Ways You’re Turning Him Off Without Realizing It

May 10, 2013  |  
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Have you been getting the, “Not tonight” line a lot lately? We won’t sugarcoat it: it is weird for a physically healthy male to be turning down easy, available sex. And you might be causing his lack of libido, without knowing it. Here’s How:



You pat his belly

You do it to show you love all of him, and because you think it’s cute. And while your partner appreciates that he can be comfortable about every part of himself around you, he doesn’t like to know you’re so aware of his growing belly. Stop patting it.


Your girlfriends and you talk about their sex life

Right in front of your guy, you and your girlfriends gab on about what their men do in bed, which pretty much lets your man know you talk about what he does in bed too. And that makes him not want to go to bed with you anymore. (He’s heard the way you and your friends tease every noise, movement and facial expression their men make).


You’re talking down to yourself

You’re calling yourself fat, or your boobs small, or your nose big. He obviously likes how the whole package comes together, or he wouldn’t be with you. But he can’t help but focus on your flaws when you’re so focused on them. And that’s a turn off.



There’s too much domestic talk

There’s too much talk of which couch to buy, or what to put on the shopping list, or even your kid’s digestive issues. You have many roles: friend, lover, partner and even family. If you want to be seen more as a lover, you need to talk more like one.


 Sex is predictable

It comes at the same time every night, and you’re doing all the same things. Some men can’t be turned on if they know exactly what’s coming next. Switch it up.


Sex is followed by long talks

You feel the need to get into hour-long talks about life and the universe and your dreams every time you guys finish. And while your guy does appreciate a good conversation with you, he kinda wants to pass out after sex.


You’re not affectionate enough

To be honest, hopping up on him at night might not be enough to make him feel wanted. Most men need to receive affection from you throughout the day to really believe it when you grab their member in bed at night. Kiss him good morning, hug him when he’s cooking, sit on his lap while he’s watching TV. Men need momentum leading up to sex.


Too many sex scenes

You don’t need to have Adult Videos on replay in order for your man to feel intimidated by simulated sex. If you and your guy watch a lot of movies that simply have intense sex scenes, he could start to be insecure about how your sex life adds up, and give up all together. Throw your guy a bone and watch some action flicks or comedies—laughter is an aphrodisiac.


You’re coddling him

You’re constantly showing up at his office with a surprise lunch, buying him things, cleaning up his clothes and planning surprises for him. You’re making it impossible for him to keep up and meet you halfway with the generosity, and if a man feels he isn’t meeting you halfway, he doesn’t feel like a man. Let him be a provider—it turns him on.


You’re bossy in bed

You sound like a traffic control officer in bed. You think you’re being communicative; he thinks he can’t do anything right on his own. And he kind of feels like your dildo—did it ever occur to you he was happy in that position?


You’re drinking too much

You’re sipping one too many glasses of wine before bed, and that makes your advances not feel genuine to him. Plus, you’re getting sloppy in bed.

Source: Shutterstock

 You’re not listening to him

Men need someone to vent to, just as women do. If you try to change the subject every time your guy wants to tell you about his stresses, he’ll begin to feel distant from you. More importantly, he’ll feel you don’t care about his wellbeing and why would he want to pleasure a woman who doesn’t care about him?


You’ve let yourself go

It’s a harsh truth but many women don’t even realize that they gain weight, stop taking good care of their skin, and in general make less of an effort to look good after being in a relationship for a while. Physical attraction does matter, even when emotional attraction is strong.

Source: Shutterstock

Too much talk about his (lack of) work

You ask him too often how the job-hunt is going, or when he’ll get that promotion. A man’s identity and feeling of worth in the world is deeply tied to his career. If he’s falling short in some way, talking about that only makes him feel like less of a man.

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  • Roytulin

    Page 11. I disagree.

  • Chicken&WafflesERGABAHEIG

    Drew, stop trying to act like you know everything in a relationship. Seriously, a man that likes to stray is calling themselves an expert, please. If your that type of man that does not want to be in a strong and committed relationship with a woman, then go to your strip clubs and wank all you want in addition to hiring some prostitutes as well. If your that type, then every woman should be afraid of you. Go for the easy chicks but your missing out man

  • Lix Velvet

    This list doesn’t really give much insight into men and women improving their communication. Basically it’s similar to Cosmo where it’s all about the woman pandering to the “fragile” man to make him happy – this is old fashioned and unhelpful. Also I disagree strongly with the one about “giving them more affection” – most straight men hate affection and get annoyed if you try to give or get it……

    • Charles Davenport

      Thank you!!!!

      What kind of men/man is the author dealing with? The only things on this list worth while are 6, 7, and talking/cuddling after sex.. Even with those, it’s natural for most men to tire of sex with the same woman, especially if their in a long term relationship and are comfortable with that women sexually.

  • MsQTpie24

    This has to the the STUPIDEST most CONTRADICTORY article I’ve ever read on this site.

  • Meg

    Drew it sounds like you had a bitter situation with your gal. There are a number of reasons a guy may not want to have sex. Maybe switching things up or a little role playing would help titilate things in a relationship where boredom may be the strife. But that is not always the answer. Being supportive of each other and caring about each others true desires is the key to the locked box/trunk.

  • Sam

    “Maybe he was happy in that position”? I’m pretty sure it’s an even bigger turn off when the person isn’t enjoying themselves during sex because they are too afraid to communicate. This whole article was a little sexist if you ask me. It’s a HUGE turn off when a woman is too passive and a man whose emasculated from a woman taking control in the bedroom doesn’t sound like much of a man to me. Also “Let him be a provider” is buying in to ridiculous gender roles. I feel like that quote came from the 1960s. “Ladies, make sure you stay fit and trim for your man, let him take control in the bedroom, and have dinner waiting when he returns from work.” So this article is a little out of date…

  • June

    It’s strange that this article declares that we should not focus on our flaws/have confidence in our bodies yet “not let ourselves go.” If you like the way your body looks but your man doesn’t, break the hell up with him. There are plenty of real men out there who would never tell you that you let yourself go. I also don’t like that it clearly implies that it’s fine for the man to have a “beer belly” as long as we don’t acknowledge it too much.

    • MsS

      You must be fat. Her point was to keep yourself as you were when u met. Stands to reason if you were a size 10 when you met and now are a 18 maybe he likes smaller chicks. Same goes for dropping weight. Also some women loose confidence when they gain weight. That is a turn off. Loosing the weight aka getting yourself together builds YOUR confidence and turns him on

    • Sam


  • Brianna

    All of these honestly are stupid. I’m not sure what type of females you hangout with, or how many of these you learned from experience. If a guy isn’t having sex with you it’s coming from somewhere else, he honestly is tired, or you’re no fun in bed. Take on a new role, let him nap, or find someone with a better sex drive.

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  • Since when is having small breasts a flaw? Or why would you need to have a tinny little Barbie nose to be beautiful?? Advice #3 is terrible. You want people to be confident, but then call small boobs, a big nose flaws! Thanks a lot… NOT!

    • Julie

      I think the point was girls who are constantly beating themselves up for no reason… the whole point was that you should have confidence… even hanging around that type as friends can get annoying… the ‘o I’m going to keep saying I’m fat just to hear someone tell me Im not’ type… the article was just giving examples of what people see as flaws themselves and how their partner would begin to agree with them… I bet if I started complaining about how big my nose is all the time my bf would probably go from thinking its cute to thinking its a flaw

  • Drew

    I’ll give you “You’ve Let Yourself Go,” but not a single additional reason on that list would really make a man not want to have s3x. The real reason is pretty simple: After a while, having s3x with the same woman is just not very exciting.

    I once had a conversation with an older woman, and she asked what it was about men that made them stray. She brought up how fly Beyoncé is, and how it made no sense for anyone to cheat on her. I told her that Beyoncé was/is, indeed, a bad chick, but there’s only 1 thing she can’t do, or be: ANOTHER WOMAN. Sorry…

    • drew thats why you are std infected

      • Drew

        Bobby, stop trying to win up-votes from chicks; it’s annoying and juvenile. Women can see your corny a$$ coming a mile away — even on the internet. “Surprise.”

    • IMJSANYUmad

      now you are on to something

    • Harmone

      Drew, it sounds like you’ve YET to find someone that you truly feel a connection to, respect and love. The real reasons could be a combination of things (not listed in this RIDICULOUS and biased article), but not being another woman would not be one of them in a SERIOUS and HEALTHY relationship. At the end of the day, a guy who strays has no respect for his relationship nor HIMSELF. When one is truly with the right person, no amount of DIFFERENT pu$$y is worth straying for! There are diseases, unplanned pregnancy, and emotional obstacles that are IRREVERSIBLE. But only a mature MAN would understand that . . . . And MATURE MEN DO EXIST. . .

      • Drew

        Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

        Jesse Jackson.

        Bill Cosby.

        John F. Kennedy.

        Bill Clinton.

        David Letterman.

        Brett Farve.

        Now, this is merely off the top of my head, but these are all men who’ve strayed. I can see the relationship part, but are you REALLY telling me that they had no respect for themselves???

        Point: Drew

    • wh@tm@tters

      That’s ridiculous! Sounds like something an immature person would say. Are you with a person because you genuinely love, care for, respect them or are they just SomethingToDo until something/someone “better” comes along? How would you feel if your Lady became less loving to you because You were “just not very exciting” after a while? Or were not: ANOTHER MAN. NOT sorry…