting type of role. She acted as if she and the baby father were still together. She left her stuff at his house and always showed up when I was alone with him. She even went so far to go through my purse and have their son do it too. She was just as horrible to me and would even have the father leave me in a room so they can have a “private” conversation. It was dreadful. Due to that I refuse to date or even consider a man with even one kid.

    I honestly get offended when a man with children approaches me expecting to date, hook up or whatever because I don’t understand why you expect a single person to be commuted knowing you have responsibilities else where. Depending on how the children and their mother feel makes it worse. But I do think this needs to be considered. If you don’t like kids, don’t want any of your own (ever or yet) or don’t want to compete for affection. It definitely needs to be left alone. But I’ve also noticed people with kids push to have a relationship with a single person and expect them to accept the “parental responsibility” and I don’t think that’s fair. You can’t make someone do something they don’t feel comfortable doing or may not want to do. And taking care of someone else’s child(ren) is definitely a challenge.

    • DarthW

      Bunny, your experience is like so many others. I think after 20 years of an ever-increasing population of single parents, those of us without children who are single have been waking up to the mess that single parents bring to relationships with one another, and those of us who are childless and single. We are told we’re selfish and heartless because we don’t want to raise someone else’s child, when none of it is that simple.
      Single parents selfishly seek to meet their needs and the needs of their children at the expense of the someone whom is childless. I have had single moms tell me they purposely seek out childless guys because it’s easier to date someone without children, and marrying them would easier. No doubt! Meanwhile they didn’t mind sitting back while I folded their kids laundry, cooked their kids meals, washed their kids dishes, paid for EVERYTHING we did, all trying to help single mom out. The single moms meanwhile wouldn’t keep the ex at bay, even though they were unemployed clods who were way behind in child support. Mommy wouldn’t bother to confront their ex about the child support, or why he keeps texting that he “loves her”, or “just stops by to visit” since she thought she had a new potential step dad to take over all that work.
      In time I wised up. I realized that although I like kids, and cared about theirs, that single moms were just gonna use me up, and I’d get nothing in return.
      Yeah there are childless men and women out there who are crappy too, but you don’t have the potential for split loyalties, undisciplined kids with whom you have no authority, debt, drama, and more crap when you try to date other childless singles.
      Stay wise. More singles are wising up.

      • Oh I agree definitely. I’m all for if you meet someone who worth the trouble. Hopefully there’s a line drawn in the roles of everyone involved. What’s funny I just had a guy I was talking to who I asked if he had kids when I first met him and he said no kids and he was single. About two months after I began talking to him regularly his baby’s mother added me on facebook and was boasting how much they were in love with each other and how happy they were to start a family. From that point it took him 5 months before he told me he had a kid. He posted on facebook how ready he was for his son to be born and I’m like who’s having a baby?? Not only did he delete my comment on facebook, he inbox me saying I was talking crazy and how he told me he was having a baby and then he had the nerve to say I forgot. I’m like no because if you’d told me I wouldn’t be talking to you at all. But of course everything was my fault. The best part his son was born a week later after he told me. So it’s not like you didn’t know she was pregnant or this just happened. But I’m not going to sit on the sidelines while you go play house and daddy and wait for the moment when you want to be single (which was always at 2am in the morning).

        I just don’t like being told I have to be on the sideline and put my wants and desires on hold because you want to deal with your family, but stay put because at some point you want to be single and do singleton stuff. No you can’t have both you pick one or the other. The main woman isn’t going to claim he’s wrong, it’s my fault. Oh hell no.

        I personally get disgusted when I see a good single person hook up with someone with kids because that just disrupts life. It’s fine if everyone can make it work, Kudos, but to tell me my only options for men are the guys with 3, 4 or 6 or 10 kids……I’m sorry I’m not interested at all. Like you said the kids are horrible and don’t respect you, you can’t say anything to them, and their parent is always going to take their side over yours. Honestly I let them know I’m too selfish to deal with your pre-made family and I need undivided attention and I’m not about to share with a kid you, yourself aren’t sure if you want.

        • DarthW

          You’re exactly right Bunny, and I appreciate the insight from the female experience…which sounds much like what we childless males deal with with single moms. Being last priority, often even behind their ex as well as the kids, is only one of many messy positions to be found when dating a single parent. If someone is just seeking some good times, like I am, dating a single parent when it’s convenient seems cool if they are cool, but once something better comes along, the dating gets dramatic or serious or boring, it’s time to leave the single parent behind. Besides most any single mom I’ve dated has also be a big ol’ liar, just like the last guy you dated.

  • MystiKasT

    I’m a 24 year old professional and I recently started dating a woman who has a kid; I have none. I’ve thought long and hard about it and unfortunetely have decided I cannot raise someone else’s kid. It is a shame because she is an amazingly wonderful girl who I would love to settle down with, however, as much as I’ve wrestled with it, I cannot bring myself to raise someone else’s child. Now I awkwardly have to break up with her. To anyone else: do not put yourself in this position.

    • DarthW


    • omgwat

      I did the mistake… And it’s really a big decision because I want to be with her… but I cannot see my future with her daughter… she is soo whiny and bossy. Even after 8 months, she just look at me and never answers me.

      I love my GF, but I start to have confused feelings. I love her, but I don’t at the same time…. I’m always number 2. I hardly can have a conversation with my GF, because her daughter always interrupts (she is 4.). Whenever I try to bond with her child, playing with her, watch a movie… she will be happy because we doing something she likes, but the rest of the time… she just doesn’t speak to me, or sometimes she answers me in a rude way 🙁

      I just cannot seem to have the courage to tell my GF “It’s over”… Idk :S

      • DarthW

        omgwat if you want to date her, keep doing so while it works for you. DON’T ever marry her though. I understand the confused feelings. Been there, done that. It took me a long time to get over it, but I did. I’m better for the experience, but won’t ever date a single mom again.

      • Anon Ne Mes

        I am also in this situation. But I am dating a single mom of 4 kids. I was always honest with her when I told her that I would never marry someone who has 4 kids that are not mine. I love her so much, and I get along with the kids. The youngest one can be very annoying sometimes. My girlfriend gets frustrated with her kids almost every time I visit, and I usually only visit twice a week. If she is having problems disciplining her own biological kids, I seriously doubt her kids would listen to anyone who would marry her and become their stepfather. I broke up with my girlfriend for two months last year before we eventually got back together. She knows that I won’t marry her but strangely enough, she took me back. I love my girlfriend very much, but there is no way that I would marry her and live with 4 kids who are not mine. But I can’t get myself to break up with her again, because I love her, even though we both know that there will be no marriage.

        • Chiffre

          She took you back because no one else is interested, four kids? no wonder, do her a favour and break up, don’t get her hopes up.

          • Joseph

            “She took you back because no one else is interested, four kids? no wonder,”


        • DarthW

          Eventually it will end Anon. She will eventually expect marriage. NEVER live with her and NEVER marry her. Her debt, her kids, her living situation can all stay her own. If it’s fun, date her, and when it’s not fun anymore hit the door guilt-free. She made the mess she’s in, so no need to feel guilty for not wanting to take that on.

  • Realist

    avoid like a rat infested with the black plague

  • Spencer.

    I dated a single mum for about 8 months, I asked all the necessary questions i needed to ask,Her relationship with her ex (omg-he’s useless), are you ready to move on (i cant wait, i have taken this for years, time to move on) are you sure (100% sure) For one thing, I loved her to bits and loved her son too. I accepted the whole package. Believe me, We were awesome and in perfect sync. We were engaged to be married. Out of the blue, She said baby daddy is back and wants to make things work and that they have been off and on for years- “Baby-Mama” Negro please, That’s a no go area.

    • DarthW

      Spencer, what you experienced happens all the time. Never trust a single mom with her ex. My last gf was a single mom, and her ex would push boundaries, and she’d just sit back and never confront him. He’d text her he loved her, and she’d just keep quiet (although the next day he might text her and call her every name in the book.) He was jobless, stole from her and the kids’ (piggy banks, believe you me) and cheated on her a half-dozen times. One day she was concerned he might have gotten into a wreck and mentioned to me about it, and couldn’t hold back the tears. That was one of my first signs she wasn’t done with him, even though they’d been divorced for a year, and separated for more. Then, I watched him call her, text her, email her, all things in the interest of being “friends”, and how he “still loved her”, but he didn’t love her enough to pay any child support, or work a job. Well, after a few months I left her so she could feel free to go back to him. He’s got another sugar mama now, so I don’t think she’s gotten much but maybe a few hops in the sack. Meanwhile, he didn’t pay his lease for a business he was running, and he signed the lease using an company they had when they were married but was legally dissolved. Now he’s gotten her sued, and on the hook with him for 10K. Of course, if they lose he simply won’t pay it, and she’ll be on the hook. I hope she still loves him. HA!
      Anyone reading this, stay away from single moms!

      • Antonio

        Wow I was just in a similar situation as you. I learned my lesson and will NEVER EVER date another single mom.

        • DarthW

          Very wise, Antonio. Very, very wise.

  • caroline

    What does it matter if somebody has kids? The only thing that should matter is if you fall for the person. Nobodys perfect..everyone has baggage in some form. People are so busy analysing what they want and dont want from a relationship that they forget real love doesnt work like that!

    • Jay

      To the poster that put down women with children with diffrent father’s. Your ignorant!
      People get pregnant even on birth control even using condoms ect. Your going to put down a women for what not having an abortion? What if they were married more then once? In a committed relationship with each father? Having multiple mothers or fathers to children means nothing! Its how responsible they are when taking care of the children that shows character. There are so many taboos out there when it comes to dating. Don’t date people that have been married or married more than once.People that have depression or basically that aren’t prefect. Its pretty much point blank there are many ppl out there with kids,,mental illnesses and a run of all kinds of flaws. Once you take each one of these off the table, guess whos single?

      Stop being so judgmental of people and their flaws. Its not about finding the perfect person, its about finding the one that’s perfect for you!

      • singlemom

        So very true.

        • DarthW

          Only “true” in the warped “reality” of a single mother.

      • I-WISH-I-WOULD

        “Stop being so judgmental of people and their flaws. Its not about finding the perfect person, its about finding the one that’s perfect for you!”

        Agree! And, that person has NO kids.

      • DarthW

        NO WAY JAY. Dating single parents when you don’t have you’re own kids is ridiculous and poor judgement. Dating a single mom with kids by more than one man, even from two marriages, is INSANE. SIngle moms want we guys to fix the messes they created themselves in their lives. They want our houses, our money, our work, and then there is a 70% chance that they’ll be the ones to initiate that 70% of divorces that happen in 2nd marriages. Run from single moms!!

      • BittaBlackDude

        You sound parched bruh, lemme go get you some water to quench that thirst.

    • Dessalines

      It depends where you are in life, at 25 with no kids it would matter for me and i’ll more likely not entertain the thought….ask me that question in 5 years maybe i’ll feel different

    • Pablo Escobar

      It matters to men. We dont want to raise another mans kids. Love is overrated.

  • Raven2012

    I find it funny how women avoid men with children , yet the women with children always seek out a man without children. that should tell you about these females in the 1st place fellas DUH! a single no kid chick is way better than a woman with kids, its tighter, more fun to be with and able to do things instead of having to deal with all that drama , babydaddy stalking ( sometimes being her side piece at that ) do not date a female with kids ignore her body, accept the fact she’s already been ran thru and should be considered used goods.

    • chay

      I beg to differ. I’m not by far ran thru or used goods. There are women with no kids looser than women with kids. Just because you don’t have kids doesn’t mean you have been pregnant. I’m a proud mother of 2, both by the same father whom has also been my only partner. I know girls with no kids who are ran through

    • singlemom

      Wooooooooowwwww!!!! Its a shame you feel that way and from reading your comment it makes one presume that you have a perfect and spotless life! Puuuhhhllleeeaaaassseee!!!!!! Just because a person has children does not make them “used goods” and does not mean they have been “ran thru”! One can say the same about a person without children. I will even go a step further and say if you have ever been in a relationship before and are not a virgin(which judging from your post I am sure you are)….that means you are no longer “new” and would therefore make you a “used good”. So the next time you decide to make a statement like that I strongly suggest you take a look in the mirror and make sure you are perfect and unflawed in all of your ways before you judge and stereotype ANYONE else…Please and thank you.

    • DarthW

      I agree with you on most points Raven2014…albeit not necessarily on the “ran thru and should be considered used goods” though. All single moms will have some of any of this type of baggage in some degree: drama, debt, undisciplined kids, look at you like a wallet, expect you to put her first while you get scraps, overwhelmed, poor boundaries with the ex, etc. I’ve dated women who were good moms with decent kids, but then they’d have that ex that they just couldn’t seem to keep from “coming over for a visit whenever”, or would continually cancel dates “because of the kids”, or sit back and let me pay for everything (which meant that would be the expectation if things ever got to marriage). Or if the ex was decent,then the kids were monsters and the woman was in debt to her eyeballs from the divorce….but wanted me to step in to pay the debts. While I believe there are a few decent single moms out there, and one of my buddies did marry a pretty great one….they are few are far between.
      Single moms sure like we childless, employed guys because we don’t have exes to be jealous of, and kids to overshadow their own. However, any single childless guy will generally find themselves on the short end of a relationship with a single mom.
      Single moms should date single dads, so they can all deal with the baggage each carries, and know what it’s like to be on the receiving end.

    • SingleNHappy

      Single moms chase men without kids, because a man without kids has more MONEY. With women it’s always about financial security. She doesn’t want a man with kids because he can’t afford to support her and her children. Why? Because he’s already supporting his own kids, or he’s a dead beat dad which she doesn’t want (if he doesn’t take care of his own kids why would be take care of hers?) keep your money in your wallet and avoid single mothers.

    • Duante Amorculo


      I like how women think it’s “selfish” for men not to want to raise your kids. It’s common sense, prudence, and street smarts to avoid single mothers. Why? Because there are a billion extra complications that go with them that men simply don’t have to put up with. Never mind if men think of your kids as “baggage” or not. They have to deal with your
      baby daddy. They have to deal with all the expenses that accompanies having children. They have to deal with your schedule. They have to deal with competing for your attention and affection, and lastly, they have to deal with your bad decision making. Like it or not, it is a bad decision to bring a child into a relationship that isn’t rock solid. Now your baby daddy doesn’t escape responsibility from this either, but he isn’t the subject of debate. You are. Why should any man assume you have your mental and emotional act together when it’s clear you’ve made at least one major mistake in your life? Single moms aren’t the devil
      and they aren’t the worst dates in the world, but it’s simple math to see why it’s not a great idea for any man to want to date one. The margin for error is much smaller and the risk is much greater. Why is it “selfish” to want to avoid that?

      WHY would any man date a women who **** another man, got inseminated, and produced an heir that is not his in blood–who is a constant living reminder that you are taken by another man (on top of the other problems that come along with dating a single mother)?

      P.S. The rare single parent women who find a man who is willing to wife her is because he was able to look past that mainly due to her looks. If you are a single
      mom who is still young and attractive you MAY have a chance just not with me or any guy with half a brain unless melanie velez.

    • Joseph


  • vanillasteve

    Sprint, don’t just run away from the expense and hassle of dating a single mother.

    • DarthW


    • Duante Amorculo


      I like how women think it’s “selfish” for men not
      to want to raise your kids. It’s common sense, prudence, and street
      smarts to avoid single mothers. Why? Because there are a billion extra
      complications that go with them that men simply don’t have to put up
      with. Never mind if men think of your kids as “baggage” or not. They
      have to deal with your
      baby daddy. They have to deal with all the
      expenses that accompanies having children. They have to deal with your
      schedule. They have to deal with competing for your attention and
      affection, and lastly, they have to deal with your bad decision making.
      Like it or not, it is a bad decision to bring a child into a
      relationship that isn’t rock solid. Now your baby daddy doesn’t escape
      responsibility from this either, but he isn’t the subject of debate.
      You are. Why should any man assume you have your mental and emotional
      act together when it’s clear you’ve made at least one major mistake in
      your life? Single moms aren’t the devil
      and they aren’t the worst
      dates in the world, but it’s simple math to see why it’s not a great
      idea for any man to want to date one. The margin for error is much
      smaller and the risk is much greater. Why is it “selfish” to want to
      avoid that?

      • DarthW

        Oh yes. I’ve gotten the “I thought you were man enough to take all this (single mommy, her brood, her ex, and her mess) on.” from single mommies when I told them “We done.” Note that I was not bring that same mess into the relationship for her to deal with AND I was bringing loads for cash and assets than she had. Not pursuing anything more than a sexual fling (be sure to use your own BC guys) with single mommy is wise, self preservation for we guys.

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  • Southern Hospitality

    Let me also add that the last three men I have dated ALL HAD CHILDREN OUR OF WEDLOCK THEY DIDN’T SEE ON A REGULAR BASIS OR HAD NO MAJOR ROLE IN THEIR LIVES. I’m willing to give men with children the chance, but again, men live in these false utopias in their brains….

    • chay

      Definitely agree!

      • DarthW


    • MystiKasT


      • dirty drawers

        it got nothing to do with being black…. it got something to do with being broke
        this honkie that work with me don’t take care of his kids at all he aint ashamed or nothing he just to care idk why

        • DarthW

          You’re right dirty drawers, it has nothing to do with skin color. I’ve dated plenty of women with ex-husbands who were white, and half of them seemed to have no honor, or decency, regarding their kids. I won’t date single moms any more, partly because the single moms still seemed to pine for these pieces of crap in spite of the ex cheating on them, stealing from them, etc. They just keep chasing the bad boys. If they want them, they can have them.

          • Joseph

            “They just keep chasing the bad boys. If they want them, they can have them.”

            This^… So. Much. This.

            Dated a single mom who threw me to the curb for ANOTHER bad boy. The first bad boy gave her a kid, the second bad boy beat and abused her, and gave her TWO kids. But she wants to milk me dry then throw me away.. loll, okay, have fun with your future abuse.

            • DarthW

              Man, I’ve seen so many scenarios like this where mommy had kids with a deadbeat, criminal ex, and still she seeks him out and more like him, even while dating a decent guy. Then the decent guy wises up and kicks her to the curb, yet she acts like the decent guy should “man up” and put up with all her debt, drama, ex garbage etc., like it’s OK for her to chase the ex, and also have a successful guy to pay the bills.

        • BittaBlackDude

          No, it has nothing to do with being black. But this single mom epidemic seems to mostly involve women of color.

    • coptic777

      I wonder how many of those men were even in actual relationships with these women? I wonder how many of those men were not forced into fatherhood despite them not being ready emotionally or financially. I wonder how many of the mothers made it difficult for any relationship to occur and just wanted that child support check every month or down at the courts trying to get the fathers locked up? The truth is deadbeat dads are more myth than reality. Google “POST DIVORCE WEALTH GAP WAS WRONG AUTHOR AGREES”. The women who wrote the child support and family court laws based on the lie that deadbeat dads were rampant ADMITS SHE MADE IT ALL UP. This is from the horses mouth. No way around this one ladies….

      • DarthW

        This is certainly a truth. One of the major inequalities in our society is that once a woman is pregnant a guy has no say in the situation. He is merely expected to accept her decision and pay that child support ($$$$). So, many women set a guy up, tell him “I’m on BC, so no need for you to wear a condom.” The guy trusts her, and then finds out later “Oops. I wanna keep the kid and you are gonna pay!”

  • Southern Hospitality

    To me it is not about having the children, it is HOW you had the children and how you view your life with them now. If a woman was MARRIED and had her children in marriage, or even in a committed relationship with ONE DUDE, that should be a consideration.

    It is funny men want us to take them with their multiple children but don’t want to date women on the premise that they don’t want to take care of another man’s child. SMH. That is what happens when men found out the dating game was in their favor.

    Oh and #TeamSINGLE with no kids in my 30’s. Please and thanks.

    • dirty drawers

      good job girl

    • John Doe

      Actually this is backwards. 75% of women do not want to date a man with kids and always warn not to, but yet those same women (ones with kids) beg and plead why a man should take them. Guess what? I did. I raised two kids by a mom who had them with by two different dads. Not in marriage, not wise. I married her, I THEN had two kids of my own with her. Six years married. I was in the military and continued the same type of work. Wife wanted a new house, didn’t get it, went with her boss who had her dream home. Moved the kids in and sent me my papers. The day the judge signed the divorce papers, the exact waiting period, she went back and married the other guy. They were dating while I was married but now he gets to be her fourth marriage. And raise four kids that aren’t his and everyone has their own last name in that household. I should have taken my warnings but that was my longest relationship and for the most part I was happy. Devastated at the end and contemplated suicide but here I am today writing. Life is just that… breath, heartbeat

      • DarthW

        True John Doe. The last two single moms – emphasis on “last” – I was in a serious relationship with told me they didn’t want to date single guys with kids, obviously because it was easier for her not to deal with the same crap she was bringing to the relationship. AND more of my wallet for her….or so she thought.

    • Pablo Escobar

      You are proud that you wasted your ovaries and didn’t have kids during your peak fertility and beauty years? ok

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  • Teelia

    There is nothing wrong with a man without kids wanting to date women without kids. I let men know upfront what I was looking for because I did not have kids. I actually had 2 men lie about their children. One guy had 3 kids under the age of 5. I found out 3 weeks in and dumped him. One had a 10 year old son who I found out about 6 months later. I felt he was a horrible dad because he did not spend time with his son. I stopped seeing him after a year because he was a bad person all around. I actually helped the child’s mom to get support from him because he was not giving her a dime. He worked an off the book job and I let her know what day he got paid and where he was going when he went shopping. I did this twice a month and after 3 months he decided he should just give her something. He never found out I was tipping her off and I actually still speak to her once or twice a month.

    • fire lion

      Women are very mean to children not theirs. More so than even men.

      • DarthW

        The term “wicked stepmother” came about from such truths I suspect. 🙂

  • kittymabach

    i will never understand why a person without kids would want to date someone with them….that’s too extra

    • Ronald

      I’m 38 and have dated a lot of wen without kids, at this age most women have some kind of baggage or reason for being single, so after not finding what I was looking for I was honest with myself about what really mattered to me, and decided at this point that if they had a kid and it was workable it wasn’t off the cards as long as they were the women I was looking for.
      The first women with kids I chatted with online that I really connected with gave me an option of meeting up with her with or without her 4 year old son, I decided to met them both so I could make the decision early, and half expected that I may after all have a problem with it. At first it was new and strange to me, but by the end of the date it just felt right to me, I was really attracted to her on a number of levels, and the kid was ok and seemed to like me (something that may have been a deal breaker). It is still early days but I am happier in this relationship than I have been a lot of others.
      It’s not for a lot of guys but my advise to guys without kids who are thinking about it:
      1. You must like kids and have spent time with some. ( I had two nieces to break my in)
      2. Be honest with yourself, and if it is not for you end it early, as other people have said there is more than 1 person involved in the relationship. While a lot of moms say they are not looking for a dad in many cases the kid will still see you as a father figure.
      3. You have to be really attracted to her, there must be something special between you that makes up for any down sides you see of her having kids.
      4. Keep up your relationships with friends as there may be a lot of time she wants to spend with the kid/s that may not involve you, particularly to start with. (I like my own time so this works for me)
      5. You must be a patient guy, as others have said you aren’t always number one, and in my experience things go a lot slower as time for dating can be less.

      • DarthW


        • Kam


      • John Doe

        I did exactly what Darth warns about, and felt just as Ronald talks about… However, my “now” x, was exactly of the such… two kids, two different dads. One later committed suicide and they were in a middle of a divorce. I raised her two kids for six years, had two more with her… just to have her once I went overseas to help take care of the family for history to repeat itself. I found myself exactly where the other guy was and now my x is remarried to a man with kids (20 years older). I strongly suggest following what Darth has mentioned. Period. My now 3 and 5 year old are being raised by another man old enough to be Grandpa, while I am far away, as I took this job to help the family get out of debt. Instead the debt is all mine now and my time with my kids is irrelevant because I was considered by the courts to have “abandoned” my family. I was in the military for many years and later became a contractor. Wife wanted a new house that we couldn’t afford, so she took on the boss who had the house she wanted and moved the whole family in and set me my walking papers. I nearly thought suicide just as the previous guy did and the x was encouraging enough for me to just go ahead as she’d receive more benefits and money in my death than me being alive. I wish her new guy the same hell I was given.

        • DarthW

          Ugh. Sorry to hear such John Doe. Too many guys get caught in this kind of trap. Thanks for sharing your story for others to hear!

  • Candacey Doris

    Women please also take this advice. If he has kids you need to take a second to look at yourself.

    • DarthW

      Exactly. Childless women should seek out childless men. Life will be much easier.

      • falcngnzx2

        And because of FEMINISM over the last 40 years, there are a PLETHORA of single, never married, childless, “career women” who can MAKE THE CHOICE to finally stop being “SELFISH” and pay for and take care of some other WOMAN’S kids!

        • john

          no, that’s what men and big daddy government are for

      • David Felder

        Thats right. And childless men should only go for childless women.

        • DarthW

          Honestly, I don’t think any man should consider marriage at all. Too risky for men. Women will take you financially in marriage and in divorce. I can tell you that living the single life where I make and spend my money the way I want is the way to go! Not spending it on her whims, not leaving myself exposed so she can divorce me – as most women initiate divorces, not spending it on kids that arent’ mine. Being single is a win-win for guys.

          • Michel

            I find that being single (with no children) is a “win-win” for women, too.

            • DarthW

              I would agree, Michel. I believe fewer women see that reality than men, but I believe the same goes for both genders.

        • Michel

          I “whole-heartedly agree.”

  • Ann

    What about the guys who has children? You have men out there has children by all these different women and act like it not a problem at all. They don’t even deal with their baby mothers to even have a discussion to make sure they have some kind of understand that their relationship is over and the only involvement that have is with the child. They just sit there and don’t do anything and allow the new person to be disrespected. To me it is one of the biggest double standards.

    • Chiffre

      Eternally if the guy has the kids and is not visiting them(is primary caretaker) he’s been through every check and moral test the state can administer.

  • Mr. Jones

    Only if she’s really hot, really nice, and the father spends time with the kids. You can date when daddy has the kids. Single parents should only date other single parents.

    • Wrong. When you’re a parent, the children come first no matter where they are geographically. And dating when the Daddy has the kids is pretty selfish and unrealistic – because you don’t know how often he will have them. The point is, if you can’t handle the kids, don’t date someone who has them. As for single parents only dating other single parents, that’s not accurate either. You can date anyone you want. Many relationships that consist of one person having children when the other does not are happy ones. Some people are happy caring for children without seeing the need to have any of their own.

      • DarthW

        I beg to differ that relationships consisting of one person having children while the other does not are happy ones. They may be “happy” (cough cough) for the single mom, but a childless stepdad, while he may be keeping quiet with her, is letting his buds know it SUCKS.
        I know of about two dozen marriages over the last 20 years where the guy was childless and married a single mom. Only one seemed like both were happy. The other 23 are divorced, or the stepdad is sick of having 30 year old lazy stepkids still living at home because mama can’t cut the apron strings.
        Search the internet for forums where stepdads are saying “I didn’t have kids and married a single mom, and now I’m happy.” You won’t find many, if any, forum posts like that. What you will find is a lot of stepdads advising others NEVER to bother with single moms. And they’d be correct.
        I dated several single moms before I gave up on them. Most of them saw me only as a wallet and strong back to support them and their brood. They weren’t interested in a partnership, and were often chasing their exes still (most of them were supposedly “deadbeats”. The single moms were usually deep in debt, difficult kids, and often on Xanax and other pills. 70%+ of second marriages end in divorce, and 70 to 90% of divorces are initiated by wives, so all in all dating then marrying a single mom is simply a huge mess.
        Thankfully, we men are getting wise, and the word is spreading. Marriage is a rip off for men, and more and more men simply aren’t interested in it. Marriage to a single mom is even more of a raw deal.

        • Marcus_Aurelius

          Brother, you may have just saved my life. I was just about to dive in head first, but not after reading this post. In all my stoic wisdom, I still fall for the hot girl with a toddler, and thus need reminders like this. If gods exist, may they bless you for your post.

          • DarthW

            Thanks Marcus_Aurelius, and glad you thought otherwise. Believe me I’ve struggled similarly in the past, and finally learned. No point in being a nice guy to single moms as no good deed goes unpunished when dealing with a single mom in a serious relationship. Want to date them for fun? Probably OK. Date a single mom seriously or marry them? NO EFFIN WAY!

        • wise sabrina

          You are such a narrowminded Jerk.. stop giving bad advice to people… the poor single moms as u say may be in debt, difficult kids,

          often on pills.. because of JERK SELFISH men like you! The poor single moms are struggling to pay off debts, and take care of THE JERK MENS kids because the dumb fathers does not pay for the debts, and help raising his kids, and did not stay and man up to take care of the children as they were suppose to and the poor mother has to end up doing the job… and then no one NO JERK men wants to marry her because of the kids that he left behind..and because MOTHER was caring and took on all the troubles to raise the kids because the men didnt want to..she gets all the stress and now on top of it has to deal with all this nonsense of jerk men out there like u saying dont marry her dont date her… WHY! they are 100% better caring in every way..and a much better HUMAN BEING then you…

          • DarthW

            They aren’t on pills because of me “wise” Sabrina because I didn’t marry, have kids, and divorce. I didn’t create that kind or mess, so why should I “rescue” a woman who couldn’t keep it together with the father of their kids? I shouldn’t, and nor should any man. Don’t hassle me about it, because I already have tried it many times in relationships with single moms. Single moms are bad choices all around.

            • Zagreus

              Hey, and don’t forget, even if you are NOT the biological father- if you marry a single mom, in some states you can be considered “in loco parentis”- basically in place of the parent. If they can prove you are “acting as the parent” to the kids, if the bio dad isn’t around, guess what: they can nail you for child support. EVEN IF YOU HAVEN’T ADOPTED THE KIDS. Men beware. This ALMOST happened to me. I got out. Barely.

        • mal Tribes

          I concur wholeheartedly!!! Pump em then Dump em without leaving your seeds in them or be prepared to pay 216 months of child support or lose your freedom and go to jail just to toss another man salad!!

          • andrew

            amen to that. single mothers are all looking for a baby daddy. the guy will never come first. single mothers should date single fathers to big one big happy family. the single guy has to deal with the babys bullshit, the mothers bullshit, and even the grandmothers bullshit. you can’t win. in the end you’ll be financially broke or even wind up in jail.

  • Trisha_B

    I rather not date a guy w/ kids, so I see nothing wrong w/ a guy not wanting to date a woman w/ kids. Its a personal choice.

    • Ms. Kameria

      I feel you 100%. I avoid dating guys with children.

    • Ms. Kameria

      I agree 100%. I avoid dating guys with kids.

    • David Felder

      I would never date a woman with kids. Just not worth it. It really is a personal choice.

      • DarthW

        Really, it’s the ONLY choice…good choice anyway.

  • I’d say before the ago of 30-35 dont bother. There are plenty of well educated, do for self women in the world with no children. And that goes for women looking for men also. After 35 the numbers start to go down because of things like kids during a previous marriage but now divorced etc. In the end its all about how you feel. Are you feeling her? Can you look past her having a child(ren). If she has multiple children by multiple men….RUN!!!

    • Candacey Doris

      +1! I knew a guy who swore he was in love with this girl who had 4 kids by 3 men (at 23!). I told him to run but he didn’t listen. Then he wanted to come cry when it went bad.

    • Jessica

      Just because a woman has kids with multiple men automatically means a man should run?! You should never judge a book by it’s cover. You don’t know their story, so who are you to judge? For instance, my oldest son is from my first marriage. My husband cheated on me for over 3 months, so I left him. My two youngest are from my second marriage. My husband was killed in a car accident coming home from work. So, now I have three children from two different fathers. All I wanted was a family, so I should be made to be a victim of my circumstances and be deemed a bad person for that? I can’t help how everything worked out. Screw you and your close-mindedness.

      • DarthW

        Wow take a chill Jessica. The fact that you are widowed makes your situation different from 4 kids from 3 men at the age of 23. The loss of your 2nd husband was a terrible thing, and for some men who would consider someone with kids it is definitely easier when some “ex” isn’t around to deal with along with stepkids. That being said, you may date a lot, but marriage may be a difficult think to attain until your kids are out of the house. As for me, I’m done with single moms, widows or not. There is just too much crap to deal with no matter how great the woman may be.

        • Yung TAP

          I wholeheartedly agree. I had to learn the hard way to never date women with kids again. They don’t have the slightest clue on how to treat men. They only want you to love their kids with money. If it’s parental advice, you get hit with “You aren’t the father” when they don’t even know where the father is. Smh. I say let all their independent asses stay lonely and maybe they will learn how to appreciate men

    • Rob Nemere

      Thats just a leftover from caveman days, in the past women had children by many men some men died in wars some were taken away as slaves the woman who had many kids had some future security its human nature just not sure how it relates or works in 2016