Gentlemen Uncensored: Why Get Married? Part 2

March 19th, 2013 - By Madame Noire

We heard your response to Episode 1 of Gentlemen Uncensored, so we’re giving you what you want — longer episodes. Part 1 of “Why Get Married?” barely scratched the surface of what these men had to say about marriage and their reservations. Watch the men get into more of a balanced discussion about holy matrimony and actually consider what (they think) women want in part 2. And of course, leave your reactions below.

GENTLEMEN UNCENSORED

MEET THE CAST

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  • hollyw

    You know, most also went to their local wh*res AFTER the marriage, too, right? Not much better…

  • JJ

    Carlos is just ignorant. I’m not even going to address him any further. Ainsley made sense but I’m not sure I agree with him completely. Men are not superior to women, but we do have differences. The example he used was a bad one because men are stronger than women 90% of the time and this idea that we are physically equal is a dangerous one. I don’t mind men being the head of the household thing. Just as long as he knows what’s he’s doing and isn’t a tyrant. These men are ok, but next time could you guys interview some above average looking men I would like to see if their views on women differ.

  • http://www.facebook.com/chriskrolle Chris Kazi Rolle

    Ooh La La!

    I love your comments! Here are my responses:

    1. I see what you are saying. We are all friends and we encourage each other to go deep. In this clip it does look we were clowning though. Great insight. Thanks for that. Please know that we go very deep and we create safe space for men to share their emotions. I have been doing this work for a very looooong time.

    2.That was not the order in which I communicated the things that I thought. Not at all. It’s the way the producer edited the segment. My first thought was actually “Does she have the typeof temperament that can deal with me and all of my flaws.

    3. Great points!

    4. Well said!

    Thanks for joining the conversation. Let’s keep it going.

    +ckr

  • http://www.facebook.com/chriskrolle Chris Kazi Rolle

    There are plenty. Keep hope.

  • YoungCosby

    Yeah, it’s really sad. Men will do everything to commit to everything else of no value, but not the woman who adds tremendous value to their life. But, it’s a two way street. There are men who are messed up, just as there are women who are messed up. We all come with our level of baggage to the table, and absolutely nobody is free of it. I think the problem is a multifaceted one which needs conversations like this to exist, but get a bit more in depth. I understand that this is mostly for entertainment, but that’s where I have the problem.

    We as Black people come with issues from birth that are cultural, then as age progresses, a host of other issues start to attach themselves to us without us wanting them to. Our lives are filled with so many challenges and we do nothing to try to resolve them. We use convenient methods to self-medicate instead of getting to the root cause of our ills to help us heal internally and lead us into making better life decisions. So even though we have come so far as a people, we still have SO much work to do. We are still not in the position where we can be so solely focused on entertaining ourselves (with whatever method people may chose), what we completely negate the fact that we still have work to do.

    I’m not saying that we need to be Malcolm X 24/7, but I guess what bothers me as socially conscience brotha is that we spend way to much time shuckin’ and jivin’, entertaining, and playing around, and not enough learning, organizing and rehabilitating. As far as where the good brothas are at, they’re there. I just think a lot of them are left in the friend zone.

    • http://www.thecobraslair.com Cobra

      Which is an excellent point. What people are forgetting here is that marriage is also a sexual union. What’s sexually attractive to somebody doesn’t necessarily correlate to compatibility as a spouse.

      There are plenty of good brothers out there. They don’t all necessarily have what is considered “attractive” to what ever sisters they come across. There are plenty of good sisters out there and the same thing applies. Logic is thrown out the window, until way older in life, when looks fade, and companionship takes priority.

      –Cobra

      • YoungCosby

        You’re absolutely right about the sexual component. I think that our society has become even more engrossed with only that component as if it’s the only one of importance. Is it important? You’re dam right it is, lol, but once it’s done, what does that person offer you outside of that? You need a person who is going to provide that balance in your life.

  • Nina

    This is not feminine. This is human. Marriage is not just a tax break. It’s a structure found throughout the WORLD, with a variety of justifications (money, religion, etc), but sociologically it must reflect something very natural and innate about human existence? ______blackwhiteplanet.com_______ is the #1 black women white men dating site. White men dating black women, white men date black women, No one night stand. serious relationship

  • Nope

    Just to sum of what most of the comments from women on here are, and how most women think:
    A man is SUPPOSED to get married, and specifically to HER because that’s what SHE has decided FOR the present man and even the ones she has yet to meet. LMAO, yeah okay……..

    • C’mon son

      You must be reading from the back of a cereal box because that is definitely not the mindset of female commenters on this article. If a man wants to be single and jump around, fine; but don’t lead a woman on or do that to a woman who has made it clear she is looking for a committment or marriage. Despite your “marriage”, you seem to be the consumate woman basher implying how women are selfish and need to take accountability and better themselves while giving all men a pass because ‘that’s how we are’ without needing to take your own accountability. You know, in reality, not just in your head, for relationships to work, both parties, male and female, need to be mature enough to do that, not just the woman.

      • hollyw

        *WHEW!* Thank you, ma’am!! He was doin waaay too much on here, throwing shade left and right and not addressing any of his hypocrisies. *waves church fan*

  • Pseudonym

    How about recasting this panel with an older (50s) married man, a mature and level-headed married man in his 30s (The one in this series is actually good), and then men in their late 20s-30s who actually want to get married, but just haven’t found the right person (and perhaps someone engaged and happy and someone in a relationship and happy). There is no insight to relationships or marriage to be taken from listening to immature single dudes who don’t want to get married. They’d be good to consult on how to finesse casual situations and unattached sex, but they have nothing useful to add to a conversation about marriage. This is like me putting up a panel of straight-haired Japanese women and asking them to give their opinions on how they would style their hair if it were kinky. They have no idea and could only talk out of their backsides, which is exactly what a lot of guys on this panel are doing (and the alcohol consumption just makes it worse).

    • http://www.facebook.com/chriskrolle Chris Kazi Rolle

      Hey! Thanks for you comment. Good ideas. I disagree with some of what you said, but for the most part, we are on the same page.

      I am always open to new ideas and input from caring, engaged viewers like yourself. Keep it coming. I will be listening.

      If you haven’t already heard of me or the work that I have been doing with boys and young men across America for over 20 years, google my name.

    • hollyw

      I hate to say it, but you are dead on on the re-casting lol. I feel like for the topics arising, the panel should actually be flipped; being mostly married, or marriage-minded men, and one or two noncommittal men. It would be more insightful and useful advice for women.

      • http://www.thecobraslair.com Cobra

        What is a “marriage-minded” man who is still single? This either means he A) hasn’t found the “right” one(s) B) Has found the “right” one(s) but they didn’t want him.

        It’s a two-way street, you know.

        –Cobra

        • Harcourth_Vincent_Mudd

          That’s the first valid syllogism I think I’ve ever see you make. Congratulations!

  • Meyaka

    I’m baffled that we as women have been reduced to a few terms and assumptions, I can’t believe that we are now supposed to abide by certain rules and regulations in order to get a man to marry us,where do they do this at? Because my husband had to be a man that I would want to marry not the other way around. Women give most of themselves up to become the number two in your life and it’s still not enough? All a woman ask is for love and respect, the latter being optional nowadays. Gentlemen you are a disappointment.

    Ps:
    I like Tmore this fool said “nah son”
    Flatline!

    • http://www.facebook.com/chriskrolle Chris Kazi Rolle

      Hey Meyaka. Thank for you comment. Duly noted. We appreciate your contribution to forwarding the conversation. Keep it coming.

  • JJ

    We want to be vulnerably secure? What is that exactly? The issue we all seem to avoid is the hard work and commitment in building stuctures together. Everyone wants security from something and a “complete person” meaning we’re already holding back before we even begin and suddenly once we’re in the relationship we come out of hiding and reveal ourselves and give our all and expect the other party to be fully vested. It sounds Cinderella good but sometimes the people you feel aren’t worth your time or may not good enough for you could have the most to give. Sometimes when you work becoming better people together you pull a whole lot more from it than doing it alone to “prepare” for someone so you get the perfect person. Live people. Make mistakes. Expose yourself with only God’s security, not man’s, stop being so afraid to be hurt and love freely and genuinly and truly believe it wont come automatically or soon but real happiness and fulfillment will appear in the end.

  • On_Point

    good so far, but you need to work on their mic’s. find them hard to hear most of the times.

  • dee

    Im never getting married! lol!

  • Jay

    Proverbs 18:22 “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.”

    That is all.

    Many of you have touched upon some very intellectual points. Marriage should not be looked upon as a chore, but as a gift from God. I feel that these men are a bit jaded about what their “ideal women” is supposed to look like (even after childbirth) and behave like. Marriage is about love, and yes, to some degree stability, but you MUST find that stability on your own before you can look for it in another person.

    The REAL issue is that people are in love with the idea of being in love but are not willing to put in the work to STAY in love despite any hardships. Many folks have this idea of what marriage should look like instead of searching deep within themselves to understand what marriage and love should FEEL like.

    How do they challenge you to be better? How can you challenge them to be better? The answers to those questions extend far beyond outer appearance and status.

    Adam and Eve, people, Adam and Eve.

    One can not survive without the other and when you can understand this, inadequate topics such as a women’s “snapback” after birth won’t even cross your mind because your are so overjoyed and grateful that a women would even sacrifice her womb (and appearances) to bring a new life in this world that can and will change you both for the better.

  • Nina

    This is not feminine. This is human. Marriage is not just a tax break. It’s a structure found throughout the WORLD, with a variety of justifications (money, religion, etc), but sociologically it must reflect something very natural and innate about human existence? Interracial women dating?? Black women looking for white men??? Black women loving white
    men???_______blackwhiteplanet.c0m_______is the #1 black women white men dating site. No one night stand. serious relationship

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