15 Twitter Dont’s We Learned From Celebrities
Not everyone wants to read about how beautiful you think you are. Nicole Richie’s Twitter account used to be filled with Glamour Tweets, but now that Nicole is no longer under Paris’s narcissistic influence, she’s finding out that she can attract more fans with funny tweets than with vain ones. Now she makes fun of her old Glamour Tweets in her new webisode show #CandidlyNicole.
What happens in the bathroom should stay in the bathroom. And we’d like to share that rule with Lil’ Jon so he can spare his 800,000 followers from news about his restroom business.
Tweets About Your Lady Parts
We’ve all had celebrity crushes from time to time, but there are better ways to discuss them than talking about the lady downstairs. And if Amanda is listening, we’d like to extend this rule to photos of lady parts too.
Tweets About Your Bedroom Habits
Why not save the intimate details of your kinky bedroom activities for your autobiography? Seth Rogen has 755, 000 followers and most of them are going to have trouble getting this imagery out of their heads when they’re watching This Is The End.
Misspelled Inner Monologue Tweets
Not every passing thought is worth a tweet. And Paula’s page is filled with misspelled, loopy, disjointed posts. Why not save those 140 characters for something important? Maybe then some of Paula’s 2.5 million followers might actually tweet back.
It’s not polite to talk about religion or politics at dinner parties. But should the same rules apply to Twitter? Tom Cruise’s tweets suggest that maybe they should. Perhaps he should save his theories about Justin Bieber’s place in the universe for Scientology discussion groups and spare his 4 million followers.
Anyone can sound intelligent in 140 characters. So why wouldn’t you try? Maybe Kim should have someone proofread her Tweets before she sends them out. Or maybe she should just stick to twit pics. We like those better anyway.
Tweeting in Lolspeak
Lolspeak was acceptable when we all typed our texts on numeric keypads. But now everyone has QWERTY keyboards at home and on their phone. It’s time to drop the abbreviations. Kate saved 3 seconds typing these abbreviations and I wasted 30 seconds rereading them to try and figure out what they say.
You wouldn’t think this needed saying, but apparently 50 Cent isn’t familiar with the line between funny and inappropriate. This joke isn’t even funny. It’s just crass. Maybe try your inappropriate out on a small audience before immortalizing them on Twitter.
We all know Cher can string a sentence together. But if her tweets are the only thing that survives, music fans of the future are going to assume that she’s mentally challenged. I think everyone should get a Tweet Check Buddy. A little re-reading and we could all avoid confusing the mess out of our followers.
Tweets About Breast Milk
We’re trying hard, but we can’t think of any reason to include the words “breast milk” in a Tweet. We don’t know Jersey Shore’s Nicole Polizzi’s followers, but we’re pretty sure that they don’t want to know to hear this. We know they didn’t want to see the video.
Like Moby’s here. Moby has a reputation of taking pot shots at the hip hop community. But he certainly crossed the line with this tweet that suggests seeing more black people in the MoMa would make it the “new hood.” Mess like this is a great way to get your followers to hit the “unfollow” button.
We’re on the fence about this one. Kanye’s diva moments are some of his best. Should you stifle a tweet if its going to elicit an eye roll? Or do you tweet on with your narcissistic self?
Anything About Ciroc
Because Diddy’s got that on lock. If we never read another Tweet about Ciroc again, it’ll be too soon. We know that Diddy retweets any pic or tweet that has anything to do with Ciroc. But we could all use a break. So maybe we can all stop tweeting about Ciroc until Diddy agrees to give us a cut of the check.