Don’t Be Ashamed! Embarrassing Things That Happen To Everyone In Bed
As suave as you and your partner(s) surely are, everybody’s been subject to some mood-ruining moments in the bedroom. Just know that you’re not alone.
A little indigestion
The acrobatic lovers are especially prone to this. With a lot of bouncing around, rolling around and being upside down, things, well, move around — and often the body’s way of dealing with pressure or turbulence is releasing gas. Hopefully if you’re loud enough in bed, nobody will notice.
Missed a day shaving
You absolutely were not planning on having sex tonight but life had other things in mind for you. And now your partner (or…a new guy! Yikes!) is subject to a forest. If it’s a new guy, just tell him you missed a few days grooming so he knows you aren’t always like that.
Failure to launch
He can’t get it up, or you fail to become lubricated. Either way, you’re both totally into it…but your bodies aren’t. If the problem is on your end, keep lubricant around. If it’s on his, try briefly to help him in other ways. But if he simply can’t get an erection this time around, a drawn out attempt will only make him feel more embarrassed.
Alcohol is often involved when sex happens. Even worse, sometimes a night all about indulgences happened with pre-dinner wine, cocktails at the restaurant, heavy food and dessert. And while the high from breaking your diet got you both hot and heavy, cardio isn’t the greatest activity on a full stomach. Try to keep positions simple, or keep a trash can near by…
We’ve all been there, so drunk or just so tired that we are delusional. We feel at once very turned on, but at once like we could pass out if given the chance. And then our partner makes a quick run to the bathroom and….game over. We’re passed out, drooling, lacey bra half undone.
Screaming the wrong name
This does not necessarily mean you still yearn for the person who’s named you belted out. But it will still certainly ruin the mood, and you better have a story (real or made up) as to why that individual was on your mind that day.
Dropping the “L bomb”
Saying, “I love you” in the middle of passionate lovemaking can be the greatest thing if the feeling is mutual, or it can stop everything dead in its tracks. If a man does not love you in return and you drop the L bomb mid-sex, he’ll usually be forced to stop. Continuing would only give you the wrong impression.
This is a sex injury. In the midst of passion, sometimes the good feelings happening in our body can outweigh the bad ones. Until we try a different position and realize our neck is frozen stiff or our back has been thrown out.
Getting caught grooming
Grooming is not an attractive act. Legs spread, foot up on the counter—however you do it, the process of becoming attractive usually isn’t attractive. But since grooming often takes place in the shower, and men often have the smart idea of surprising you and getting in there with you, you’re bound to be caught one of these days.
Giving an unintentional show
One of these days, you’re going to forget somebody was coming over—or someone is going to pay you a surprise visit—you won’t hear the doorbell either because you’re screaming in fits of ecstasy, or because they just let themselves in, and somebody will get a lot of skin in their face.
Bad sex followed by bad timing
You attempt a nice quicky before one or both of you have to run off somewhere, one of you fails to perform, and you can’t even wrap up with some cuddling or consoling words. You just have to cold-heartedly (and cold bodied) walk off.
The “time of the month” comes at a bad time
By a certain age, men shouldn’t be so traumatized by this happening to their partners. But, it will to some extent always be embarrassing for us. It’s a complete mental switch: our lady part goes in an instant from being an object of pleasure, to an object of reproduction. And nobody wants to think about that mid-sex.
Pungent down under
You think a romp will be hot when you’re both sweaty after a jog, but sweat remains stagnant in some parts of our bodies. And since those particular parts already have their own odd odors, a post-workout roll in the sheets can lead to both of you coming up early plugging your noses.
Your fantasy denied
You suggest something kinky, right as you’re both into the moment, and your partner rejects it, often pretending he is suddenly sleepy. You feel like a freak, and he feels embarrassed that he wasn’t game.