Bad Girl Gone Good: Am I Reaping What I Sowed In My Past Relationships?

9 Comments
April 2, 2013 ‐ By Erica R. Williams

Lately my luck with men has been…well, unlucky. It seems as if winning the Powerball might be more likely for me than finding a man that I like who actually likes and respects me in return. Recently I’ve been feeling as if no one deserves all this bad luck with dating, or do they?

While I consider myself an honest person who prides myself on treating others the way I’d like to be treated, I wasn’t always this stand-up girl when it came to relationships. I’ve been nice to bad guys and sometimes bad to the nice guys. I’ve exaggerated the truth when it came to my feelings and even justified my behavior based on the “typical man” stereotype.

Nope. I have not always been a good woman. I was once a girl who thought selfishly, sometimes said what I thought a man wanted to hear, and even lied about my whereabouts due to shady activity. Yes, I’ve done what it seems many of the guys I’m currently meeting, are now doing to me; and now when I’m ready to settle down because I’ve matured, it seems many men have been tainted by women like I used to be or are simply no good and using that “I’m scarred” excuse to cover up their irresponsible behavior. I couldn’t help but to think that maybe, just maybe, I am reaping what I sowed in some of my past relationships.

It’s easy to forget things you’ve done in your past if they haven’t required any type of corporal punishment. After all, I’ve never stolen anything from a man, killed him or destroyed his property; but I have done my fair share of destroying feelings, never intentionally, but haphazardly due to my selfishness.

Now as a serious girl who is beyond conscious of the things I say and do to men who express interest in me, I’m having a difficult time dating. If he’s a compulsive liar, I’m meeting him. If he has decided to put his job over his relationships, I’m dating him. Or if he’s in a relationship and conveniently forgot to mention it, I actually liked him.

Besides my ‘reaping what I sow’ theory, it could possibly be that I’m getting older and much more serious about who I spend my time dating.  Years ago I met a lot of not so good guys, but maybe I didn’t care as much because I was younger. Now, a few years older and wiser, I only hope that a serious relationship is in the cards for me.

It’s said that every action has a reaction; but it never said when that reaction would occur. So it is possible that my bad girlfriend behavior from years ago is finally catching up to me. Maybe, I’m over-analyzing my bleak past-six-months dating situation. Or maybe my theory is right on the money. Either way, in life you learn to take the good with the bad and the same applies to dating.

I can only hope that my streak of bad dating luck will soon be over, or if it’s all about me reaping what I’ve sowed, that I’ll have learned my lesson soon. This serious woman eventually hopes to get in a serious relationship. But for now, I’ll take it all with a grain of salt. After all, for a woman to eventually find her prince, she definitely has to kiss a few toads.

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  • leilue

    I definitely feel your pain. I think that this is just a matter of making the adjustment to actually looking for a great guy. It may very well be that in making that transition that things may seem a bit strange and new; knowing that you are no longer looking in that direction now. If you have always looked for ‘bad guys’ then identifying someone good has yet to become a mastery!

    Good Luck!

  • 30thoughts

    I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being selfish at some point in life. For fear of being considered selfish, women give men far too many chances, and give men chances that really never deserved a chance in the first place.

    Everyone was young once and passed up on some good guys or good girls. It’s all about TIMING, and soon you will align yourself with a man who wants what you want and feels the way you feel. Don’t give guys the time of day because you’re desperate to date and find someone. Vet these guys PROPERLY and if they don’t fit the bill, keep it pushing. Dating guys bc you’re lonely or want to find a mate will have you compromising your standards and meeting guys that aren’t about anything, which will make you jaded and keep you from finding the guy that’s really meant for you.

    It’s probably not karma or you. Be patient.

  • cool

    Its a very commendable quality to be that open and honest with yourself in your search and growth for love and something more. Doing that “self check” is often a daunting yet much needed task for many of us. As a Man I’ve had to do the same thing and had to be brutally honest with myself in order to mature and to make better choices. Many think that there is some way to see or “know” as soon as you meet someone what their character is or intentions are though its noy always that simple and easy. Great article and love the honesty with self. You will find that right one for you..and when you do, after all that you’ve endured on that journey, you will appreciate him all the more.

  • bigdawgman

    Actually, I think whatever issues you had that made you a “bad girl” are also the ones that cause you to pick the wrong guys when dating. Maybe you’re not acting the same way, but you’re probably picking guys using some of your old instincts. One important thing I notice a lot of women seem to miss is paying attention to what he DOES, and not what he says he’s going to do. Anybody can talk a good game (well, not me, I was born game-deficient), but only a good man will follow through with ACTION.

  • Tonyoardee

    I whole heartedly believe in karma, its also in the bible to treat others how you would like to be treated. Everything comes full circle in the end

  • http://www.facebook.com/barbara.codner Barbara Codner

    We do reap what we sow but the willingness to change and having remorse for your past bad behavior may be enough for you to get a fair chance at finding love.

  • Melody

    I use to have these same thoughts…I was a “bad girl”; i had fun breaking hearts and felt like it was always my way or no way. It wasnt until my junior/senior year of college that i realized i needed to change if i ever wanted to be in a happy marriage.

    I turned down good guys constantly(sometimes due to me being stuck on my “bad” booy first love) However, one of those good guys gave me a second chance at getting/keeping his attention, and here we are 2 years later in a relationship talking about marriage(as in within the next two years) Keep hope alive girl!

  • mac

    I believe in karma, But I also believe in being a good judge of character which should eliminate most of these characters you speak of, to begin with.

    We can’t always attribute our bad luck to the abstract. Sometimes it’s us. Most of the time for that matter.

    • bigdawgman

      Preach!!!