I Love But No Longer Like My Husband…Is Our Marriage Over?

18 comments
March 30, 2013 ‐ By madamenoire
Source: Thinkstock

Source: Thinkstock

From Essence.com

My husband and I have been married for almost seven years, and for the last three months we’ve been separated. We seem to have a multitude of issues, ranging from communication, finances, sex and trust. We married later in life, both of us coming from completely different backgrounds, but in some ways we both still seemed to want the same things. He says he doesn’t feel respect, trust, or love from me, and I’m not sure how to show him. We married very quickly after meeting one another, so I’m almost sure we did not take the time to get to really know one another. I feel isolated from him, like we don’t really connect with each other. We don’t talk, we don’t laugh, and I don’t feel I can share my deepest fears or joys with him. I don’t feel like we are friends at all, much less best friends. I asked him about getting some professional help, to help us get it together, and he agreed and said he would find us a therapist. Three months have gone by now and he has not produced one yet. Any time I mention it, he just says that a counselor can’t don anything for us that we can’t do for ourselves. He feels that if we just try dating and getting to know each other and have some fun, things might just improve on their own. We have been going out and trying to date, but I find myself always thinking about what’s wrong with us and why we can’t seem to get to the core of our problems. I really feel like the longer we stay apart, the less I am going to want to be together. I’m sure I love my husband, but I just don’t know how to get us back to the early days of our marriage when things were good. What advice can you give me?

See what Dr. Sherry has to say about whether or not this woman can salvage her marriage over at Essence.com.

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  • Guest

    I had nearly the same thing happen at our 5 year range. We have made it to seven, and its starting to feel the same again. I just really feel like my husband doesn’t want to put the time into our relationship; which constantly leads me to question our marriage. I know how I act when I am in love, I am giddy, I can’t stop thinking about him, I am constantly trying to please him. But when he doesn’t do the same… not even near, instead when he takes and doesn’t give, complains when I am not ready for sex on command (trust me, its at least 5 times a week that I am ready and willing, a small percentage due to being truly tired from caring for our two children, working a full time job, attending school full time, and still trying to get up before he wakes to make coffee and cut the fresh baked bread I made for breakfast… I never feel the reciprocation. It’s little things, like when he takes my car he destroys the inside with garbage despite that I keep it clean AND deep clean it before he takes it. I do the laundry but he will throw it in the wash and leave it, so it mildews and smells when I come home… I just have to rewash it all over, or he throws the clean clothes in a pile so they wrinkle and are covered in dog hair. They are really minor things that with the slightest amount of intent could be fixed, but he refuses to try. He shuts down when I try to talk to him about anything that’s a “problem”, and half the other time he laughs at my thoughts in utter disbelief. It makes me start to disrespect him- thought I don’t show it… inside I have very little respect for the father of my children.

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  • Raven Rumph

    I can totally understand , I’m actually in the same situation try praying . It’s really a horrible feeling to be in a situation such as this BC you want it to work but the odds are working against you.

  • cool

    It is really hard and often not a good idea to try and give “relationship” advice, which involves two people when you only have the input of one person in the relationship. This is one of the very reasons why couples seek counseling “together” because it brings both sides to light. When you only hear or read the one side you have to take that as the “whole” truth or try to infer some things from it…without the ability to even ask any questions in order to be better informed. So to say it is one person or the other who is at fault is somewhat premature. Often times one will write in and make the story one sided so we here can guve them justification to do what they want to do anyway. Just my thoughts

  • iMthabestnow

    Yes it is

  • GeekMommaRants

    This is called the Seven Year Itch. You two are use to each other and it does not feel new or romantic. Schedule a second honey moon or a weekend vacation. This is the cure.

  • GM_I

    She’s the problem. That man needs to divorce that asap.

    • ThouGivethNoDamns

      I’m assuming your wife wrote this letter…

      • GM_I

        Nope, so stop makin an a z z out urself assuming cuz u gotta an upset vagina becu of what I wrote.

        • ThouGivethNoDamns

          Responding to an assumption made of you by countering with an assumption of your own is very unbecoming of your point.My upset vagina seems to be contagious because you’ve caught the p enile version and its symptoms are impairing your spelling.I recommend some Maalox,a small passage on the definition of sarcasm and some spell-check.

          • GM_I

            What was my assumption??? Ur response to what I said clearly shows ur upset about my comment, that had nothing to do with u in the first place. I’ve assumed nothing about u that u haven’t already revealed thru ur own comments. Don’t worry about my spelling, as much as this site moderates, I’d rather not waste time figuring out what words I can & cant say without being moderated. Correct ur own errors like spacing properly after using a period at the end of a sentence, if ur going to use it. The whole “criticize bloggers grammatical & spelling errors” tatic is a tired & played out deflection u br0adz love using that serves no purpose other than to make yourself seem more intelligent than u actually are, when in fact u just reveal how much of a typical bxtch u are in real life & have nothing to say or add about the very comment ur upset about in the first place.

            • ThouGivethNoDamns

              I will make a mental note to space my periods, thanks.

          • GM_I

            What was my assumption??? Ur response to what I said clearly shows ur upset about my comment, that had nothing to do with u in the first place. I’ve assumed nothing about u that u haven’t already revealed thru ur own comments. Don’t worry about my spelling, as much as this site moderates, I’d rather not waste time figuring out what words I can & cant say without being moderated. Correct ur own errors like spacing properly after using a period at the end of a sentence, if ur going to use it. The whole “criticize bloggers grammatical & spelling errors” tatic is a tired & played out deflection u br0adz love using that serves no purpose other than to make yourself seem more intelligent than u actually are, when in fact u just reveal how much of a typical bxtch u are in real life & have nothing to say or add about the very comment ur upset about in the first place.

          • GM_I

            What was my assumption??? Ur response to what I said clearly shows ur upset about my comment, that had nothing to do with u in the first place. I’ve assumed nothing about u that u haven’t already revealed thru ur own comments. Don’t worry about my spelling, as much as this site moderates, I’d rather not waste time figuring out what words I can & cant say without being moderated. Correct ur own errors like spacing properly after using a period at the end of a sentence, if ur going to use it. The whole “criticize bloggers grammatical & spelling errors” tatic is a tired & played out deflection u br0adz love using that serves no purpose other than to make yourself seem more intelligent than u actually are, when in fact u just reveal how much of a typical bxtch u are in real life & have nothing to say or add about the very comment ur upset about in the first place.

    • Nikki

      Oh, really? Then why won’t he go to marriage counseling with her.

      If he want to use the, “a counselor can’t do anything we can’t do for ourselves” argument, go ahead. But it won’t kill him to go to a few sessions…

      • GM_I

        It wont kill him to go, but it will cost him to go. Therapist aren’t cheap & the wife has already stated that she is the problem. The husband expressed how he feels she doesn’t know how to show him respect, love & trust to him & she agreed stating she doesn’t know how. That’s why SHE is the problem and by the sounds of it she should be the one seeking the therapist & fixing the problem instead of sitting on her a z z waiting for her husband to do it for her. Why hasn’t she looked for a therapist (even just for herself to help find a way to connect with her husband). U know why she hasn’t??? Becuz she doesn’t wanna be married anymore, plain n simple. She just doesn’t know how to end it & I wouldn’t be surprised if the husband isn’t getting his needs met elsewhere by now.

        • Reese

          You’re ignorance at It’s best, we can all see that. Why is your peen angry darling??

      • GM_I

        It wont kill him to go, but it will cost him to go. Therapist aren’t cheap & the wife has already stated that she is the problem. The husband expressed how he feels she doesn’t know how to show him respect, love & trust to him & she agreed stating she doesn’t know how. That’s why SHE is the problem and by the sounds of it she should be the one seeking the therapist & fixing the problem instead of sitting on her a z z waiting for her husband to do it for her. Why hasn’t she looked for a therapist (even just for herself to help find a way to connect with her husband). U know why she hasn’t??? Becuz she doesn’t wanna be married anymore, plain n simple. She just doesn’t know how to end it & I wouldn’t be surprised if the husband isn’t getting his needs met elsewhere by now.

No thanks