The Grass Isn’t Always Greener: Married, But Want To Be Single; Single But Want To Be Married–Which Woman Are You?

March 26, 2013  |  


“I’ve learned to be content in whatever state I am in, for the state I think I desire may not be what I imagine it to be…” –Liz Lampkin

How many times do we hear “I can’t wait to be married” or “I wish I was single again…”? Or how about “I love my husband, but I wish I would’ve waited to get married,” or my personal favorite, “Being single in today’s world is not easy”? Why do we hear these things from women? Why are there so many women who are married but wish they were single again, and why are there so many women who are single that can’t wait to be married? The answers are simple…the married women who wish they were single again did not enjoy their single life, and they might have married for the wrong reasons, so they don’t see the true value or know the purpose for being married; and single women who are rushing to the altar have a jaded view of what it takes to be and stay married, and they don’t see the value in being single.

For many years, women have been tying the knot for a number of reasons. Some of those reasons include  marrying a man for status and money, marrying because they are pregnant, and so on and so forth. While some may view these reasons for marriage as valid, I think if more women married because they want to fulfill their purpose in the world with the man that was designed specifically for them, then more marriages would last. I also believe that if more women would see the value in being single, they would not rush to the altar. Marriage is a sacred union that should be entered into with much prayer and spiritual preparation. It should be handled and valued with care and caution because it is a gift that is often misused and skewed. If more women would spend time during their single life discovering who they are and living out their purpose in being single, rather than spending a bulk of the time desiring a mate and marriage, when and if the time finally comes for them to be married, they will appreciate it.

I’ve learned that one of the primary reasons many women desire marriage is because they don’t want to be lonely, but unfortunately, marriage is not the cure for loneliness. I know a number of women who are married, but they are lonelier than many single women. Being married is a blessing just as much as being single is a blessing. Both life seasons have a distinct purpose for everyone involved directly and indirectly, you just have to be prayerful and positive during both stages of life.

For the married women who wish they were single again, take some time to reflect on your marriage and the good things that have come from it, and be grateful for your husband. Even if he is not the man you think he should be, he is the man you chose to marry. Even if you think you’ve made a mistake, or rushed in too soon, hang in there. Learn from the mistake you made and help others not to do the same. For the single women who wish they were married, talk to a happily married woman who has been with her partner for more than 20 years. Ask her what their secret is to staying happily married for so long. Take intricate notes and reflect on them. When you’ve reflected on the notes and the conversation, ask yourself are you really ready to do what it takes to be this kind of wife, and not simply a married woman, because there is a difference that not many women realize. As I stated previously, being married is a blessing, and being single is a blessing as well. Both seasons of life should be valued and appreciated. Learn to be content in whatever season of life you are in with relationships, because the season you desire may not be the spring and summer you imagine it to be.

Are you a single woman who wants to be married? Why? Are you a married woman who wants to be single? Why?

Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.

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  • SewAmazing

    I love my single and childless life! Never felt lonely, and I cherish my alone time. My relationships in life (God, familial, male friends, female friends, neighbors/community etc) make me feel cherished and fortunate to give back. I think marriage is a union, and no wedding ceremony, spouse, sharing a mortgage, or children will give you that bond if it isn’t there…Do you, but either way be happy!

  • GIrlSixx

    I was a married woman who is now living the single life and I can say that I was blessed to have experienced BOTH. When I was married I never envied the single life because I still got to do some of things my single GF did (hang out/travel, etc.) but it was with a different mindset but I do have a great appreciation now for my own solitude, space, bedroom and bed. 🙂 I can’t see myself ever wanting to get married again because I love having my own Space and freedom of not asweriing to anybody. Basically if you been married before and now is experiencing true single life it will be a HARD SELL to get you to ever want to remarry again and share your life with someone 24/7 after having YOUR OWN bed/space/place/freedom, etc,

  • LMG

    Great article! I loved the statementt ,”I think if more women married because they want to fulfill their purpose in the world with the man that was designed specifically for them, then more marriages would last.” Finding a husband who will push me towards my purpose and I can do the same for him is what I’m striving for. In the mean time, I’m working on being a better me and working diligently towards my goals and purpose.

  • Tishababy87

    I am in a committed relationship, couldn’t picture life without my man. Being single is FREEDOM, liberation and less stressful but I couldn’t imagine have first dates and going to the club just to end up alone afterwards…. Some of this women look so desperate with their mini dresses on.. I kiss and hug my man even tighter… Marriage would be great…but I am not ready for God to chrisen this relationship yet!

  • Lone Star Wolf

    I, SOOOOO appreciate being single. If the time is EVER right, I’ll get married. But right now, I enjoy me and me alone. Besides, to me, lonely and alone, although they share the same root word, are not synonymous. Lonely is linked with emotion, while being alone is much more clearly cut, you’re one single part away from the rest. I’m alone and on my own, but I don’t believe I’ve ever felt lonely. I’ve been on my own or the lone wolf since I was a kid, so it doesn’t bother me now. Come to think of it, it never did.

    • sabrina

      Go girl!

    • GirlSixx

      x 1000

      Agreed. I am ALONE but I am not LONELY.. there’s a difference. I like being by myself the lonely bug hasn’t stung me yet.

  • Miss K

    I can honestly say I am tired of the single life. I enjoy spending time alone, pursuing my passions and goals, even traveling on my own. I am simply tired of being alone ALL the time. Friends cannot fill the void of a partner. It’s hard for me to feel sympathy for married women who wish to be single. The way I see it, you can take a break from your husband – “DO YOU” for a while. You cannot take a break from loneliness.



    • anon

      agreed! same here.