Jumping Back in the Sack? The Pros and Cons Of Rebound Hook Ups

14 comments
April 21, 2013 ‐ By Brooke Dean

Normally I’d advise my girlfriends to be careful about jumping in to a new relationship right after a breakup. Rebound relationships rarely last because you’re normally vulnerable and raw, and hooking up with someone right after heartbreak can be a destructive way of dealing with the pain. In the end, there will likely be more hurt and confusion.

But for some, while getting into a rebound relationship may not be the smartest move post break-up, rebound sex is something completely different. Taking time to heal after a breakup makes sense, but does that mean that you should abstain from sex while you’re still processing what just happened with the last serious relationship? My cautious self says stay away from having casual sex until you’re completely ready to love again, but my realistic self says that people have needs and rebound sex may be just the thing to push you over the edge and move on.

Not sure if rebound sex is a good move? Consider these pros and cons before jumping back in the sack.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=780624733 Jon K. Wright

    In other words, don’t be easy.

    Never understood why people feel they HAVE to be in relationships, or that sex with someone else solves your ex-issues.

  • Sharon

    Brooke, this is the quickest way for somebody to physically get cut, shot,hurt, more babies being born, child support headaches for some of these guys, and AIDS and other dieseases to spread if they don’t protect themselves. This is not a good idea to have or play rebound sex, to me I think you are really playing with people’s feelings. These are the real pros and cons about playing rebound sex. People should not engage in it. In some cases, they are playing with fire and somebody will eventually get burned.

    • Lucy

      Where in this article did she suggest that people should have UNPROTECTED rebound sex. I think she even stated that as long as it’s practiced safely, then a woman can do as she pleases when she feels she’s ready. The article said pros AND CONS, not that it was all good. She clearly said that it’s not for everyone. I don’t see how anyone can get cut or shot from having rebound sex unless they’re already psycho. I think you may have be reaching on this one…a bit drastic.

  • Lauren S. Clark

    Masturbate.

    • Lauren S. Clark

      And stay single.

    • hollyw

      Lmbo that’s what I’m say, keep ya legs close to everybody but yaself! At least until you get yourself right.

  • hollyw

    I’m sorry, but this is horrible advice. I really think it is. I was more in agreement w/ MN on the casual relationship article than I was w/ rebound sex, only b/c, if a single woman is emotionally stable, there’s a degree of success w/ it; however, NO ONE, esp. including a newly single woman just broken up w/, is going to be emotionally stable enough to pull off casual sex/relationship. The chances are too high for the first con, i.e. attachment, let alone all the others, i.e. feeling degraded/it being awkward (b/c you’re not as familiar, sexually)/freaking him out/’new love’, which is really just you both probably damaged frm a past relationship and seeking comfort.

    It’s one thing if it’s been 3+ months since the break-up, you feel ready for new relationships, and may want to start off w/ more casual acquaintances, but to specifically delve into casual sex to satisfy “a need”, and a couple weeks after the split…um no. The highest need (and biggest strength) is a woman’s emotional/mental stability. I repeat, poor advice.

    • Courtney

      maybe you should re-read it – because there are pros AND CONS, and all the reasons you listed above were the CONS, which the author stated. There are some women who can handle sex but not a relationship and there are women out there who know the difference between the two. And I believe she said if it’s been three months or less, she’s probably not ready if she can’t separate love and sex, so you basically just said the same thing she said. Not all women are the same and not all women are these incredibly fragile women who can’t handle sex after a breakup. Sex is sex, love is love, and yes, there are women out there who actually can distinguish between the two.

      • hollyw

        I think you should re-read my post. I’m aware that I mentioned some Cons (technically one, as the others I thought were cons for diff. reasons); my point was that I thought the Cons outweighed the Pros…one of which, I thought was actually a Con in disguise.

        As I also mentioned, my argument wasn’t about women in gen’l not being able to distinguish sex and love, as this convo has already been over-done in another MN article, but that rebound sex as a specific kind of casual sex was not a good idea for most people, esp. women. While I think a significant number of women are capable of one, I don’t think any substantial amt or capable of the other. I actually think it’s true of both sexes, but if it’s only 5% for men, then it’d be 0.01% for women.

        I don’t believe I painted women as “incredibly fragile”, but in fact, the opposite, as the gender with the stronger emotional intelligence and strength, but I do see rebound sex as one of the destructive behaviors we all engage in w/o putting much thought into it. If you disagree, that’s fine.

        • Courtney

          so basically you just said what she said…even though you said it was horrible advice. She just listed pros and cons, she didn’t tell anyone what to do. She clearly said some women were capable and some weren’t. It’s up to the woman to decide where she falls in this scenario. So all you did was state the same thing she said, just in a different, but more judgmental way.

          • hollyw

            Smh, you obviously did not follow what I said, otherwise you would not be saying “you’re saying what I said, which is what she said”.

    • Lucy

      “only b/c, if a single woman is emotionally stable, there’s a degree of
      success w/ it; however, NO ONE, esp. including a newly single woman just
      broken up w/, is going to be emotionally stable enough to pull off
      casual sex/relationship. The chances are too high for the first con,
      i.e. attachment, let alone all the others, i.e. feeling degraded/it
      being awkward (b/c you’re not as familiar, sexually)/freaking him
      out/’new love’, which is really just you both probably damaged frm a
      past relationship and seeking comfort.”

      Umm…all of this falls under her “CONS” list…so how is what she wrote horrible advice. It’s not even advice, it’s a list – and one can do what they want with it.

      “It’s one thing if it’s been 3+ months since the break-up, you feel ready
      for new relationships, and may want to start off w/ more casual
      acquaintances,”

      Umm…again, the author also suggested that if it’s been less than three months, rebound sex may not be a good idea. Basically, all you did was agree with her CONS list but then tell her she gave poor advice…even though she didn’t advise anyone to do anything. This could have been a list on the pros and cons of investing in the stock market. There’s a risk to it all, some people win, some people lose. But no where in this article did she tell people what they should do – which is what giving advice is. She simply listed the pros and cons and let us decide. This isn’t poor advice, it’s just a list.

      • hollyw

        Well, I obviously disagree, for the reasons I already mentioned, but if you love it, hun, then you can easily write your reasons, as I did, as to why you think it’s great, independent of my statement. I’m sorry, but at the end of the day, I really just don’t think it’s that serious.