Ask A Very Smart Brotha: He’s Done WIth HIs Fiancee Should I Give Him A Chance?

May 8, 2013  |  

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Teshia:
What do you do if you really like someone and they claim to like you but they stood you up twice..?

DY: Get the hint, and be on to the next one.

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Shutterstock

Ericka: How do you know when your man is cheating on you?

DY: When you catch him in the act of cheating. Other than that, there are no surefire tells. Anything could conceivably be explained away as something other than cheating. But, if you suspect that he’s cheating, you don’t trust him. And if you don’t trust him, regardless if he’s cheating or not, you don’t need to be with him. Yea, when there’s smoke there’s usually fire. But, sometimes the smoke is all that you need to see to know to get out .

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Karmen: How come some men will disrespect the one they’re with. Yet, when things go wrong after their gone, they find ways to come back? I love him but I don’t want that be used as a convenience to him. I don’t want my kindness to be manipulated as blindness.

DY: You just answered your own question. If you allow him back after treating you badly, what incentive does he have to change his behavior?

Source: Shutterstock.com

Source: Shutterstock.com

Day: Are men only inconsistent when they are not feeling a woman or is it a common behavior among males in general?

DY: When men are inconsistent, it’s usually a sign that he’s just not that into you.

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Shutterstock

Arielle: How many relationships have you been in? And are you single?

DY: Four. And, no.

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Shutterstock

Mizzaries: Once the trust is gone how do you gain it back?

DY: There’s no quick and easy solution for that. You just have to do it. It’s that simple. If you can’t do it, then you shouldn’t be together.

Source: Shutterstock

Source: Shutterstock

Kelle: How long should you take to assess proof of change in the character of your other half?

DY: I don’t believe in arbitrary time limits for things like that. I do believe, though, that (some) women spent too much time with one guy, waiting for a change that’ll never happen, instead of just being single and trying to find someone more compatible.

Source: Shutterstock

Source: Shutterstock

Carmen:  What’s the sure sign a man loves you without verbalizing it?

DY: The best tell in my opinion is time. If a man is doing everything he can to spend more time around you, to be around you in some way, it’s very likely that he’s completely into you.

 

"woman at the club PF"

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DVM: What is with men who buy you a drink at a nice lounge/bar ask for your number but then don’t follow through and call? Is it as simple as they just aren’t that into you? What’s the point of asking then?

DY: Sometimes you might be the 5th or 6th of 20 numbers received in a night. And yes, if there’s no call, it’s usually because he thought about it later and figured it wasn’t worth the effort. Don’t feel too bad about that, though. It happens to everyone (men and women).

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Shutterstock

Roxanna: When should a woman let go of her other “potentials” and focus on the main person who she is interested in? Even though you may not be to the point of exclusivity with a person, I get the feeling that guys get jealous when they find out that they’re not the only one vying for your attention.

DY: That’s a good question. I’d keep dating until I was sure that interest was reciprocated.

angry black woman pf

Alana: What’s the best way to handle his ex? He cheated on me a long time ago with her & now more than 6 yrs has passed since then but she is occasionally calling/texting him because the share 2 kids ages 18 & 19. The calls are about her missing him & she uses her kids as bait. We’ve been together 8 yrs now and are happy, but she stirs up trouble whenever she’s bored or sees us out. I want to beat her Down, but I’m Trying to be the bigger person & it’s not working! Help!!

DY: The problem isn’t her. It’s him. You need to let him know that he needs to limit their interaction or else you’re going to leave.

black woman confused
Rachell:
How should I handle this situation: Met a man; we ended up liking each other; casually dated on & off for a year (because we both were in & out of town); he gave me a key to his home; never had sex -my decision; found out that he had a fiancee; I didn’t talk for 2 years after that; now he wants me to forgive him for withholding it; said he didn’t know who he wanted til I left him. He caters to me but is it game or should I give him a chance?

DY: Sounds like last week’s episode of Scandal. I think you know the answer to your question already

Rachell: I need more than that. Re: Scandal, Fitz loves Olivia, albeit married. My friend dumped his fiancee. Oops, i left that out. So he wants to start over with me. Whatcha think?

DY: I think you should stay single for a while. Don’t cut him off, but don’t commit to anything either. Basically, feel him out to see how sincere he is

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  • SheBe

    I cant read his segment anymore. He even comes across as bored and tired of answering stupid questions. Where do these women come from? How old are they? I refuse to believe that a grown woman needs to ask someone these things. SMH @ how naive they are.

  • take responsibility for YOU

    great advice to the question in number 12…dude is dating you while he has a fiance, that aint good and that is black or white…he still has her p()ssy on his breath so i agree to just chill. you are probably still in the mindset you like him when in actuality you may not even like him romantically, just as a friend.

    I honestly would not advise you to date him. Guys who dated you but never slept with you always have that goal to “hit” because they always planned to. please dont let him succeed.

    i can see a guy from college that was interested in me…and its like it never goes away. guess you can think…BEST MAN WITH NIA LONG’S SITUATION

  • take responsibility for YOU

    This guy has some good advice its just easier said than done. A relationship is like a crutch, you have a best friend someone that has to do stuff with you and someone to sleep with. You lose them, you lose all that. But yea, it is time for me to move on from my current situation..HE WILL NOT CHANGE. And I just couldn’t seem to accept that until something tragic happened that put things in perspective.

    Just had this conversation yesterday. Women are generally more giving than men so will try to stick it out…but my advice to anyone younger than me is it is not worth it and times heals all.

    For the women wondering if he is in to you, don’t feel bad, I have wondered this also. But if you have to wonder then move on to focusing on yourself or the next guy. Because some guys like to create a sense of confusion of they like you but they are giving you the mixed signals. That is on purpose so you stay confused and stick around. Better to be confused and not around them if you ask me.

    Last thing, let the man lead or your relationship or dating will follow the same pattern of you leading everything and basically being the man, and ladies, that ain’t fun. You don’t want to be in a one sided relationship.

    • Nope

      “Women are generally more giving than men”

      “Because some guys like to create a sense of confusion of they like you but they are giving you the mixed signals.”

      These are both nice spisn but the reality is that a man doesn’t owe the average woman anything besides his mother, wife, and daughter. In a lot of cases we don’t deal because WE DON’T HAVE TO.

      • Nope

        spins

        • take responsibility for YOU

          what i said are not spins, they are truths

          women are more giving generally and some guys do like to create a sense of confusion

          no one owes anyone anything. but if you recognize an issue with your own people and are so vocal about it as a black man then i would think that you would want to help to improve black peoples situation as a whole.

          perhaps this is not the case?

          “These are both nice spisn but the reality is that a man doesn’t owe the
          average woman anything besides his mother, wife, and daughter. In a lot
          of cases we don’t deal because WE DON’T HAVE TO.”

          we dont help because we dont have to…really? no one has to help anyone yet people help others everyday because THEY CAN. and you dont lose anything by helping another along their path

          if you have something to offer, it would also serve you to offer it to those that are ready to receive it. it doesnt mean you have to stick around for the outcome and be emotionally involved in the whole situation

          hope you change your outlook eventually

  • Nope

    The questions in this series, even more than the other articles and responses on MN, always make it more clear to me how delusional a lot (most) of women really are.

    • take responsiblity for YOU

      What are you doing to help?

      Sounds like you might know some people that need some…