Am I Wrong For Wanting To Leave My Ill Husband?

April 12, 2013  |  

From Essence

Dear Dr. Sherry,

I am a 49-year-old woman who has been married for 28 years. I have devoted my life to my husband and my daughter. The moon rose and set on the two of them, and I had great faith in my husband and believed everything he told me as gospel until about five years ago. My husband had a 2-year relationship that almost tore our marriage apart. I asked him to leave and he move out. After three months, he said he had made a mistake and we reconciled. Fast forward to after the affair. I began to analyze myself. I had really neglected myself, to the point, I had gained weight, neglected to finish school and stop going out with my friends because as I was just too busy with my family. I gave up all my power as a woman to my husband. It was not his fault.

In 2011, I decided I needed a change. I had gastric bypass surgery and I’ve lost almost 70 pounds so far. I enrolled in college at my job and I’m almost finished and looking forward to my new career. I have also made new friends and go out at least once a week. I am having the time of my life! However, there are problems: My husband has been extremely resistant to my changes, I know he does not like it, and at this point his opinion no longer matters. Dr. Sherry, for the past three years my husband has been in the hospital because he refuses to take care of himself. He has a host of illnesses; diabetes, HTN, eye-problems, hearing problems etc., which all came about after the affair. Just recently, he lost his job, and then, for no apparent reason, stopped taking all of his meds. Last Thanksgiving he had a mild stroke, and my husband is only 52 years old. Also because of my husband’s last stint in the hospital and job loss, we are now behind in the mortgage payments and in foreclosure.

My husband is recovering from the stroke and has found a full-time job. We are now negotiating with the mortgage company. I’m tired and at the end of my rope. I’m tired of always having to run behind him and to put out the fires. My daughter is going off to college, and I no longer want to be married. I refuse to leave because he needs me, since he is still recovering from the stroke. Please help. What do I do? I love my husband, but I don’t think I’m in love with him anymore.


Don’t Know What to Do

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