Dumb Ways People Try To Salvage Relationships
Breaking up is hard to do, which could be why people will try anything to avoid it —-things that, if they were on the outside looking in, would look pretty petty. But you can’t slap a band aid on a broken arm. And you can’t fix a relationship that is broken at its core with any of these attempts.
Take a break
The only thing that results from breaks is forgetting all the bad things about the relationship (and therein, not doing any mental work to see how to fix them), and pining after the good things so much, that when the break is over, you are ecstatic to see your partner. So ecstatic, that your hopes are shattered when you quickly realize all the same problems are still there. They only felt gone, because the person was gone. If you can’t work through it together, you can’t work through it.
Have an open relationship
Somewhere, someone started the idea that having an open relationship helps two people have a new-found appreciate for one another. What actually happens is it incites extreme jealousy, game playing, and resentment that can never be overcome when each person realizes later that, essentially, they were just unfaithful, but with permission.
Have a threesome
You think this will spice things up and grow appreciation for one another’s kinky sides. But in reality, while it may be fun for a moment (if jealousy and discomfort doesn’t ruin everything), it leaves a terrible aftertaste and you both now have recent and vivid imagery of the other person being sexual with somebody else.
See a couples counselor
Couples counselors have their place in relationships—no doubt. But realistically, if you’ve been with someone for less than three years—you have no kids, no shared finances, and probably don’t live together—and you already need to see a couples counselor, sorry but, you’re just doomed.
Just have sex
Instead of talking things out, you decide to cover up your problems with sex. Anytime tension comes up, you jump into bed. And while sometimes in life this is refreshing and a great way to remind yourselves that you love each other, if you’re doing this every time, tensions are bound to blow up soon.
Make huge sacrifices
Give up your jobs to spend more time together, practically stop seeing your friends so you can be together more, give up a hobby or passion, totally change the way you dress or speak—these are all things people have done in the name of love, telling themselves that, “Love is about compromise.” Okay, yes, compromise. But it’s not about losing yourself, and if the sacrifice is too big, that’s exactly what happens. And sooner or later, you’re miserable and resentful of your partner.
Make no sacrifices
Instead of making sacrifices some couples try this: completely delving into their own individual, respective lives thinking, “If I work on myself, we as a couple will be happier.” And while there is a lot of truth in that, you need to be able to work on yourself with a partner. If you need to completely remove yourself from that person to make yourself happier, that’s a major red flag.
Move in together
Often when a couple struggles to spend enough time together, or feel their lives are separate, they come up with the solution to move in together. But the truth is, if you really love someone and are at a place in your life where you’re ready to make compromises and be generous, you shouldn’t be having trouble finding the time for one another! Moving in together often ends up creating more distance, as you become essentially roommates.
Get a puppy
Some couples decide to throw all their energy into a joint project or responsibility in order to save their relationship. And for many couples, that project is a puppy. But whatever issues a couple already had become magnified when that couple shares a responsibility. Issues of communication, compromise, accountability, being considerate—just about anything—come out tenfold when two people have to take care of a living thing.
When a couple is really not ready to face the music and acknowledge they’re a bad match, instead they’ll make a grand gesture to try and force themselves — and their friends and families — to view their relationship as a solid one. And a quick marriage is a great way to do this. Until eventually the excitement of planning, the actual wedding, and the honeymoon wear off and you realize you’re still just in a relationship with that same old person you were fighting with, except now you have the added stress of shared finances.
Refer to the get-a-puppy-plan, and multiply that by 1,000. It is, at its base, a very selfish thing when a couple intentionally gets pregnant, all to ignore their issues and avoid the reality that they’re a bad match. Everyone suffers, including a helpless baby (who by the way will grow up to be a walking, talking person) who was really just an experiment for this struggling couple.
Say absolutely everything on your minds
Some couples sit down and say, “Okay. Let’s talk this out and tell one another absolutely every thing that has been on our minds. Complete honesty and openness.” But…there’s something to be said for tact, and white lies. Saying everything on your minds is not something you can take back, and you usually end up hating the person!
Throw money at it
Your communication is awful, you’re not compatible, and chemistry is non-existent. But what never fails to at least simulate the illusion of chemistry and compatibility for a moment? Gifts! Gifts, gifts and more gifts! Everybody watching will think you’re a couple madly in love. But eventually you realize you’re just unhappy, and you resent those gifts.
Go on a trip
And finally, some couples literally run away from their problems, to the Bahamas or on a ski trip. And in this place, they seem to re-kindle their passion. Except for one problem: everybody feels in love on vacation. There is not a single thing around to bring out your issues. That’s not love: that’s a vacation high. And the second you get back to your real lives, that high dies off and you once again can’t stand each other.