Bad Girl Gone Good: Am I Reaping What I Sowed In My Past Relationships?

April 2, 2013  |  

Lately my luck with men has been…well, unlucky. It seems as if winning the Powerball might be more likely for me than finding a man that I like who actually likes and respects me in return. Recently I’ve been feeling as if no one deserves all this bad luck with dating, or do they?

While I consider myself an honest person who prides myself on treating others the way I’d like to be treated, I wasn’t always this stand-up girl when it came to relationships. I’ve been nice to bad guys and sometimes bad to the nice guys. I’ve exaggerated the truth when it came to my feelings and even justified my behavior based on the “typical man” stereotype.

Nope. I have not always been a good woman. I was once a girl who thought selfishly, sometimes said what I thought a man wanted to hear, and even lied about my whereabouts due to shady activity. Yes, I’ve done what it seems many of the guys I’m currently meeting, are now doing to me; and now when I’m ready to settle down because I’ve matured, it seems many men have been tainted by women like I used to be or are simply no good and using that “I’m scarred” excuse to cover up their irresponsible behavior. I couldn’t help but to think that maybe, just maybe, I am reaping what I sowed in some of my past relationships.

It’s easy to forget things you’ve done in your past if they haven’t required any type of corporal punishment. After all, I’ve never stolen anything from a man, killed him or destroyed his property; but I have done my fair share of destroying feelings, never intentionally, but haphazardly due to my selfishness.

Now as a serious girl who is beyond conscious of the things I say and do to men who express interest in me, I’m having a difficult time dating. If he’s a compulsive liar, I’m meeting him. If he has decided to put his job over his relationships, I’m dating him. Or if he’s in a relationship and conveniently forgot to mention it, I actually liked him.

Besides my ‘reaping what I sow’ theory, it could possibly be that I’m getting older and much more serious about who I spend my time dating.  Years ago I met a lot of not so good guys, but maybe I didn’t care as much because I was younger. Now, a few years older and wiser, I only hope that a serious relationship is in the cards for me.

It’s said that every action has a reaction; but it never said when that reaction would occur. So it is possible that my bad girlfriend behavior from years ago is finally catching up to me. Maybe, I’m over-analyzing my bleak past-six-months dating situation. Or maybe my theory is right on the money. Either way, in life you learn to take the good with the bad and the same applies to dating.

I can only hope that my streak of bad dating luck will soon be over, or if it’s all about me reaping what I’ve sowed, that I’ll have learned my lesson soon. This serious woman eventually hopes to get in a serious relationship. But for now, I’ll take it all with a grain of salt. After all, for a woman to eventually find her prince, she definitely has to kiss a few toads.

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