Gentlemen Uncensored, Episode 1: Why Get Married?

122 comments
March 17, 2013 ‐ By Madame Noire

We’ve shown you a sneak peek of the series and given you the lowdown on all the fellas, now it’s time to get right into it with episode 1 of Gentlemen Uncensored. To kick things off, Chris Kazi Rolle, appropriately labeled “The Convo Starter,” kicked off the discussion asking his boys would they get married, why they would get married, and what it would take for them to get down the aisle? Check out their candid convo and let us know what you think down below.

GENTLEMEN UNCENSORED

MEET THE CAST

 

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  • Ladybug94

    The guy with the beer in his hands gives off the vibe that he may have a drinking problem. Seriously.

  • Jessica

    I have to be honest what is wrong with black people? Let’s get real white women give up the booty, mouth and the goodies but know in 1, 2, 3 its time to get married. White men sleep with women and play the field for a few years but realize in 1, 2, 3 its time to get married. Black men play around for decades and black women say they want a husband in their heads but are never upfront because they dont want to scare anyone. What’s wrong with running off the wrong ones by saying day one I looking towards marriage you didn’t say YOU MUST MARRY ME NOW..LOL.. Look my sister saying you are looking towards marriage is the best way to find a husband, but warning you will find the men that share your desires are older and maybe whiter but you find what wants you just as badly.

  • Laugh-Stop.Being.So.Emotional

    Simply stated this is a 5 min clip of a decent number of brothers speaking from “THEIR OWN” personal experiences and opinions. There’s nothing wrong with that. Each individual man has experiences of marriage, single life, increased temptation, or the lack of them. I respect the fact that they’ve all decided to honestly speak their minds, and give insight to why they have, would, or would not get married.

    If anyone decided to view this (again… FIVE = 5 Min clip) that portrays a “handful” of brothers as the answer to why “ALL” men may or may not get married, they were/are fooling themselves. Kazi and team put together a good crew of men for this episode. Common sense should tell us all that 6 individual men will never be able to speak up for each and every man of his own nationality. Expecting them to do so is ludicrous.

    Instead of becoming upset or being judgmental about the edited conversation, lack of desire to get married, and/or comments made, recognize the fact that not every opinion, and/or statement represents “EVERY” black male in society, nor every brother on the panel. If all you’ve taken from this (5 MIN Clip) were the last few edited sentences about Beyonce, chances are your inability to “LISTEN CLEARLY” with open ears and mind continuously prevent you from obtaining a healthy, and happy marriage of your own.

  • Proverbs31Sista

    Isaiah 4:1 – And seven women shall take hold of one man in that day, saying, “We will eat our own bread and wear our own clothes, only let us be called by your name; take away our reproach.”

  • SP08

    Men have no reason to marry when women are giving everything that is special about them away for free. They can have sex, engage you emotionally, get women to cook and take care of them and their home etc. without taking any responsibility for her or family. Even child support makes it easy for men to throw some cash at their baby’s mama and duck their responsibilities. I’m not saying women aren’t the issue here, they ARE part of the problem, for if they said “Clank Clank” on that vajayjay tomorrow and stopped allowing men to get into intimacy with them without commitment, i.e. MARRIAGE, men would fall in line and marry em. We have made ourselves to available out of desperation. Men know this, and many take advantage of this. Guard your heart ladies.

  • OhNoEZ

    These guys are sad. All over 30 ducking and dodging marriage? If this is what MEN think – as a black man – this is far from accurate. Not a very good panel selection. Sorry. but this doesn’t fly.

    • OhNoEZisSlow

      So you believe that a 5 min video and 6 men equate to all MEN… Riiiiiiight. smh lol

  • Dee

    These guys are all fairly superficial. One guy stopped dating a woman because her crib was cluttered and had VHS tapes.. SO WHAT! What if she collects old films, what if she is a hard working woman and doesn’t have time to be at home cleaning all of the time….what if you just caught her on the day her cleaning person called in sick? Then the one who says ‘”she has to make me feel like I am missing something without her”…that is the age old 80/20 rule…she can have 80% of what you want but because you are still looking for that last 20% somehow that translates into a lack of something on her part when it really means you are only looking for the next best thing? But yet women should be just fine with whatever your bringing to the table? Case in point Mr. Divorce who has an ex-wife and possibly children and child support yet he’s got an issue with your vhs tapes…REALLY!? Only one person gave some honest insight into his personality when he said that he basically loves women and loves being with a lot of them and monogamy and marriage may be a hard thing for him. COOL…at least he is honest and spoke about himself, everyone else was more into what she got, how she looks, what she working with and what she looking for, is she taking care of me? I could never have a conversation with these men. The only thing that made me shake my head in agreement is when the guy said that even a baby won’t make him marry you….so ladies…please stop having babies with men thinking this is what will keep him because really it wont. I think for the next episode they stop the drinking and start talking with a more lucid mind.

  • Pseudonym

    This video perfectly represents everything that is wrong with the black American community in regards to how we view romantic relationships and marriage. The entire focus of the discussion was what hoops a woman must jump through to get a man to marry her as if marriage were a prize for the woman who jumps the highest versus a mutually beneficial partnership between two people. Marriage is not a prize you give to someone. Getting married should be considered to be and treated as normal adult behavior and a natural life transition versus the hope diamond that one should be breaking their neck to earn. Let’s be real: marriage is not all that.

    If a man wants me to jump through some hoops for a prize, let that prize be $10 million, payment of all my student loans, a trip to Bali, etc. Being in love with a man in great. But when married, this love comes with having to put up with your b.s. during the bad times, making personal sacrifices for your benefit, being faithful to you sexually no matter how fat or bald you get, etc. THAT is not a prize, boo. THAT is a responsibility. I don’t understand why any man would have the audacity to think they can make a woman jump through hoops so that she can take on the liability that is a husband. and the crazy thing is that there are women out here trying to jump through those hoops.

    Like I said, I’ll jump through a hoop for $10 mill. But if I’m taking YOUR MOMMA to the doctor b/c you have to work and she can’t drive, that IS NOT a prize.

    • Reign

      Pseudonym: Realest thing I ever read. Thanks for your mature perspective.

      My opinion on the video…we are all selfish by nature and we want what we want, I get it. These men are no different. I just hope when it comes down to it they can be realistic, compromise, and recognize that they are not perfect nor is any woman they may seek. What is probably wrong on both the part of men and women is that many of us are looking for the wrong things and therefore ending up with the wrong people. Both genders look for money, good looks, swag, a body, and other superficial things. It’s no wonder the character, values, and commitment are not always full-proof…because you lead your search with what you want superficially instead of leading with what matters MOST. I am speaking about both black men and women here.

      I think Harold, Anthony, and possibly Chris (I have to hear more from him) sounded the most level-headed. But Chris and Harold…a word of advice…don’t have a who’s badder, Beyonce or Solange debate in the middle of the dialogue if you want us women to take you seriously. Otherwise, thanks for your honesty gentlemen. All you can do is be who you are. But I’d also ask that you remain open to constructive criticism.

      And I second the poster who said we need a series like this with 1) women only, and 2) men AND women trading thoughts. Women need to be represented in this discussion at some point.

  • hollyw

    Ok, I’mma just throw this out there; I think Madame Noire should start a Ladies: Uncensored series that would run simultaneously to this one…or perhaps an episode where women (married & unmarried) of similar esteem are invited to join in discussion. Now THAT would be interesting dialogue! Has that been done before?

    Think on it! :-D

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/PC3VICMILDFDI2RKWVJQ5ACD24 jason

    Some of these men must not have heard about all the tax benefits of being married. In the end being married brings home more money, has greater tax benefit and allows for more expensive purchases using credit…….

    • Wtf… smh

      Soooooo taxes… yeah that’s a great reason… NOT! More tax benefits while laying next to your enemy? Somebody needs a lesson that goes deeper when it comes to marriage.

  • Facts or Opinion?

    It’s sad to hear the lack of respect for marriage, and to see how a man’s ego can keep him from experiencing true love. Education, a job, a bank account with some financial flow, transportation, a place to live are all things a individual should have in the first place. The level of the above named are personal preference. These necessities are prerequisites for your own personal needs from the gate. A plus in having them should a man want to include a partner and marry. Besides the tangible items such as the degree, bank statements, car/house keys, money…what else can you provide? What makes you more important than those things you can touch or feel? What is it that makes you? What about character? Can you be honest and/or loyal? Are you easily persuaded by others opinions or can you think for yourself and not care about the criticism or backlash for your choices? Can you control urges that will prove to be unhealthy if your in a serious relationship/marriage? If you make a choice and it proves to be a bad one, are you able to take responsibility? Are you open minded or is your way of thinking always right? Where do you stand with religion/spirituality? (which the lack of it is all of our problem and how we got here in the first place).

    I could go on with the questions that really should not be gender based because they apply to us all. But since we are discussing what it takes for a man to get down the isle and the ideas are coming from a panel of men…exactly what else do you have to offer that is intangible? What would make me choose you? I mean all that other stuff means nothing if your character is questionable. What say you?

    • NurseBear

      Thank you for you thought provoking and insightful comment!

    • http://www.facebook.com/chriskrolle Chris Kazi Rolle

      Thank you for your comment! Well said. Appreciate it.

      So much questions here. We would love to have you be a part of a live event convo that we are planning. We will answer any question you want us to.

  • JessicaC

    I’d like to say YAY, this is awesome information but it’s actually POINTLESS information. When you are arrested for some offense, it makes NO sense to talk to the person who is in jail with you because he’s where you DON’T want to be. If he could help you, wouldn’t he have helped himself? If it’s women that you want/don’t want to marry, why not have a conversation with them to discuss why/why not. ALSO, these types of conversation have to be taken with a grain of salt because the misperception is that women are not given a choice to be single, they are obligated to be single because no man has come to *read dramatically* save them from the abyss of loneliness. This conversation and those like it to me are like having spaghetti the same way your whole life. Add a chicken breast and garlic bread. . .spice it up a little. #turnup

  • maggie

    Most of these men are emotionally unavailable.

    • you madd

      Thank you…..most of these men need to work on who THEY are…because they dont speak as nobodys GOOD MAN….why do they deserve a GOOD WOMAN?? you must be who and what you want to attract. You cant carry hurt, pain and insecurity into a relationship and expect it to work.

  • Tim P

    People who arent married have the most superficial comments about marriage. Its kind of disheartening, but understandable. Unmarried people should be silent, IMO humble opinion.

  • YoungCosby

    As a young Black man from New York, I can tell you that this is not how all of us act. Although I do know quite a few who act exactly like this, this cannot be said for all of us. The problem is these videos area product of casting just like any other show. So people are picked based on the message and images the creators want to portray. Anyone that doesn’t fall within that model will be chucked to the side like firewood.

    I also hate the fact that because of videos like this,all Black men get lumped up into one big cesspool and has the women of the world thinking that all Black men are like this. They all pretty much look and sound the same, all the different types of Black men aren’t represented. Where are the Christian men? Or the nerd Black men? Or just the plain down to earth Black man? Or the socially conscience Black man?

    I’m pretty sure that this cast was chosen bywomen, and the fact that I see more complaints than compliments on thisvideo shows that there are still women out there that make bad choices when it comes to men, no matter what it comes to. But, if it’s a man doing the casting, your judgement in character is to be questioned.

    • KamJos

      You start out good, then break down in your last paragraph. You state that you are disappointed yourself with the casting choices in the video, yet you also state tht the fact that women are complaing about the video (as you are yourself) means that women still make bad choices. Or are you trying to say that because you believe women cast this video that women make bad choices in men? (Although the dissent in the comments would give evidence that’s not true).

      • YoungCosby

        I see the confusion, I guess what I was trying to states that the choices that women make can be reflected in the casting of the males in this video, not by the women who are complaining in the comments.

        • KamJos

          Ok, but there will always be humans who make bad choices. It’s not exclusively a male or female thing. I hope you weren’t trying to say that it was.

          • YoungCosby

            Yeah, you’re absolutely right. We are all susceptible to our own weaknesses which lead us into making bad decisions. But, let’s keep it subjective. We have a discussion entitled, “Why get married?” The men who were chosen were either picked by a man or woman casting agent, or person who is the head of media for Madame Noire. What I was pointing to is that the casting, if done by a woman shows that there are women who say that they want this, but go for that or they are trying to show that these men are the cream of the crop because they “have their stuff together” and if the casting was done by a man picked men who are probably too close to their own personality, or doesn’t have a great judge of character to spot your “average dude” that most women aren’t trying to give the time of day. Just look at the comments from the women on this video, about 90% of them said that they would never deal with dudes like the ones in the video.

            Reason being is because they didn’t address the question at hand, it was more of a “I’m so amazing, and this is what these chics need to do to possibly get me to pop the question which is gonna be the luckiest day of their life because I’m that amazing.” Not one of these guys said get married because if you find a woman who is good to you, and will take care of you when your up, or down, or sick, or in trouble, she’s worth keeping. Get married because she’s a compliment to your life. Get married because men who are married live longer than men who aren’t. Get married because people who are married make more money than people who are not (approximately 90% of millionaires in the US are married.) Get married because you truly love this woman and she has proven herself to be in love with you, demonstrates it everyday in a variety of ways, she wants the best for you, will encourage and help you through all of your endeavors, will be faithful and loyal to you, and be your best friend.

            I wanted to say that initially with out typing a dam thesis, but I guess I had too lol.

            • KamJos

              Chris Kazi Rolle has stated that he was the one who chose the men, to answer your question. So not a woman this time.

    • hollyw

      Fyi hun, I think these men were chosen by @facebook-100002631366690:disqus, the Convo Starter..(he’s a man)?

    • http://www.facebook.com/chriskrolle Chris Kazi Rolle

      Young Cosby. Thanks for your comments. I am Chris Kazi Rolle. To answer your question, I collaborated with a group of women to chose the panel. I have read your comments and respect your views. Your entitled to your perspective.

  • http://www.facebook.com/oluwabumi.ajayi Oluwabumi Ajayi

    Coming from someone who is in their 20’s, I am truly grateful for this series…why? Because it shows me what to avoid!

    I do enjoy them speaking on how they “honestly” feel (even though I believe some of their “feelings” maybe dramatized for the series)their feelings just aren’t realistic. All I heard, like many others stated, was “I want” & “she got to have …” (ohhh and the “she gotta be badder than Beyonce…) but what about YOU? what are you really bringing to the the table? How can you improve yourself?

    While, support these series (& they should be longer as a way to show more of the opinion rather than leaving us with 4 minutes to judge *I also read the comment that in the case of internet series shows over 5minutes aren’t as successful, but in this case dealing with this topic I do think it would be GREAT*) I enjoy men sitting around giving their thoughts, but there should definitely be more diversity not in looks but more so opinions.

    And to the women watching, who really believe this is the truth – take this ALL with a grain of salt (as some else said) ALL men DO NOT think like this.

    Don’t be discouraged.

  • Dcarter910

    I dont think this cast of eligible bachelors were any way an example of quality men that women should want. With that having been said, the emotional and mental immaturity of these men are EXACTLY why marriages are needed. You ladies dont like what these men have to say but these men to me are the product of little boys that grew up without a father so they are trying define something (marriage) which has never been defined for them through the example of a father in the home. ….a good father. If you are tired of these types of men..stop procreating with these types of men. Many of you women here will say that you wont or dont but I bet most of you have or have friends that are.

    Plain and simple. The best thing this video has done or can do is show how important who you procreate with and or marry really is. How important it is for boys to have a good father so that they can NOT be “grown-boys” one day but “grown-men”!

    You would never see an indian woman, chinese woman, white woman or african woman approach these types of men but guess what? Let one of those brothas go to a bar, they are guaranteed to leave with a sister (black american woman) by the end of the night. And according to statistics, the sex will probably unprotected which will lead to an STD or unwanted pregnancy.

  • Sharon

    It is so amazing to me that how so double standard men can be (especially black men). Based on my understanding what I got out of the conservation, they want to still do what they want to do if they do decide to get married. I don’t think you should play game with marriage. If you still want to have sex with other women, then don’t bother to get married! Once again a bunch of black guys talking out of both sides of their mouth. Sorry.

  • KamJos

    Ok I gave this a chance, but I was still disappointed. I think the best part was when Harold started to talk about what it would take to get him married: he has to feel like he is missing something by not marrying her. But then it got derailed in a talk about looks (the Beyonce comment). I think he was trying to have a deeper conversation about what he wants in a companion, I would have liked to hear it.

    Ultimately I think the reason why there is a reluctance for marriage is because they can get all the benefits of marriage without actually marrying. Women are doing far too much, too early, too soon. A man can have all the trappings of a wife, without actually declaring her as such then move on to the next one until he gets bored. He’ll get all his emotional, physical and sexual needs met without having to make any serious committment. No wonder two of them said that they have options. They can actually afford to be a picky since the market is flooded.

    • You MADD

      Exactly!!! All these women are willing to bend over backwards to get the man just to be your dam boyfriend… Then why would he ever need to make u his wife to get any of those needs met? Men like comfort.. And if you re making them comfortable without them having to do much or give an effort they will continue to do so and will test you wit other women to see if they can get away with that as well! Nope… I’ve been thru this too many times to know better.

      • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

        Most men even black men will get married at some point in their life. The difference between those women they marry and those they shack up with for years and eventually leave for women that they ultimately marry is making that man feel as though she is so fly that if he doesn’t make an honest woman out of her there are TONS of men waiting in line with a ring to do exactly that. Its hard to convey that urgency when you are living with him after 6 months having his children after a year. Gotta save somethings for your husband.

    • olivia

      What Harold was saying is true for both sexes so i’ll give him that. I also look for security in marriage.

      But what you said in your second paragraph is dead on.

    • http://www.facebook.com/chriskrolle Chris Kazi Rolle

      Excellent points! Thanks you for joining the conversation.

      Sorry that we disappointed you. Unfortunately we can’t please everyone. After doing this work for 10 years, I have discovered that only the disappointed people speak up. There are countlesss amount of women who actually get something from these type of candid conversations from men. We tried to provide something for each woman out there. I chose men from my social circle that I though were completely different in their outlook so we could have a very well rounded conversation. Out of curiosity, and commitment to make sure every woman gets what she needs, what would have made you happy to hear?

      Also let me add something that might have not been evident with the Beyonce comment. It might be the way it was edited. It was asked not based on looks. It was asked because Bey had all of the qualities he mentioned earlier goals, intelligence, her own money and she look attractive. She was a popular figure that we could identify with. Using a well known figure makes it easier to collectively relate on a topic. — We will be doing a live event and so you will get to hear Harold expound on what he meant and hear other men detail what would make them get married. Stay tuned…

      • KamJos

        I want to hear Black people having DEEP, MEANINGFUL discussions like my parents have with me, like hear from other married people. On your article you had a meaningful discussion on what marriage was like. You mentioned that proper communication was key, and respecting each other by not insulting each other was another good piece of my advice. This is sooo much better than the usual things that just focus on women cooking and cleaning (and the 10 million other things women do wrong). And what you wrote is actually what I see in successful marriages.

        I’m not expressing my disappointment to knock you, discourage you or make you feel bad. The reason I keep expressing my disappointment is because these discussions (this one and the many I see online) are making me come to some very disturbing conclusions. That it’s either 1) the view of marriage has become so completely broken among Black people that no one really knows what it is anymore. or 2) that this is just the cultural view of marriage that Black people in America have (and something I do not want then, for myself or future children). Or even worse that number 1 has caused number 2.

        I date outside my race, but I still wish for a healthy and happy Black community, one that is fulfilled in love and companionship. What I’m seeing now is a lot of hurt women who want committment but don’t get it and a lot of men who have fun playing the field when they are young, but become bitter when they are older and need to find one to settle down with, because they realize that they have to pick from women with holes in their hearts from their younger “playing the field” days. And when men and women actually do make a committment, either long term or in marriage, they struggle because they have a selfish view of what it’s like to be with someone or a totally unrealistic view of the expectations.

        Something’s gotta change man, or else the future looks real bleak for future generations.

  • koffybrown

    I really wish men would “say” what they really mean. These men are all over the place and talking over eachother. I’am so over men talking about what it takes to get them down the isle. How about, what would it take to get a woman down the isle? Please brothers enlighten us. We’ll wait………

  • FromUR2UB

    Eh. Just as I’d expected: more of the same, guys acting like some woman has to work to get them. I’d rather take a nap.

    • koffybrown

      LMAO! A nap sounds real good right now.

    • http://www.facebook.com/BlueJayInBk Jamilah Muhammad

      Siesta Time~
      I feel the same way!!!

  • Nina

    he men that seemed to have the least positive outlook on marriage/women
    also seemed to have the most superficial expectations for marriage/women…Interracial women dating?? Black women looking for white men??? Black women loving white
    men???_______blackwhiteplanet.c0m_______is the #1 blackwomen white men dating site. No one night stand. serious relationship

    • I’mSoDumb

      Ummm What? Smh… Wrong forum. lol

  • Meyaka

    Eloquent ignorance is ignorance non the less.

    • http://www.facebook.com/chriskrolle Chris Kazi Rolle

      Meyaka! We meet again here in the comments. I like that you are in the conversation. This is the goal. We need to understand each other. How better to do it than to engage in conversation.

      Expound on this statement: “Eloquent ignorance is ignorance non the less.” ???

      • yeppers

        To help explain Eloquent Ignorance…I think Meyaka is referring the the men engaging in this intellectual discussion, but still not really scratching the surface of any Deep and meaningful THOUGHT PROVOKING information. Your truth may be that you sleep with as many women as you can…however wrapping that up in a cute bow does not make me side-eye you any less.

        • Meyaka

          Thank you.

        • hollyw

          PREACH! This is a major problem in the dating game b/t Black intellectual males and females! Educated men will explain away their sordid behavior with sophisticated wording, while simultaneously blaming their female counterparts on the reason why they are still unattached, when it is actually their own behaviors that’s the reason! Other than your education, what distinguishes you from the avg, irresponsible manwh*re? How can I tell the diff. between you and a man who’s still on those games and not ready for what I have to offer? How are you preparing yourself for your lifemate, still banging mad chicks?? Answer: YOU’RE NOT.

          • http://www.facebook.com/chriskrolle Chris Kazi Rolle

            Good questions. I am sorry that your experience of educated men is what it is. I pray that thing changes for you.

            • hollyw

              LOL I appreciate the uplift; this hasn’t been my entire experience w/ the educated Black male, just a common scenario where I or a gf would meet a man who isn’t nec. in the same mindframe as I, but for whatever reason, is not transparent about this (Dr. J wrote a piece on this behavior the other day on MN), leaving women either clueless or as investigators…

              Oftentimes, though, due to their ‘good on paper’ stats, some women will mistake a good man for a good mate, when he isn’t at that level in his development…but all that to say…yeah, I’m in a relationship. It has changed :)

              I appreciate your steady responses to the masses!

            • Ladybug94

              Hmmm. I didn’t quite get the vibe of educated from listening to these guys talk. It seemed more like that were trying to sound profound but underneath it all were really saying nothing.

        • http://www.facebook.com/chriskrolle Chris Kazi Rolle

          I hear you. You are entitled to your opinion and perspective. I am happy to hear it. I appreciate you sharing your view. Not every woman who reads and hear these men speak share your perspective. So is life. We won’t all agree. The goal however is for us to be “in” the conversation. Listen. Learn and ask the question that will take us deeper into meaningful though provoking information. Years ago there where not this many engaging conversations between men and women. I am thankful for this and the many conversations that are happening.

          We will also be having a live conversation, please join us. I am committed to you getting what you need.

      • Meyaka

        These men want all of the benefits of marriage without having to “wife” anyone. The equivalent would be seeking a lucrative career without having to work hard at it or fully commit to it.

        • http://www.facebook.com/chriskrolle Chris Kazi Rolle

          I hear you. I am sorry that you feel that way, but that you truth and I respect it. Thanks for clarifying. :-)

  • urban hippie

    I enjoyed the one guy they talked about his marriage with the bald head. I wish he would have talked more because he seemed to have or would have a mature perspective on life, relationships and marriage. Even his body language seemed to disagree with the other immature comments. i.e “women get married because they want stability (financially).” Statistics already have proved black women are more educated and have more professional careers than man”. This is not what a women (black women) needs or want. Like someone else stated “we want emotional stability, a best friend, someone who has our back to walk through life together.” Walking into a relationship for superficial reasons, looks, money, passing up someone b/c VHS are everywhere is exactly how you will leave the marriage, because this isn’t the foundation of a marriage. ps. you dont stay young forever, with good looks. Working at the hospital you see those married couples when one is sick, never leaving there side, making sure they get the care they need etc. One of your many side chick are not going to do that b/c they use you like you use them. That what marriage is about because there will come a time in your life when you will realize why it is important to have life partner.

    • you madd

      Well GOOD LOOKS arent in some of their corners (to bring to the table)….So Im not sure any of the guys i saw in the video up above (since looks are SO important to them) SHOULD BE GOING UP TO BEYONCE OR SOLANGE SAYING ANYTHING.

      Sorry, Not Sorry.

      • hollyw

        DEAD! Okay, Solange, Mrs. Huxtable; BEYONCE?!? I said the saaame thang to myself, but I wasn’t gone say nothin! Who on that panel is Mr. Huxtable, an NFLer, or Jay-Z???

        • you madd

          Lol i always find it funny when men amongst themselves go ON about whether they would choose beyonce and have all these scenarios…But at the end of the day would a Beyonce choose you??? And would you have the NERVE to approach a woman of HER caliber talking that mess u talking…most of these guys would never approach her and she dam shol wouldnt approach them, so they WILL NEVER have to worry about making that choice.

          • http://www.facebook.com/chriskrolle Chris Kazi Rolle

            You Madd, I want to clarify something that this very short clip doesn’t highlight. When we speak of Beyonce we speak of a well roundedness. Looks are included. I respect your comments. Your entitled to them.

            We love you and all black women watching this show. We really love you all. I hope that you know that !

          • Ladybug94

            Tee hee hee. I actually needed this laugh. Thanks for writing this.

      • http://www.facebook.com/chriskrolle Chris Kazi Rolle

        Wow!

    • http://www.facebook.com/chriskrolle Chris Kazi Rolle

      Thanks for watching. We appreciate you feedback. We will get Tmor to speak more. Love what you said. Keep it coming!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1303528381 Michelle Cooke

    No self-respecting woman would ever marry these fools.

    • http://www.facebook.com/chriskrolle Chris Kazi Rolle

      Michelle! LOL! Tell us how you really feel. — Wow!

  • tahlyuh

    New York dudes. Hopefully, this series progresses.

    • I can’t

      These are typical NY cats. Wack and immature acting like they are going to be young forever. Its not totally on them though, there are plenty women swooning over these clowns.

      LOL @ The divorced dude acting like he’s hot sh#t.

      Blank stare at the “can’t stay monogamous” guy. There is nothing cute about a grown man who can’t keep his d*ck in his pants.

      • Yes Gawd

        Girl aint nothing CUTE about him even if he DID keep it in his pants…Yeah I SAID IT! *In my Tamar voice*

        The absolute NERVE of some of these guys to womanize women…and then act like you WANTED to be treated that way because you didnt ASK them not to be. He need to find whoever is FOR him FAST and SIT DOWN. Chiiiillle…. I wouldnt look twice. No Gawd.

  • Deeds

    I really enjoyed the dialogue. Can you please make this longer?

  • http://www.facebook.com/ashley.harrell.52493 Ashley Harrell

    It’s always interesting to me to hear men discuss important matters with their friends the way women discuss them with ours. As long as you keep your topics diverse, speak as openly and honestly as you do in private, and don’t censor opinions based on the backlash you might receive I will certainly watch the show just for a fresh perspective on familiar topics.

    • http://www.facebook.com/chriskrolle Chris Kazi Rolle

      That’s exactly how we feel. Appreciate your outlook. Thanks!

  • Ooh La La

    I’m on the fence with this one. While I support men being able to say what they honestly feel, I feel like some men do so without an honest reflection of themselves. Like the guy at the end who says, “I come with a lot” meaning he brings a lot to the table, from what I’ve seen –not about him specifically because I obviously don’t know him like that– men who usually say that are bragging about basics. “I got a degree, I got a job, I make this money,” etc… And it’s like AND? Those are things you should have/do. The media, including sites like these, press so hard onto us that good men are in such short supply, that the ones who are barely scratching the bottom of minimum requirements have this attitude like they’re a glory to behold. When I was in college I literally had a guy brag to me about how he doesn’t have any kids… What!? Unmaried and in you’re early twenties, umm… that’s how it should be.

    • hollyw

      Took the words out my mouth. Men’s arguments eventually fold with these convos b/c the reality of it is, women as a whole are achieving over them, so then they end up coming w/the last resort: “Well I’m the best out there right now…”, I.e. lower your standards, which implies that either Black women don’t deserve better men, or that there’s simply not enough good men around. Neither is true.

      I’ll wait!!

      • yeppers

        I will gladly wait as well.. Amen sista..

    • must.love.horses

      True!..but the statistics read otherwise…..I can ‘understand’ a black man being proud to be educated with no kids…….why? because THIS IS NOT COMMON IN OUR SOCIETY. This young black (in his 20’s) man would ‘most likely’ have come from a broken home, with un-university-educated parents whom didn’t have a financially flexible income and unfortunately the products of these environments are typically the same as the variables. To be quite honest….I have come from a ‘country club’ wealthy black family and I have been exposed to the finer things in life with the ‘things under the belt’ to show for it.Where I come from…it is expected to have ‘double’ the basics…and I yet still find myself being a bit ‘proudly boastful’ with these qualifications and culturing as a black woman in general, why? again…THIS IS NOT COMMON IN OUR SOCIETY.

  • London

    This needs to be longer. I heard alot of “I want”.

    • http://www.facebook.com/chriskrolle Chris Kazi Rolle

      It does have to be longer. Research shows that longer than 5 minutes doesnt work for the internet. More to come…. Keep watching!

  • Ms_Mara

    I can always appreciate candid discussion coming straight from the source. Takes all the guesswork out of it for us.

    • you madd

      Exactly…tells us what we DONT want…

      • http://www.facebook.com/chriskrolle Chris Kazi Rolle

        What do you want “you madd”??

        • you madd

          OK you really want to know. I understand that this is a format to truly get the underlying ideas of these men (grown boys would be more fitting) as it relates to women im guessing they have come in contact with. Because Im sure they are not trying to generalize women as a whole (I HOPE NOT). But i would like to see some of their ideas and their treatment of women challenged, by someone older maybe more mature. If these men have daughters WOULD THEY WANT THEM TREATED THIS WAY??? Im sure they dont, so why carry on the cycle of mistreatment. These men seem to not want to learn from their mistakes, nor do they seem to take a look inside themselves and see how they may not be the best option for a good woman (AND WORK ON THAT). I call it nickels looking for dimes, and it is a practice done by both men and women. MY potential mate would be one that is grounded and understands the love of God. I he truly understands THAT and lives by it then he understand the importance of a good woman and respect given by making her his wife, and the same respect is given by him being her husband. I work daily on becoming the best woman I can be and the woman God has called me to be and I only WANT a man that is doing the same. I also dont need anyone to complete me, because I am made Whole by by believe in myself. Im not going to dumb down so someone feels more comfortable. I know that as a woman I cant force someone to be great or live up to their potential, But i want to see these men be the best they can be. Not just for a woman but for themselves..the saying rings true. ITS TOO MANY PEOPLE EXPECTING TO GET A “GOOD ONE” AND NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE ACTUALLY BEING A “GOOD ONE” ….Also quite AMAZING to me is the fact that we can get hundreds of Black men to debate the qualities of being a ho, but none passionate enough to CHANGE their community.

          • C’mon son

            I’m glad that person asked because your comment was so beautiful, real, and needed to be read.

          • HookedOnPhonicsWorkedForMe

            Hopefully his grammar and writing are of GOD too, because yours definitely needs help girl. LMAO #CreativeWriting101

  • sabrina

    As always, I’ll take whatever these men say with a grain of salt.

  • Yay!

    Ugggh…. Not too impressed so far, but I’ll keep watching.

    • http://www.facebook.com/chriskrolle Chris Kazi Rolle

      Hey Yay! Thanks for the feedback! — What would impress you?

      • you madd

        I actually REALLY LIKE these series, is shows the immaturity that of these OLD OLLLLD men are still dealing with. They all look upwards to 40 years old OR MORE….still talking about smashing and this that and the third. WOW. I like seeing what I would NOT want in a mate. So Im glad. Im not impressed by anything their saying, because ignorance doesnt impress me. just because you are explaining womanizing behavior using big college words and speaking well, doesnt make it sound any less ignorant to me. And the guy that said that all women want to be married for stability….WHAT!!? But in the next breath we will throw up in your face t that we are independent and stable. So which is it? Are we not stable or are we??? And as a MAN, you should want to provide the woman you LOVE with emotional stability. You should both need eachother in that aspect. You can tell hes VERY immature because who thinks ALL women need marriage for stability.

      • hollyw

        These men talking about what they’re bringing to the table other than financially. As soon as The Youngin spoke on women and stability, I was like, “Yep, you right…but unfortunately for you, not in the way you think…” I NEED a man to be emotionally/mentally stable! I was just waiting for The Divorcee to say exactly what he’s “working with”, too, b/c for dudes (esp. Black dudes), they rarely see the need to go past a good job, MAYBE a degree or two, and good bedroom behavior. I actually dated a 30-something divorcee. All I’ll say is WOW.

        Next topic: What are your flaws and how have you worked on them? GO.

        • FAMURattler85

          I second that “next topic”

        • olivia

          Thanks, I am so tired of hearing men talking about “bringing things to the table” when they really aren’t bringing anything out of the ordinary.

          No shade, but I think I heard the divorcee say that he worked for the Board of Ed. He’s a working class guy like the everybody else.

          Please have him explain exactly what it is that he brings…

          • you madd

            cus it sounds to me like all most of them are bringing to the table is ignorance…And I DONT have room for that at my table. Sorry. We both should be bringing jobs/etc. to the table…some dudes think thats ALL They need to have and they can LIE they way thru their whole lives.

            • Jamie

              I agree, they do all this taking about what black women should bring to the table when they are not doing it themselves. Especially the guy in the gray jacket talking about he comes with a lot and one guy ask him if the woman made more money that him would he have a problem, he did admit that he had a problem at first but he was okay. When ask if he would stay at home and take care of he kids while the wife worked, he sounded like he did not even want to be bother with that. I think as usual, black me talk out of both sides of their mouth.

              • hollyw

                He sholl did! At first, he was sounding good, as if he’d matured in his ideologies, like when he was young, he couldn’t stand a chick making more, now he’s like come with it…BUT when the younger guy asks if he could THEN stay home w/ the kids, he was like, yeah…but no…??? So you’d rather the household take a virtual HALF salary cut when you’ve just had a baby so you can “do what you gotta do”, b/c staying at home is her ‘rightful place’?? Which only further proves that what he is ‘bringing to the table’ is subpar, as suspected…

        • http://www.facebook.com/chriskrolle Chris Kazi Rolle

          Good idea. Thanks!

  • Trish

    I don’t see why anyone that is not religious or in the military would get married anymore. What’s the point?

    • Ooh yeah baby, right there…

      If not to procreate, what’s the point.

      • Ms. Kameria

        There really is none…..other than the legalities of marriage, maybe the “show” of a wedding….I really don’t know…I’m not getting married, so I don’t know any other reasons.

        • you madd

          Well Im not having sex until Im married personally…Nor are you living with me until youre my husband. So if you want to remain my boyfriend (with no sex) until they bury you six feet under step right on up. My body is for my husband, and not for random men that think they are special enough, or have lied enough to be my boyfriend….but hey DO YOU.

          • Ms. Kameria

            Thank you very much. I will…..happily. Forgive me if I’m not wasting my life chasing after a ring.

            • you madd

              I will not be chasing anyone anywhere, My mother actually taught me to be a LADY and have standards which is why I have this mentality….If a man doesnt want to be there and respect me enough to make me his wife (before he sleeps with me). Then he can gladly step. A WOMAN doesnt need to chase little BOYS to do anything, because a MAN knows how to FIND a wife… work on that…OR DONT. Its truly your life. I on the other hand know my worth…and i have been deemed Worth a man willing to be my husband. I dont accept anything LESS for myself.

            • Trish

              Jessica Simpson waited til she was married to have sex too. Look at her now… Divorced from her 1st husband and engaged to the new guy with (soon to be) 2 out of wedlock kids with him. Waiting until your married for sex doesn’t guarantee security that the marriage will work out the way you plan.

              • You madd

                Who says anything is a guarantee??? It’s not guaranteed that you won’t walk out your door and get hit by a bus tomorrow… Is there a better garantee in NOT doing it that way i need to know about??? And I could really care less about what Jessica Simpson did. I don’t know her and this RIGHT HERE is my body my level of respect and standards are mine. I don’t have a reality show about my marriage the last I checked or multi million dollar company. So why would anything Jessica Simspon did apply to me. I’m a grown woman.. I don’t need to watch TV to glean the standard of what I let inside of my body. Thanks tho.

                • Trish

                  Why are you getting so defensive? This is just the internet and I was just making an observation. The only point I was making is that there is no guarantee in anything and that you shouldn’t imply that someone has lower standards than you do or doesn’t know their worth for living their life the way they choose. Calm down and have a drink of water or something…

                  • Ms. Kameria

                    Once again….I agree. To only be 25 and to have had only 1 sexual partner, I know that my standards and self worth is EXCELLENT compared to other 25 year olds that I know who are working on their 3rd child and can’t even spell the word “married”. Like I said before, just because I’m not holding my breath waiting for someone to propose to me doesn’t make me less of a LADY than anyone else……

                    • you madd

                      You are a lady..and no one should make you feel less than. Man or Woman, however understand that different people have different standards of how they deal with men and sex. I am very adamant about what I will and wont do and i am sticking to that, you may be more lenient and thats worked for you then im happy. just like I shouldnt judge why you are, doesnt mean you should judge why I choose to remain celibate, as that is an individuals choice. I just get annoyed when people back up someones standards with what Kim K, Jessica Simpson Etc do with their life. My standards are based on my experiences and what I deem important in a life partner. If your standards/needs are different then that doesnt make you or me wrong. I wont shrink or be made to feel weird by my choices, and neither should you. Long as you have peace and can sleep at night then do you. Im certain God will love us both just the same.

                    • Trish

                      Ok. Well, I didn’t mean to offend you. I encourage people that plan on marrying to wait until their married. I just don’t like it when it seems like someone is looking down on those that have decided not to marry or that haven’t decided to wait until marriage. I never plan on getting married, so I don’t know what I am waiting for lol I suppose until I am ready but I wasn’t trying to make you feel weird or judge you about your choices.

              • Ms. Kameria

                I agree

              • SP08

                You surely cannot use one example of a failed marriage to brand all marriage as bad. You have no idea how a marriage with your involvement will turn out. Waiting to have sex before marriage doesn’t guarantee anything other than you remained faithful. I think it is honorable, for no other man can say he ran up into Jessica Simpson all willy nilly. Why isn’t virtue valued in this culture anymore especially considering all the STD’S out there.

          • Pivyque

            I think that is great! I love it when I hear people do that!

          • ieshapatterson

            Preach.

          • zzz beauty

            Bad idea what if he is lousy in bed…most divorces are based on infidelity and bad sex is usually the main reason. Let’s all be honest with ourselves -the quest for good sex is number one reason for finding apartner. I’m surprised the brothas didn’t adress this issue.

            • you madd

              Thats not my reason for finding a partner….nor will it be for the one that I find. If it is your reason then im glad for you, and much luck with that. Like Nene says IF YOU LIKE IT, I LOVE IT.

            • hollyw

              LOL what?! I’ll admit this just made me chuckle lol…but that is not the reason for most divorces; it’s actually finances, followed by a difference in values lol…sexual compatibility is important, but if they start on that foolishness, I might just boycott this whole series. They already sound a fool now!

      • Trish

        Well, some people don’t want to have kids, but they are religious in the sense that they want to be married before they have sex or live with someone. As far as the military goes, with all of the moving involved, it’s better to be married rather than to come out of your own pocket to pay to move with your bf/gf.

      • http://www.facebook.com/chriskrolle Chris Kazi Rolle

        Kids that grow up in a two parent household, more often than not, have a better upbringing.

    • hollyw

      there are mad benefits to being a married couple, as well; esp. w/ children. also, from a mental/statistical perspective, married couples are more likely to stay together longer and are happier as individuals. Ijs

      • Trish

        Well, I take statistics about happiness with a grain of salt. They don’t survey every married couple and some lie about how they feel because they want to convince others how great marriage is. When children are involved, I can understand, but I am not having kids…so…lol

        • hollyw

          ,,,right lol. Well kids aside, researchers usually account for liars/exaggerators; they don’t just do question surveys. I know it’s not supposed to be said…but there’s something to be said about growing older w/ someone. Like someone else said, family/friends only account for so much. When someone’s in the hospital for an illness/on your deathbed, how many of those at the bedside are bff or boyfriend?? Then you want your life partner!! =

    • Stanley 001

      I don’t see that either.

    • SP08

      Beside religious/ military obligations there are countless studies out there which validate the value of stable marriages on society. Men who are married earn more money and are more readily promoted, have better mental stability, live longer, and believe it or not enjoy sexual activities a whole lot more. Children who grow up in a household with married parents are well adjusted, and don’t for the most part deal with broken homes or the absence of a father, and society is better off for it. Women keep fighting the role of a housewife, but we were created to rear children and take care of home and are most happy doing just that. This society and it’s values have duped us and it is costing us dearly. Feminism has sold women a bill of goods and now we can’t figure out why we aren’t happy. Men think that marriage is the end of their life. You can destroy a race by demolishing the family and that is what Black men and women have done because of their selfish ways and misinformation concerning marriage. You can destroy a whole civilization by devaluing marriage and family.

  • hollyw

    The men that seemed to have the least positive outlook on marriage/women also seemed to have the most superficial expectations for marriage/women…

    Let the married men speak!! Lol

    • KMarie

      “Let the married men speak!! Lol”

      AGREED!!! Get into the mind of a married man to understand how to get married.