I’ve Been Dating My Boss For A Year, But I Think He Might Be Involved With His Assistant Too

March 22, 2013  |  

Source: Shutterstock

From Essence

Q: I need your advice for the problem I’m facing now. I’ve been dating my boss for nearly a year and we agree to hide our relationship from our colleagues because we want to avoid any gossip that might affect our working environment. Fortunately, both of us can separate our personal and professional relationship. Well, until now.

He is a nice man and he likes to flirt with the girls in the office. He does it jokingly, but unfortunately, many people misunderstand his gestures. They think that he’s falling in love with them. Right now, the real problem is with his assistant. She and my boyfriend are very close professionally and personally. One day, I accidentally read their messages, and I found out that their relationship has become more than just friendly. She was admitting that they are dating each other. At that time, I told my boyfriend about this and asked him to let me out of his life if he really likes his assistant.

He insisted on maintaining our relationship and convinced me that the messages were only romantic words, which meant nothing to him because he was just being nice to her. He told me that she must have just misunderstood. I know that she has a tough life and she is a lonely girl. I just thought that she might need someone who can be there for her and she found it in my boyfriend and therefore considered him her boyfriend too. Either way, this matter is still annoying me and I cannot control my heart and my mind every time I see them together. She doesn’t know that he is my boyfriend, and she always tells me stories about what happened between both of them and even sometimes asks me for some advice. I’m trying to be neutral, and not say too much, because I just want to be fair to both of them. It really breaks my heart and it’s distracting.

My boyfriend knows about how I feel and always convinces me that he loves me and will not cheat on me. My heart says that I can trust him. Please, tell me what I should do. How I can control my jealousy? Should I still trust him? I would really appreciate for your help. Thank you!

See what advice celebrity psychologist Sherry Blake has for this woman on Essence.com.

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  • IllyPhilly

    You were fvcking your boss and now he’s fvcking someone else.

  • CC

    I think Kierah and Jane Doe hit it on the nail. You are completely delusional Sweetie. Anytime a man “hides” you from the world in any kind of way not matter what his excuse is, that means he doesn’t see a future with you. He’s not hiding anything with her, not even from you!!! Let him go and if I were you like Kierah said, get another job or transfer to a different department because this is going to emotionally and mentally destroy you. Find someone who is proud to show you off to the world and does not have you playing second fiddle.

  • Laverne

    Sometimes I think these stories are made up. No one can be this naive, right? Smh…

    • kierah

      There are some really dumb birds out here. No wonder a lot of guys treat women like Boo Boo Da Fool. Some very smart women get in a relationship and put the blinders on. They only look at what can keep them in the girlfriend role instead of thinking about if the girlfriend role is really the one they want.

      She is jealous over a dude that is cheating on her and letting his little girlfriend spill the beans in her face. Her dumb butt still thinks this chick doesn’t know about her. Girl, the asst is just wondering when the writer’s going to take all this hints she’s dropping. Yeah I’m LMAO at this one – and the boyfriend and the assistant are laughing too!!

      • more

        U said a mouthful! These birds out here put up with just about any treatment from a man just to say i have one. Thats why i dont mess wit men im forced to be around. smh

    • akuntrygirl

      I gave the headline a side-eye too. Y’all not gonna make me believe that there are grown a$$ women that would accept such foolishness. Ma’am! I.Cannot.

    • Lauren S. Clark

      Totally agree.

    • IllyPhilly

      I want to believe most are made up, but then I think about the real stories from women around me (college friend married man who pushed her out the door as his bulletproof vest during a shootout he caused to keep him from getting deported.) and sadly I know things like this happen.

  • kierah

    Once your relationship became serious (i.e.exclusive), one of you should have started looking for another job or at least a transfer out of the department. The relationship that you are having is HIGHLY inappropriate. If he’d be inappropriate with you, why wouldn’t he be that way with his assistant. After all, your relationship is a secret.
    Why are you worried about being fair to either of them? It’s time you were fair to yourself. You don’t need his permission to leave. I am so sick of women asking a man to walk away or let her go. Pick up your isht and leave if the situation isn’t making you happy anymore. Right now, you sound pretty miserable and upset.
    By the way, you aren’t his girlfriend. The asst is his woman. You can’t say anything about the relationship, but she feels she can speak to you about it. Aren’t you feeling like the 6th toe?

    • Ashe

      LOL @ the 6th toe!!!!

  • JaneDoe

    You are fooling yourself honey.. You are already making excuses for him flirting with girls in the office.. Now you think he is sleeping with his assistant. Chances are he is. And you like boo boo the fool is gonna take his word that he won’t cheat.. Listen here, a man knowing he has a woman that nobody in the office knows about that he can dismiss with words is gonna cheat. Especially if he knows that another woman is interested in him. Its his play ground and he is gonna play. Don’t be a fool. That woman is interested in him and chances are he is interested in her too