If There’s One Thing I Can’t Stand, It’s A Liar: He Lied About His Age…And What Else?

17 comments
March 21, 2013 ‐ By Erica Renee

black couple arguing

 

I investigate. That’s just what I do. I like to know who and what I’m dealing with. Of course, I’ve heard that you shouldn’t go looking for anything because you will find it. And I believe this to a certain extent; but some things a girl just stumbles upon…and in this case it was something I wanted to know about a potential boo.

No, I didn’t discover that he was married or had a few kids stashed away somewhere. He wasn’t a convicted felon, nor did he have a secret life of being on the down-low. It wasn’t any of these catastrophic details that he failed to mention; it was something so insignificant that I didn’t even know a man would lie about: his age.

Yes, while playing investigator on Google I found out that my guy was two years older than he said he was. Immediately I thought, who does that? I know you’re immediately thinking, what’s the big deal? Sure, it’s only two years, but c’mon, it was only two years, so why lie about it? At that moment, my curiosity turned to anger, and then curiosity again. Seriously, who really does that?

Everything else about him added up for the most part, or at least, my investigation didn’t reveal any other secrets; but this was a bit much for me. I don’t do liars. And lying about something so minor, made it suddenly so major. If he chose to lie about this, what else would he lie about? Who was I really dating?

I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and even asked him a second time what his age was, claiming that I had forgotten what he’d said; but to my dismay, he looked me dead in my face with a straight face and lied again. Immediately I realized either this guy had a serious issue with our age gap or he was a compulsive liar. I chose to think both and decided his lie was a huge red flag.

If he was, in fact, lying about his age, that would make him eight years older than me. And while this may have seemed like an immediate dismissal or problem to him, it actually wouldn’t have been for me. I had never dated a man more than five years older than me, but it didn’t mean I wasn’t open to it. What I wasn’t open to, however, was dating a liar.

A good man is hard to find; and although it had only been a few months, I thought I had found one. That was until I found out he was lying about something I wouldn’t have cared about and wound up making me question many more things about him and made me wonder what other lies he had told or would tell in the future. Whatever the reasoning behind the fib, it prevented our relationship from ever really flourishing.

I often think about what could have been, if only he hadn’t lied about something so simple; but I know if he lied about his age, nothing would have been off limits in the future. Lying is most definitely a red flag when weeding through the bad guys; but call me crazy, I still think he was a good guy. He just happened to tell a really stupid, bad lie, and for that reason (and a few other things), he was no longer my type.

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  • loli

    I had a man who lied to me about 12 years. He never admitted it, of course. I had to do a very deep search to find out. He was calling me crazy and laughing in my face that i dont have any proof. The difference between us was 22 years, almost double my age.

  • Ellie laylaw

    i met someone and he lied to me about his age too. he’s 40 years old and he told me he’s 36. i trust every words he had spoken to me, until i investigate him on google. I found out that he married and has two kids. while getting to know him. he told me he’s single, never married. he’s live alone. After, i found all his lies, i asked him again, so you never married, huh? he was like, yeah. and no kids? yeah! In my head, i was shouting, you freaking liar. we are over but i kept it cool. Long story short, i’m no longer with him. im with someone else who faithful to me. if i date someone who lied to my face like that is a BIG NO NO NO.

    • Confuse

      Love this thread. I’m met this guy on dating site and he lied about his age as well . Don’t understand why guys have to do this. He told me he was 43 but he was 53. I Belive everything he told me . Then after 2 weeks he told me he have a son as well. He only told me he had one daughter. I know this might sound strange but then after dating him for 2 months he told him about his second marriage which he ended 3 weeks before he met me . The second marriage only lasted 3 weeks according to him. He explain me everything about what had happened but I get really uneasy and confuse. When he is with me I’m all good as soon as he goes away I feel anxious. I’m trying to justify why he lied to me but I know I’m not doing any justice to myself.

  • Diso98

    I’m in a relationship with a guy who lied to me about his age..:/
    I thought he was two years younger than me but I found out by chance that its actually 7!! I confronted him and he admitted it…….Other than that he IS a good man, though

  • Meyaka

    Off topic (kinda) I had a guy lie about having children,he knew I was not dating anyone with kids so he lied. What kind of man denies his children for a woman? I was utterly disgusted,I don’t want to date a man with kids because I don’t have any ,and I feel any free time or money said man has should be spent on his babies. Long story short the children’s mother found my number and cursed me 6ways to Sunday because she thought I was stopping him from seeing those poor babies,I slapped the hell out of him. I don’t like liars.

    • Cinnamon71

      I’m with you on that one, Meyaka!!! If a woman tells a man straight up she doesn’t want to date a man with a child/children, he should respect her wishes and move on to someone who does. Why lie about it? It will come to light sooner or later, so it’s best to be honest about something that significant as soon as possible. If a man lies about having kids that he knows he has, then that a major red flag and immediate dealbreaker. That’s just low and shows he’s willing to lie just to get what he wants no matter what.

  • http://www.facebook.com/barbara.codner Barbara Codner

    Lying is a huge red flag!! I remember a friend of mine finding out her man’s real age at his funeral!! She also found out that was married before. She didn’t know this man. #smdh

    • FB

      I am not saying to or not to accept the lies. I am simply say allow the person to explain him or herself.

  • FB

    Did you asked him about that? I have purposely set my age to be older and my date of birth to be a month earlier on most online registration form. I even rent a P O Box in a completely zip code. There are security reasons for doing that. For example, with your date of birth and a stolen cable bill, one could create a brand new identity. So if you doing research google may tell you that I am 36 and my birthday is in June. You should have asked him for an explanation, well I hope you did!!

    • cool

      I agree with you here on this and wish to add something as well as food for thought. We as men (though it may not be right) will lie about small things in order to get our foot in the door, and here’s why… As of late women have puy us in such a box..and have such particulars when looking for a “Good” man that they often look over a good man because of small things (such as age..yes even a year or two) when he is right in front of you. This may not look like an issue to the woman because she is the one always being pursued and therefore get to “choose” weather or not to be involved in anyway or to even give the time of day. The man on the ither hand has to deal with the rejection..or qith the knowledge that he has all the attributes that she want except he 2 years older than she would like (which he has learned through experience means he won’t get a chance to show all the others) so in order to at least stand a chance he may opt to lie. Tjough it may seem trivial to you as the woman..to him its almost like survival of the fittest. Understand that there is no stronger pull on a man than to be accepted..wanted..needed by a woman. Picture yourself applying for a job and everytime you apply and are honest about everything on your application but lets say they are adamant about you having 10 years experience or even 5 ..yet you have 8 or 3 respectively, yet know that you can do the job and have all the other requirements. Now you may not lie the firat or second or wven third time..but at some point after the rejections all on this one small issue you may be tempted to lie about that experience and get that job so you can then at least have the chance to prove yourself and that you can do the job and deserve to be there. Again i am not saying it is “right” but there could be legitimate reasons here. Just my opinions and food for thought.

      • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

        so really his lying about his age was HER fault?

        • cool

          Oh no that’s not what i am saying at all. Idk why he lied.. I was merely giving insight or food for thought into why “some” may feel the need to lie about certain things. Again i do not excuse nor make excuses for any bad behavior…but instead giving a bit of thought as to why it may happen in some circumstances. Many people get online and act as if they have never lied about anything in life and how its just “never” a reason for it and its such an evil thing..when in reality they themselves and most people (if not all) they know have lied about something down the line…ijs. Is it her fault though.. No by no means

          • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

            I see . . . . but I believe if you would tell a small really insignificant lie more than once with a straight face makes me think you would lie about big important things. Maybe not a dealbreaker but I’m definitely raising the eyebrow from there on out.

            • cool

              That is understandable but i would suggest bringing it to his attention and ask him to be honest about why he lied..that sounds funny saying it lol.. Did you say you wanted avman of a certain age before he told this lie? Did you seem adamant about it..because when a woman says prefer and doesn’t add anything along with that..the man hears limitation..ijs

              • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

                She needs to listen to her gut and not rationalize away her instincts. Several times in that article she pretty much said she feels like something ain’t right. Better to be safe than sorry. I would chuck up those deuces and be out that mug.

                • cool

                  Lol i feel you though

    • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

      being anonymous online is different than lying to someone you are dating about your age. I mean if you think their going to steal your credit why are you dating them? It looks like he gave her enough information to find him online anyways without the correct birthdate. Me thinks he lied so she wouldn’t dismiss him out the gate for the age difference.