A Year Later: Why Dating A Man In An Open Marriage Didn’t Work

March 21, 2013  |  


By Anonymous 

You may remember, a year ago, I wrote about being the girlfriend to a man in an open marriage. Well, it’s a little over a year later of being in a relationship with an open married man. It’s funny, because I looked at the two previous articles I wrote about this relationship, and I was almost embarrassed by how blinded I was; how in love I was. I dived in head first into a man and a lifestyle I knew nothing about. Did I drown? No. But I do feel as if I was doing the dead man’s float for a while.

This year taught me so much. I learned that open relating, first and foremost, does not mean multiple partners. It means honest relating. So, while I may use open and “multiple” simultaneously in this article, honesty is the priority. I am a stronger, more aware person than I was before entering into this relationship. I have grown into a woman who knows what I need in a relationship and who knows what I can’t handle in a relationship. I grew into a more honest person in regards to my feelings. I learned how to open up and express myself freely. I know that his purpose in my life was for my personal growth and for that, I am thankful.  But while, I am thankful for the growth and self-discovery, all the other sh!t is not what I want nor is it what I will accept anymore. Not in this situation at least. A messed up person will be a messed up person—whether in an open, poly, or monogamous relationship. Nothing will change.

With all that being said, I am leaving the open relationship. I love him, but I do not like a large part of the person I grew to know. I tried to accept and understand a lot, but there was always something. There was always someone. I knew he was in an open marriage and dating three women when we started. I didn’t realize there was going to be an open door clause in the relationship. There was always a new story of a woman he told he loved just so he could get her in bed; a new story of a woman flipping out on him in the midst of an online class he teaches for his organization or on his Facebook page; a broken promise brought on with more women. Stories of pregnancies, clients as lovers, it was continuous. It was stressful. It was tiring.  It was not the fact he was open that was my problem. It was the fact he was demonstrating Slore-ish behaviors and not open and honest behaviors. It was ego driven and not heart driven. As soon as my heart would get right with US, something would take place to tell my spirit it was wrong.  It would never be US. Because of who he was seen as, who he wanted to be, there would always be people involved in our relationship. There would always be gossip. There would always be stories I didn’t want to hear or he didn’t want me to hear. It would always be EVERYONE.

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