Hell Hath No Fury…! How Seeking Revenge Can Be Bad For You

April 27, 2013  |  


Revenge…they say it’s a dish best served cold. We’ve all wanted to get back at someone – especially an ex who has done us dirty. I’ve dreamt of ways to get back at a guy who cheated on me and you’d be surprised how creative one can be when motivated enough to seek revenge. But I’ve never actually gone through with it – mainly because the thoughts alone were satisfying enough and I quickly came to my senses and realized it wasn’t worth it. Plus, I didn’t want to catch a case.

But when I read articles about women busting windows out of cars, or renting billboards or taking out full page ads in magazines blasting their exes, I can’t help but think they’re a little bit cray cray. I’m sure some of you even have friends who air their dirty laundry on Facebook and Twitter, talking about what a lowdown dirty dog their ex-man is and how the sex was wack, he’s a two-minute brotha and hasn’t had a job since a job had him. They may think they’re getting him back by putting all his business on front street, but really what they’re doing is making themselves look foolish. If someone has done something terrible to you, seeking revenge may seem like a natural reaction, but here are a few reasons why plotting revenge may be a bad, bad idea.

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  • KG

    @maggie it sounds as if ur about to catch a case, don’t let any man jeopardize ur future. The revenge is to learn from the situation, become a better person, and just ignore his *ss.

    • maggie

      lol. It only happened once and it was 8 years ago. I just learned that my goodie two shoes behind was not beyond being pushed. I was young and didn’t know what ‘toxic’ people meant.

  • minerva

    as the old commercial said, “NEVER let them see you sweat!”

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  • Revenge is an irrational emotional response to people/circumstances that have done us wrong. With that being said, it feels good to give back what was done to you.

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  • SunshineBlossom

    As Madea says “God take too long sometimes I need them to get got right now…” Especially if he hurt me big time, everyone has that moment where they have done something to teach another person a lesson, I don’t think it’s always bad, as long as you let it go after. Think Diary of a Mad Black Woman. She basically beat his behind and then she was able to let go.

  • Reese

    I used to be pretty and try to get “revenge”. I just realized the best thing to do is to keep living and kill the people who’ve wronged with kindness.

  • FromUR2UB

    Glueing his private parts to his leg? Huh-huh-huh-huh! ( in my goofiest laugh).
    Well, that tells a whole story, doesn’t it? I can’t help but think that’s funny because men often get aroused if they’re touched anywhere NEAR there. So, if he’s asleep and feels that, initially he might think it’s a good thing….heeheehee!!
    No, don’t (snerk, snerk) do it.

    • lulu

      lol imagine a man glued his cheating girls vagina… not so funny then. ijs

  • maggie

    If revenge is a dish best served cold then that means the woman (in this case) should have it well planned out so that they cover as many bases as possible. I agree with most of the negative consequences here but if someone gets pushed into a corner, it is inconceivable to tell that person how to act, think in that corner. No one is beyond being pushed! Too many a**holes find comfort in the woman ‘taking the high road’ because they know they are not getting anything back. If every man got a little taste of get-back, the quantity of their BS would significantly slow down.

    • ms. g

      agreed! sometimes you just gotta make ’em feel it.

      • 1Val

        Disagree. The best way to make a man ” feel it” is to behaved as if he and the relationship meant nothing to you. Women must not validate men who have invalidate them.

        By ignoring a man who supposedly rejected/dumped you will make him question his sexual prowess, doubt relationship’s value to you as well as humble him since you are not engaging in theatrics to get his attention. He will crawl back begging faster than psoriasis. Patience and time are the best revenge tactics women can use to spite an ex lover.

        • Senait Ashenafi

          Preach. These losers hate it when you don’t care about them anymore..Lol.

        • maggie

          That doesn’t work if they didn’t give a worthless penny about you. Some guys really, truly honestly do not care about you. Many times when a guy comes ‘crawling back’ he wants to see if he still has that power over you, if he can still get some or both. That is what women don’t understand–these displays of repentance mean nothing most of the time. Many times it is an act. Only a small percentage of men are actually genuine when they are ‘crawling back.’

          • DeepThinker

            Not necessarily true. Most men in those situations don’t care about the woman, BUT their ego needs to prove that they can still have their way if they CHOOSE to. They come crawling back if the woman is not confirming that she still desires him and that present a challenge to chase what he is not sure he can still get whether he wants it or not.

          • 1Val

            Male ego will and often does lead men back to women they rejected especially when those women go “cold turkey” i.e. no contact and living their lives as if they never met. IMO, once a relationship is over it is over. Women’s hearts and beds should not be revolving doors for men who have misused the privilege of being in their lives.

        • RealTalk

          Ok, but what does that do for you? “I’m gonna walk around and deny that I loved you, so that you come running back to me asking to have me back?” Ok, so you’re in denial/hiding… That also falls under the category of “games”.

          • 1Val

            Its not denial or hiding it is acceptance that not all relationships were meant to last. It is confidence knowing that you can and will do better in next relationship. It is self respect not allowing someone to mistreat you just to be in their lives. It is not making a man more important than a woman is to herself. Most importantly it is not about the man at all.

            In the grand scheme of a woman’s life, some men are merely footnotes not chapters. It falls under the category of self love not wanting, needing, loving and desiring a partner who does not feel the same about you.

        • DeepThinker


    • Beloved

      Excellence is the best revenge, PERIOD. Take the time and invest in YOU!

      • maggie

        you can excel all you want. Some men do not care or love you like that anyway. Sounds harsh but it is true. You just have to find the man that won’t take their ‘mistakes’ that far in the first place.

        • RealTalk

          maggie, why do they call them “mistakes”? Why do they always say “I didn’t know?” that’s what i don’t understand… it’s like we were both present when you saw me cry, or when i told you “what you’re doing hurts”, why does it have to come to violence and men losing everything for them to understand what they did wrong?

          • maggie

            ‘Mistakes’ meaning the guy was on purpose and selfishly extra disrespectful to female in the relationship. We don’t have to sugarcoat. I put the words mistakes in apostrophes to be sarcastic. A woman doesn’t have to be violent but men shouldn’t think that they get an eternal free pass in wrong-doing. Men have to understand they are not above reaping what they have sown, whether its pretty or not.

    • REalTalk

      I agree. I don’t think “taking the high road” makes you better. The only think i can say is that it makes you LOOK better… and that’s genuinely relative. It doesn’t mean you’ll never date again, it doesn’t mean you won’t get past it. People will talk for a little while, but they probably talked about you anyway during the time u were happily together.

    • DeepThinker

      I understand where you come from and I have even sought vengence on people that mistreated me, but it really did not make me feel better for long. Lots of time it backfired. Even though they may have experienced a temporary inconvienance it still did not disrupt their life in such a way that it would influence them to behave better. Only thing I got out of this was exhaustion and weakness from not being able to control another person through my actions. Venegence is trying to control the outcome in your favor, but what it really means is that you are so weak, that you are allowing their behavior to control yours. Resisting the urge for payback not only shows your strength but you look better too. A person’s own karma is way worse than anything a hurt person can ever do.

      • maggie

        I am not talking about carrying out revenge on every person who does you wrong. I think that is weak. My comment is referring to when a person gets so pushed that you get out of character (meaning you couldn’t believe yourself you acted that way) and commit revenge.

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  • Ms. Kameria

    The best revenge is doing well, living and letting others live…..as well as karma.

    • ATLQT

      Yep because people who mistreat others usually have a pattern of doing so and it all eventually catches up with them even if you aren’t around to see it. I am not going to put my life, soul, freedom, and mental health in jeopardy worrying about someone else’s lack of character.