The Dos And Don’ts Of Dating Someone Who’s Insecure

March 26, 2013  |  
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No matter if it’s damage from a past relationship or past failures, it’s not uncommon for someone’s self-confidence to take a hit after a negative experience. Most people recover, but there are some men and women who carry those setbacks with them and in term end up lacking just a bit in the self-esteem department. If you’re dating someone who is insecure, you know just how challenging the relationship can be, but, don’t give up just yet! Here are 14 dos and don’ts to keep in mind while dating this type of person.

Credit: Shutterstock

Credit: Shutterstock

Give meaningful compliments

Compliments are always a great way to boost someone’s self-esteem and self-confidence. If your partner looks really nice one day, don’t be afraid to mention it. Compliments should be meaningful and you’ll want to be sure that you aren’t giving the same compliment over and over. Compliment your partner on his/her clothes, hair, smile, features, personality, attitude, and so on. You’ll also more than likely get a few compliments in return.

Source: Shutterstock

Source: Shutterstock

Don’t over-compliment

Over-complimenting can take away the meaning of your compliments. While it’s nice to give your partner a compliment here and there, you don’t want to over-do it. There’s no need to compliment him/her every hour on the hour. Instead, give compliments when you really mean them. Otherwise you may find that your compliments become expected and unappreciated, if not simply forced.

Source: Shutterstock

Source: Shutterstock

Respect any boundaries

If your partner is insecure, it’s likely that he/she has some boundaries. Maybe the whole “lights-on” thing is out the window, or maybe showering together is off-limits for now. Whatever the boundary may be, be sure to respect it, at least early on in the relationship. Once you two get more comfortable with each other, you may want to get a bit daring and push those boundaries. That way they don’t become overbearing or troublesome.

Source: Shutterstock

Source: Shutterstock

Don’t add to the problem

Someone who is insecure is already a little soft and vulnerable, and you’ll want to make sure that you don’t make matters worse. When possible, avoid putting your partner down and definitely avoid making that person feel less than what they really are. If you argue, avoid the insults and personal attacks. Be respectful of your partner’s feelings or else you may dig an ever deeper hole.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Try to help as much as possible

Aside from compliments and avoiding personal insults, you’ll want to help your partner become more secure. Show your love and care and be willing to listen whenever that time comes. Letting your partner vent and communicate with you will really make the healing process a lot easier. With the right amount of listening and care, you’ll find that your partner slowly but surely comes around.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Don’t put the blame on yourself

It’s more than likely that your partner’s insecurity and self-confidence problems are not because of you. It’s important that you don’t start blaming yourself for these insecurities. This will only make matters worse and your partner will start to pick up on these vibes, which will only start a bigger circle of self-blame and self-esteem issues. Realize that the insecurities are not your fault.

Source: Shutterstock

Source: Shutterstock

Do random nice acts

Though this is appreciated in all relationships, random acts of kindness will go far when you’re dating someone who is insecure. Leave her a vase full of flowers one morning after she goes to work. Buy him something that you know he will value and love to have. These random and unexpected acts show that you really truly care about the person you’re dating. The emotions these acts stir up will help make the insecurities go away in time.

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Shutterstock

Don’t be overly flirtatious with others

Sure, we all find ourselves attracted to other people aside from our partners, and some of us are a bit flirty by nature. However, when you’re dating someone who is already lacking confidence and security, you’ll want to avoid pointing this out. Don’t stare down other people at the mall our flirt with the waiter at dinner. Do your best to show your partner that your eyes are for him and only him.

"Black woman thinking PF"

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Decide if you’re willing to tolerate the insecurity

Dating someone who is insecure is a tough task on it’s own, but matters become easier or harder, depending on the insecurities that your partner has. Before you completely engulf yourself in the relationship, make sure that you’re ready and willing to deal with your partner’s insecurities. If you’re not, be sure to break things off immediately. Don’t drag things on as it’ll only lead to stress and more issues.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Don’t keep the relationship hidden

It’s rude in all relationships to keep your partnership hidden from your friends and family. When you’re dating someone who is insecure, you want to show that you’re happy, proud, and confident in the relationship. To do this, don’t shy away from telling others that you’re dating so-and-so. By sharing the good news, especially with those closest to you, your partner will see and feel that you’re secure and proud of the relationship. Hiding things will make insecurities even worse.

Credit: Shutterstock

Credit: Shutterstock

Be prepared for slow change

In the right relationship with the right person, someone who is insecure will slowly but surely come around. The change won’t happen over night, but after a few months of a successful and happy relationship, you’ll hopefully  notice that your partner is slowly becoming less insecure and more self-confident. When this happens, keep going, and take pride in the fact that you’ve helped change someone for the better.

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Don’t pretend the insecurities aren’t there

Face the facts, your partner is insecure. Even if these insecurities make the relationship a bit tougher, it’s never wise to simply pretend that the insecurities don’t exist. Putting the insecurities in the back of your mind and trying to forget about them won’t do anything positive for the relationship. It’s best to face them head on with your partner so that they can be overcome.

"couple talking pf"

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Be a good listener

Good communication in a relationship goes along with being a good listener. Since an insecure partner is likely to talk about his/her problems in random spurts, you’ll want to be sure that you always have a willing and ready ear. Being a good listener will allow you to understand your partner’s problems and worries and will make the insecurities a lot less severe.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Don’t tell others about your partner’s insecurities

Relationships are bound to have hiccups and there are sure to be times when you want to talk to friends and family members about any problems within the relationship. While there is nothing wrong with this, you want to avoid explicitly saying that your partner is really insecure or lacking self-confidence. This can easily become a problem if your partner finds out, and it’s bound to only make him/her feel even worse. Don’t be afraid to talk about struggles within the relationship, but try to do so without being explicit regarding your partner’s insecurities.

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  • leilue

    Really??? I believe
    this article has many great suggestions in reference to the topic and the
    issues it aims to address; with the exception of one substantial principle. For
    starters, it is not okay to accommodate a certain level of insecurity within a
    relationship. This principle needs not to be overlooked an highly emphasized in
    the message that is being relayed with regard to individuals whom experience
    emotional, verbal, and physical abuse in relationships with partners who
    exhibit such behaviors and similar signs of insecurity.

    I think that the most sensible thing to do in such
    situations is to address the issue in itself with the other person exhibiting
    such behaviors. I mean, for the most part, everyone has insecurities. With that
    being said, is it fair to ‘walk around on egg shells’ and compensate for the
    lack of introspection from another? I don’t think so… I was once in a
    relationship with someone of the same caliber who exhibited a sabotaging level
    on insecurity in the past. After months of trying to console and accommodate this
    individual, I came to the conclusion that this individual needed to make some
    drastic emotional and spiritual changes to move forward with their life.

    What I am proposing is that expecting someone to make
    substantial changes and to be a better person by enabling them to deal with these
    issues and acknowledge that they need to be dealt, is utterly ridiculous.
    Relationships are difficult and extremely testing without these game changers.
    You cannot expect someone to take care of you and your issues if you do not
    take care of yourself. A spouse wants to feel like a spouse and not a therapist
    or a worse; a parent. So, while it’s good to give a little attention and
    understanding to these issues, its also good to balance it with tough love and
    encouragement to do better. That’s what a spouse is for.

  • mac

    16. date someone who’s actually secur—-nvm.