Pump Ya Brakes: The Love Lesson We Can All Learn From Ciara

May 9, 2013  |  

Source: WENN

Oh love. There’s nothing else like it, right? It’s magical, beautiful, divine. Love, in any form, is probably one of the best things we can hope for in this life. But if you’ve been around the block a time or two, you know that there’s flip side to this love business. It’s not always a bed of roses. It can enrage you, betray you, deplete you, hurt you. That’s why when you first fall in love it’s important to take your time and guard your heart.

Today, this lesson will be illustrated by singer/dancer Ciara.

It was a couple of weeks ago when we posted the video of Ciara’s awkward interview on 106 & Park. It was mostly awkward because we watched her sit and chat with ex boyfriend Bow Wow, right in front of her current boyfriend, rapper Future. Bow Wow did the best he could, though there were times where he was clearly overcompensating. During the interview, Bow Wow went through pictures from Ciara’s Instagram asking her to describe what was going on in each shot. By the time he got to the second pic, the audience and even Bow Wow started doing that obnoxious “Wooooo” noise folks do when there’s a romantic moment being shared on television. The picture was of Ciara and Future sitting next to each other on what she called a “PJ.” (That’s a private jet for you poor folks.) After the audience settled down, Ciara started describing the picture saying “That’s me and my King.”


When you refer to a man, a mere mortal, as your king you automatically lower yourself. Even if Future is walking around referring to Ciara as his Queen, it’s just not quite the same. Everybody knows traditionally the two roles aren’t equivalent. We were discussing the notion of calling a man your king in the office and we unanimously agreed that she took things a little too far. (It would seem that the two have been dating each other for a year max.) The more I thought about this “king” thing, the more I wondered if I could or would use it in the context of a more stable, more committed relationship like a marriage.

I’m not married so I called my mom and asked her if she’d ever call my father, her husband her king. She thought about it for a second before saying no. She said there’s something about the word “king” that is so vivid that you immediately start imagining the man wearing a crown, or a halo and she just didn’t feel comfortable giving that title to a man, not even one she’s been married to for nearly 30 years. She said that when you call someone your king it’s almost sacrilegious, like you’re relying on this man to be your everything. And no man can be everything to anyone. I told my mom about Ciara and she agreed it was too much and homegirl is just young.

I neglected to tell my mom about Ciara’s tattoo featuring Future’s initial.

When Ciara appeared on The Wendy Williams show, Wendy spotted the tattoo and asked Ciara straight out about her tattoo and whether it was the smartest decision. Ciara said she got the tattoo as a way to speak things into fruition.

And I feel so good about where I am. I’m very confident and comfortable with the way he loves me. I say that to say I’m only going to put in the universe positive things. I’m going to put in the universe that it’s only going to get better and better and better.

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  • teresa

    i love these 2 together. No mistake here. When Ciara looks at Future she sees the face of her father, her first love. Think about it. He looks a lot like her father. It is going to last. When 2 people meet that are destined to be together YOU KNOW IT RIGHT AWAY. Love at first sight is REAL.

  • Kay

    Here’s the thing…Ciara is young and supposedly in love. In the industry most relationships are short lived and very surface. I think Ciara should take time to really find out if her relationship is as true as she thinks it is before going all around Hollywood talking about her relationship. I think its not very wise to put any other persons name on your body, especially when you are only dating them for a short time (anything less than 2 years to me is not long enough to permanently put someone else’s name or a memory mark of them on you body. Wisdom ladies!) ON the other side it is her life and she is entitled to do whatever she wants with whoever she wants. I just wish these women would stop calling men their “kings” and all that before they truly make the ultimate commitment to them (MARRIAGE ..yes I said it. Ladies we have to stop giving men husband treatment when they are just a boyfriend. Get it together!)

  • bethany

    whats wrong with her calling him her king? the way she said it was like a cute pet name, not that he was actually her king. in the black community some1 is always making a mountain out of a mole hill, let her love this man in her own way! let her be happy w/o singling out 1 word she uttered and turning it into something it has nothing to do with. so what if she’s had a couple of relationships that didnt last?! hell even the writer of this crappy article is not even married and had to ask her mom for an opinion lol i think maybe thats why black women are always single b/c they dont wanna show their man they actually love and care for them.

  • I really don’t understand the shade on her lately. How is calling him her king lowering herself? That’s ridiculous. Seems like some only support black relationships when they are unhealthy like ri and Chris. My man is my king and I’m his queen. Maybe she should call him her ni99a and she can be his b!t*Ch and then they’d make the power couple list. Smh

    • john

      lol that is so on point. except the part about chris and ri being a couple. they were never a couple. they were a 3some with melissa all along and now it is just her and melissa again, and their strippers.

  • Shinning _BE

    I like the article and think it makes some valid points about respecting yourself, your values and maintaining your identity within a relationship, particularly in the initial stages when one is prone to get caught up in the seemingly perfectness of it all ..

    I think it is lovely that Ciara is happy and in love, but referring to a guy as your ‘King’ (I think was done to irritate and belittle her ex Boo Woo) BUT getting a tattoo on your RING FINGER… OTT…I’m surprised Future hasn’t ran out the door, wouldn’t that scare many men away….Referring to a man as ‘King’ some how places him in a position of higher esteem and ruler…no man is above me nor I beneath….my idea of a healthy relationship is one where both people are valued equally… hopefully he will prove himself a decent man in the long run…and if not let’s hope she grows to learn from her experiences.

    ‘Mum’s the Word’ Ciara…being happy in your heart is the most important thing no need to broadcast.

  • So you really just wasted an article on this? Really? Need we talk about how broken the Black infrastructure is…the state of Black family life? So she wants to call him her King…clearly that’s how she feels (not as in her “ruler”, but as in her rock, her lover, her friend, etc. something that is more holistic and pure, than oh lets say–patriarchy). The only reason why her relationships are public is because she is a public figure. Everyone can’t be Jay-Z and Bey; not to mention that Ciara is still growing up. Then you want to talk about the man because he has multiple baby mothers? I am a woman, and ultimately I decide whether or not I want kids; so if those women decided that they wanted to be next in line, then that’s their business. Really though, who are you to critique someone else’s relationship? If it isn’t abusive or dysfunctional in any way, then I’m pretty sure your critique is void–as in void because it’s none of your business…as in void because you lack the credentials to summarize what type of feelings and/or relationships a person should have. The argument is quite dumb anyway–sacrilegious? HAAAA–REALLY? First of all I’m going to need you to understand the origins of that word, what it means, and if it’s the right one to be applied in this situation. Really, you feel as if she is in some way demeaning herself by calling her man, HER king. You do not wish to ruled by man (a man), and so neither should she–right? Anyway, if she is happy being a “sucker for love”, then allow her to be. Some people love HARD, and that’s ok. It’s also ok to have regrets, make mistakes etc. And I haven’t seen this tattoo, but if it’s F for Future…ummmm pretty sure she’s good there.

    • Trollolol

      ….you seem upset.

    • Nadu

      Agreed! I’m pretty sure most of these women who have an issue with the term “king” are very single…and if they’re not, probably aren’t wifey material. Sorry. Been happily married 10 years to my King and I am his Queen. The black family is dangerously disenigrating, with too many proud baby mamas having to raise these kids by themselves. To have a king means you are a queen and perhaps if more of our women regarded themselves in that light, there’d be less ratchetry going on in our relationships and choices in men.

  • Stop

    The author seems bitter. It’s her relationship to talk about. They aren’t hurting anyone so leave them be. And it’s ok for a man to call his woman his queen but not the other way around? What would you prefer? Her ni99a? Her daddy? Had she said he was her baby would this article still have been written? I’m nota fan of either of them as artists but they are grown so let them live.

    • Sally

      Very bitter!!!

  • Lo

    Amen. I couldn’t believe it when I saw the tattoo of his initial on her ring finger. He has several baby mamas and the two of them haven’t been dating that long. Anything can happen. As far as her calling him her king, it would have been cool like… saayyy…3 years in? Smh

  • Bobby

    I never thought her and 50 were a couple! They were never seen together and they never said they were in a relationship! I seen her on Wendy yesterday and she came across as very likeable, what she does with her man is their business!


    • Nia

      OMG! ITA! Calling your man daddy is so gross!

    • TONI

      You are right about that, LOL!!!

    • Love Child

      I have to agree. Calling a man “Daddy” is some other level type ish.

  • Jud Jud

    I believe that Ciara puts too much information out there, this article is on point. I like her and Future together but she needs to pump the brakes as you mentioned in the title.

    • I don’t agree with the articles view of the king thing which seems to be her focus But she is definitely forcing this relationship on us by over publicizing it which makes it seems forced.

  • Trisha_B

    I see nothing wrong w/ her calling him her King. I mean we always want men to treat their girls like Queens. I just think Ciara is doing too much so fast. Its the honey moon phase. I just hopes it doesnt bite her in her behind later. They are cute tho…I think her & drake would be the perfect couple. They can obsessed together lol

  • Pivyque

    I have to agree with Nia on that. It’s her relationship, While I don’t understand or agree with some of the choice she makes, those are HER choices. If she wants to call him her king, she can do that. I just hope these two are in it for the long haul. If she’s not pregnant now, she probably will be in the near future lol

    • joy

      He looks just like her forst love. Her father.

    • Lol

      WOW! You posted this 10 months ago and she is pretty much 9 months pregnant LOL HOW DID YOU KNOW?!

  • Nia

    If she wants to call HER man a king, she can. It’s HER relationship! That’s where so many women go wrong all up in the next woman’s isht! This is stupid. So a man can call a woman his queen but she can’t call him her king?
    Ya’ll need to stay out of Ciara’s relationship and worry about your own!

    • Bumbling Black Man

      I agree, I see nothing wrong with a woman calling a man a “king,” or a man calling woman a “queen.” (Black folks especially are royalty anyways) I hope to have a queen in my life someday – the queen isn’t married to the court jester, the duke, the bodyguard, the chef, or a servant, but the king! With this issue about being a “queen”, someone could make an issue about people calling their daughter “princess.” That’s a whole ‘nother can of worms there…

      • sweettea

        That is not her husband so that whole analogy is pointless

        • Bumbling Black Man

          The article did not state that the author would feel differently if they were married.

    • cb

      wrong, here lies the problem…she not supposed to call any man King…not the same

      • Bumbling Black Man

        SHE can do whatever she wants… Now whether you agree with it or not is something else. Personally, I haven’t been a fan of Ciara since 12th grade (and I’m 25 now), but I hope she is happy. Please correct me wrong, but if I’m understanding your comment correctly, it seems you have an issue with any man being called a king (married or not), while I see no issue with it. We’ll agree to disagree on that one; nothing you say can change my mind on that, and I’m pretty sure nothing I say will change your mind. We’re all entitled to our own opinion.