Ask A Very Smart Brotha: I Cheated On Him A While Ago, Should I Tell Him?

March 20, 2013  |  

champ213

Jasmine: What is the most reasonable time period in which a woman should receive a proposal from her boyfriend?

DY: I don’t believe in an arbitrary set time for things like that. But, I will say if you’re in your late 20s and above, just “dating” for longer than two years probably isn’t the best look

Source: Shutterstock.com

Nita: Who comes first in your life, your wife or your mother?

DY: Wife. In my opinion, a wife comes before everyone else, including children.

Source: Shutterstock.com

Cynthia: Why do today’s men want women to take care of them?

DY: Men, by in large, follow the path of least resistance. Basically, (some) men expect women to take care of them because (some) women are willing to do it.

Source: Thinkstock

 

Shahdae: Is it okay to date more than one guy at a time?!

DY: Of course! Dating is supposed to be when you’re out meeting people and finding out what you like/don’t like and need/don’t need. How are you going to do that if you don’t date multiple people?

Source: Thinkstock

Yves: How do men know they are ready to have a child with a certain woman?

DY: Depends on the man. But, even if he doesn’t come out and say it (or believe it), “willingness to go raw” = “willingness to have children.”

Source: Shutterstock.com

Arhovist: When your man is being a jerk and. Drinking more lately but he says its because he is stressed with going back to school…etc. what is the appropriate time to let him know about his self? Or the correct way to approach the situation?

DY: Immediately

Source: Shutterstock.com

Hawoly: Is abstaining from sex until you find the right guy, my special someone, a good idea, or does it just scare guys away?

DY: It’s not a bad idea at all. And yes, it will scare some men away, but that’s kinda the point, isn’t it?

"black couple arguing"

Kat: How do you convince a stubborn man that thinks he’s right on every subject that he’s not…is some cases, and how do you convince him that “your” opinion/feedback is just as valuable as his?? I mean no one knows everything!!

DY: Usually, you need to “show” stubborn people, not convince them. Basically, name a specific time when he swore he was right but was proven to be wrong. Also, stubborn or not, a person not respecting his/her mate’s opinions on things is a bit of a red flag.

Source: Shutterstock.com

Leah: How does one get a man, who says he has had his heart broken too many times to trust you, to be vulnerable with you?

DY: Be patient, and prove that you’re trustworthy. (Btw, a man or woman who can’t trust probably shouldn’t be in a relationship anyway)

"cheating pf"

Clarissa: If you cheat and know you made a mistake should you tell your man or take it to the grave?

DY: Honestly, it depends on when. If this happened some time ago—and you know it won’t happen again—I think you should keep it to yourself. But, if this happened recently, you probably need to tell him because your sexual behavior has put him at risk. He needs to know that.

Pittsburgh native Damon Young (aka “The Champ”) is the co-founder of the ridiculously popular VerySmartBrothas.com. Their first book “Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide To Dating, Mating and Fighting Crime” is available at Amazon.com.

Trending on MadameNoire

View Comments
Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN
  • Lina

    I hope I am misunderstanding something, but on the second slide it states that ”a wife comes before everyone else, including children.” Does he mean that a wife comes before children or that the children are included in coming before others? If he is stating that the wife comes before the children…that’s ludicrous.

  • Nope

    “Is abstaining from sex until you find the right guy, my special someone, a good idea, or does it just scare guys away?”

    Yup. Just realize just like you don’t owe him sex since he’s not your man, he doesn’t owe you patience since you’re not his woman. Waiting for, and waiting with are two completely different things. He’ll probably get sex elsewhere in the meantime, just like you’ll probably get attention elsewhere in the meantime.

  • BYG

    Regarding the last one on whether or not she should tell her boyfriend she cheated, I would say no. ” Don’t ask, don’t tell”. Also you have to think, would he told if he cheated on you ?!? I don’t think so !

    • hollyw

      Look smh that is very tit-for-tat… you’re suppose to complement your mate, not meet him/her where they’re at…how else do you guys grow?

    • WHOISBSQUARED?

      I AGREE BUT TO SUM DEGREE……..IF U TRULY LOVE UR MATE AND THIS MISTAKE JUST HAPPENED TO OCCUR, 4 SUM DAMN REASON, THEN I WOULD LET THEM KNOW, YEAH 4SHO………..BUT IF SUMWHERE IN UR HEART U HAVE NO TRUE LOVE 4 THEM………YEAH ME N MY SECRET GON CHILL IN THE CREMATION OR THE CASKET………N THATS REAL……..NOWADAYS U TELL THESE MEN THINGS LIKE THAT AND U MIGHT END UP DEAD, U DONT KNOW WHO’S SANE AND WHO’S CRAZY………..EVEN IF WE’VE KNOWN THEM FOR YEARS…………

      • TRUTH IS

        Your CAPS lock is on….lol

  • Pingback: Ask A Very Smart Brotha: I Cheated On Him Some Time Ago. Should I Tell Him? |()