Is He The One? Traits That Make A Man Husband Material

April 23, 2013  |  
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What makes a good husband? While the answer isn’t going to be identical for everyone, there are definitely some traits that you’ll want to find in the man that you ultimately married. Though your husband may not be the cookie-cutter man, some traits are a must-have when it comes time to dedicate yourself to one single man, here are 14 of those non-negotiables.

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A good listener

By nature, men aren’t the best listeners. Instead, they tend to be more focused on fixing problems as opposed to trying to understand them. While it’s nice to have a man who wants to fix your issues, it’s even nicer to have one who is willing to listen and lend an ear when something is going wrong. A man who can listen and understand is definitely worth keeping around.

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A good communicator

In combination with a good listener, you also want a man who is a good communicator. Men aren’t always in touch with their emotions, so it can be hard to find one who is willing to talk and communicate about any problems or concerns that he has. Communication is important in any relationship so make sure that the man you marry is in touch with his emotions so that down the road communication problems aren’t a relationship breaker.

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A provider

A man with a good job, a set career path, and a steady income is definitely worthwhile. You want to be with a man who will be able to provide for you, and while you shouldn’t expect him to buy you everything under the sun and pay all of your bills, he should be able to provide for himself and help you along the way if necessary.

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A protector

What woman doesn’t want a guy she can count on to protect her? The man you marry should be one who you can depend on to protect you from any outside forces that may harm you. While he doesn’t have to carry a gun or some other weapon, you’ll want to know that deep down if anything were to ever happen to you, he’d be right there to help.

A semi-handy man

So you don’t need a man who can build a house from scratch, but it’s nice to have a guy who is somewhat handy. If something breaks around the house or if something goes wrong with your car, it’s nice to know that your man will hopefully be able to lend a helping hand. A handy-man will really go a long way.

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Family oriented

Before you marry a man and start a family with him, it’s nice to know that he has a good familial foundation and values that. Does he spend time with his family? Is he always offering to help your family if they need it? A man who is already family-oriented is bound to make a good dad and family member.

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Faithfulness

When you get married, you vow to stay faithful to your partner, but faithfulness should start long before your walk down the aisle. Find a man who is faithful, loyal, and committed to no one but you long before you say “I Do”. Finding a man who is truly in it for the long run is bound to ease any worries or fears of unfaithfulness that you may have.

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Sensitivity

A sensitive man doesn’t mean that your husband has to cry at lovey dovey chick flick movies but instead a man who is sensitive enough to understand your emotions, acknowledge him, and communicate as much as necessary. A man with a chip on his shoulder isn’t likely to be very sensitive. Marry a man who has let down his guard and is willing to be sensitive to you and himself.

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Adaptable

Life is full of unexpected twists, turns, and bumps in the road. Change is bound to happen and since change cannot be avoided, it’s important to find a man who is able to adapt. When life throws you lemons, you want to be with a man who is willing to make lemonade with you. A man who easily adapts to new scenarios will help you make it through the most unexpected curveballs that are thrown to you.

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Trustworthy

Find a man who refuses to lie to you, even the smallest white lie. It’s hard to trust a man after he has lied to you and unless you’re willing to fully forgive him, it’ll be hard to forget his betrayal. Marry a man who you can trust inside and out 100%. You don’t want to go through a marriage doubting each and every word he says.

A man who practices humility

Most men don’t want to admit when they’re wrong, so it’s nice to find one who isn’t so arrogant and instead practices a bit of humility. It’s much more admirable to find a man who can admit his wrongdoings, which in the end prevents plenty of arguments. This will make any marriage easier.

Confident

There’s a fine line between cocky and confident, and when it comes to finding a husband, you want one who is more in the confident category. A man who is confident in public is able to handle random life situations. A confident man is bound to be secure in himself as well as in his relationship. A man who is truly confident will show this trait no matter where he is: at home, in the office, or out in public.

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Able to make you laugh

Laughing is the best medicine, not only when you’re sick or down, but when your relationship/marriage hits a snag. Having a man that can make you laugh is one of the best ways to repair a relationship as well as to keep the relationship fun and youthful. Having inside jokes and laughing at each other for hours on end is bound to make for a great marriage.

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Down to earth

No one wants a man that lives with his head up in the clouds. Having a husband who is down to earth can help eliminate a lot of problems in the future. A down to earth man is more likely to be level-headed and a clear thinker. A down to earth guy is bound to be more understanding, more realistic, and more reliable when it comes to a marriage and long-term commitment.

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Responsible

A man should not only be responsible, but he should take responsibility if necessary. While a husband typically defines a man who is married, the dictionary also defines a husband as being a manager. A manager, someone who takes the lead, is someone who needs to be responsible and willing to be a leader. A responsible man is not only going to make a good husband, but a good father.

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  • Bumbling Black Man

    This slideshow is just another drawn out way of saying “go with a ‘nice guy’.” With the exception of some confidence, most genuinely nice guys (that I know of) possess all of these “desirable” qualities, or at least willing to acquire them, but time after time, they’re deemed “too nice” or “too soft” or “boring/lame” by our lovely sistas.

    I’ve run into guys that would send a woman flowers, call to check on her/tell her she was beautiful regularly, took her to nice places, listened to/cared about her problems, was faithful to her, was rising through his goals/career, AND sometimes even tried to be good to the woman’s child, and the woman is STILL like “Naa, I need a real man…”, and runs back to that disrespectful n*gga on the street corner with no ambition. Why SOME good women chase these rejects is probably the same reason SOME nice guys pursue women that don’t deserve their love; one of the world’s mysteries I guess. Today’s relationships/marriages are a mess (especially within our black community), but we have to keep the faith that we’ll do better… someday….

    • ksmall

      you’re totally right. tho i’m married, most of my girls aren’t. and i hear them saying dumb stuff about guys that seem like good dudes like “he’s too short.” or “he’s not that cute.” but he’s sending them flowers to the office trying to get a lunch date. and the dude that is triflin is the one they keep giving 5th and 6th chances to. it baffles me as well, and i started callin them out about it so they sound SO stupid, and shallow, and lame saying that they won’t go out with a guy b/c of something superficial when the man is clearly the type of guy many women dream of having for themselves, but don’t know how to act when they meet him.

      • i_stan_4_no_one

        i see what you’re saying, but if the guy didn’t think you’re friend was that cute he probably wouldn’t be sending her the flowers. heck in my experience, men won’t even approach unless they are physically attracted to me. they don’t think, “hmmm she’s not that cute, but I’ll giver her a chance” NO. if he doesn’t like what you look like he’s for the most part not going to give you a chance.

        i’m not saying that it justifies your friend’s behavior but i think when men are shallow it should be called out as well. instead its just accepted that men are visual creatures so of course they will usually judge and initiate based on looks while women should look past looks. its a double standard.

        • ksmall

          i hear u, but the guy was average not ugly. and had a lot going for him. i felt like should’ve at least gone to lunch or dinner with the man. he may have had a lot more to offer than she realized but she wouldn’t find out. if she’d gone out once and still wasn’t feelin him then i wouldn’t say she should force herself to spend time with him but at least give him a chance. and as for men and women being about the physical, i’m not mad at folks on either end for wanting someone they find physically attractive. the problem becomes when u start overlooking other important qualities solely b/c ur placing too much importance on the physical. Men get caught up the same way women do in that regard, and it doesn’t pay off. case and point, my girl is STILL single, lonely, and wishing she had a man and a family, and i can think of at least a couple of potentially good dudes that she wrote off on some shallow stuff and never got to know them. i’m sure a least one of them made some other woman happy.

    • Adrina

      Agreed. I know women like this and have the audacity to complain about his behavior. The same for men. I’m all about the nice guy because years from now, I can say that he was actually a man who took care of his family and did what GOD expected of him, not just me.

  • Akiko

    This list is based on a bunch of stereotypes and socialized behaviors.

  • um what about #17: a mean d*ck game. A man who knows your body. not trying to be a perv, but it’s true. If Im’a marry a dude he better know how to put it down. IJS. Madame, ur sleeping lol

    • ksmall

      lack of “#17” is why a lot of marriages are “unhappy.” lol. if folks acknowledged that a little more the percentage of successfully married couples might be a lot higher!

      • pretty1908

        you can show someone how to pleasure you..it isn’t hard if you truly care for him and want to spend the rest of your life with him…im just saying

        • ksmall

          you should certainly try to show him if he doesn’t already get it, but everyone isn’t a good learner, and everyone doesn’t have the right “equipment” to start with (lol). there is also the little issue of chemistry. you can enjoy dating/spending time with someone and not have strong sexual chemistry, and that isn’t something you can teach or manufacture. i think all too often ppl, esp women, look for the safe qualities in a man and put those above their own need to feel something that goes a step further. is good sex more important that any of these other qualities listed? of course not, but it is more important than a lot of folks give credit. u can love and want to spend the rest of your life with someone, but if you can’t get that part in the bedroom right it’s only a matter of time before things fall apart.

          • omg you just explained that better than I ever could in life lol

          • am

            I think you are so right. Sex is important I recently reconnected with this man I dated 17 years ago and we still have that same sexual chemistry that we had years ago the same chemistry that caused me to run from him. Although we did not have a sexual relationship then I wouldn’t give in to him because I was young and I knew he would be too much for me. But now that we have reconnected it has been on every since then and he really is all that I have ever wanted. Yes the sex is off the hook like I knew it would be and I was ready this time. LOL!

            • ksmall

              it must be real if it’s been 17 years and it’s still there girl! hahaha.

    • Nope

      “A man who knows your body.”

      Most women don’t even know their own bodies very well. Hell, most women are wearing the wrong damn bra size and that seems pretty basic to me.

      • Ladybug94

        LOL.. I usually don’t agree with you but that was a good one and true.lol

  • oh ok…

    My man is all of these except for one…
    Im thankful he at least is trying to be a better man for our relationship 🙂

  • blackwomenwhitemendatingcom
  • KourageousTigerII’s

    Great information!

  • TRUTH IS

    Great list

  • Abbas Abbakar

    I am married (happily married) but I don’t have all the traits listed in this article!

    • TRUTH IS

      Lol…..poor she

    • oh ok…

      I think as long as you’re trying to be a good husband and man in general then…great.
      And vice versa…

      • Akiko

        “I think as long as you are being a good person and husband, then that should do” sounds a lot better.

        I don’t understand this whole thing of labeling people as either a ‘good woman’ or ‘good man’.

    • ksmall

      i don’t think they’re saying u need to have all of them to be a good husband lol. i read it as them just trying to give some tips for what to look for given that too many women are out here pressed about shallow stuff like how tall a man is :). much of it is intuitive and like the article said “non-negotiable.” e.g. “family-oriented” (if u want kids that’s important), or “faithful” (well, why get married if u can’t handle that one right?). but if you’re not “sensitive,” for example, i don’t think the premise is that you’re a bad husband. if you’re HAPPILY married you’re probably hitting on many of these and then some, especially since much of this list is very surface.

    • Nope

      Same here. I think most of the items listed are an ongoing process, not a destination. It’s about developing these things WITH the other person, not coming into the relationship with them as a ready-made template.