How To Leave One Man For Another, And Not Make It Messy

March 15, 2013  |  
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How To Leave One Man For Another

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Most of the time, there is no excuse to leave one person and jump immediately into a relationship with another. If you’re so emotionally prepared to be totally entwined with a new man, you have probably been emotionally checked out of your relationship with your current man for a while. And you should have addressed that a long time ago, instead of bringing things to the point where you just walk out for someone new. However, sometimes, you can think you’re perfectly happy in your relationship, and you just meet someone who changes everything. You see now that your current partner is not right for you, and you can’t un-see that. So what do you do?

Don’t cheat

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Don’t cheat

If you plan on leaving one man for another, have patience: you’ll be with the new guy soon enough. Do not become physically intimate with the future guy before leaving the current one. In the moment you may justify it with, “But I’m leaving my boyfriend anyways…” but the guilt will never leave you. Plus, you risk backing out of your decision to leave your current man, and then you’re just a cheater, keeping a dark secret in a relationship.

Don’t tell the person you’re leaving

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Don’t tell the person you’re leaving

The man you are leaving does not need to know you’re leaving him for someone else. He knows that some time down the line you’ll be with someone else, right? But he doesn’t need to know that that will literally be the night you leave him. That only adds insult to injury and makes him feel that the relationship meant nothing to you. All he needs to know is why he is not the right person for you. He doesn’t need to know why somebody else is.

Wait to go public

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Wait to go public

Out of continued respect to your old partner, don’t flaunt your new relationship around town. Easy on the PDA when you’re out with your new man for the first few weeks after leaving your other man. You never know who may see you.

Wait to bring him around your friends

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Wait to bring him around your friends

Leaving one man for another is something that is hard for your good friends to swallow. Even if you know you’re doing the right thing, your friends will be questioning your new relationship. And you know that once your girlfriends question your relationship, they always will. You can tell them you’re talking to someone new, but give them time to get over your breakup (yup, they need that time to heal too!) before introducing a brand new, full-fledged boyfriend to them.

Wait to bring him around your family

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Wait to bring him around your family

If you think your friends are suspicious, your family is on a whole other level. Remember, your parents are in the marriage mentality. Anything that looks the least bit flaky to normal people looks a hundred times more flaky to your parents. You don’t want your family judging your new man’s integrity, or the validity of the relationship. So wait months before introducing them.

Wait to go around his friends

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Wait to go around his friends

Male friends are just as protective as female friends. You can almost bet that the entire time you were talking to this new guy but were still with the old guy, the new guy’s friends were telling him to stay the hell away from you. They were telling him that you were never going to leave your boyfriend for him. And now, suddenly, here you are. They’re just waiting for things to fall apart. Wait a while to meet them, until they see that the relationship is in fact solid. After you’ve been with their good buddy for a while, they have to pay you respect.

Wait to go around his family

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Wait to go around his family

The truth is, most relationships that are based off of one person coming directly from another relationship don’t work out. And every time a guy introduces his girlfriend to his family, they get their hopes up. There will be some guilt, and some taboo around your newly formed relationship for a while. Wait for that to settle—to make sure it doesn’t break you—before you meet the family.

Be sure you know this person

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Be sure you know this person

Remember: most people seem great within the first couple of months. And if you’ve been in another relationship, while getting to know this new guy, you had even less opportunity to get to know this man in a real way. So ask yourself, how well do you really know this man? If he’s not that compatible with you, any time you two argue, or he bothers you, you’ll resent him because you left someone else for him.

Is he the whole package

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Is he the whole package? Or just a supplement?

Sometimes, when a certain quality is seriously lacking in our partner, all we see is that quality in other people. Any time another person has it, we hone in on it. And we idealize them. So, do you know this new man as a whole person? Or do you just like him because he fills in the holes where your current partner is lacking?

Do not move in with the new guy

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Do not move in with the new guy

If you lived with the old boyfriend, it will be tempting to just move in with the new boyfriend. But don’t do it. Unless you were carrying on a full-fledged affair with the new guy, you have no idea what it will be like to live with him. You’ll already be a bit of an emotional wreck after leaving one man for another. You’ll be an even bigger one if such a large decision as to move in with a man turns out to be the wrong one. You don’t need to be apartment hunting right after two breakups.

Don’t fight your way out of your relationship

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Don’t fight your way out of your relationship

Out of the guilt you feel over already having a new guy lined up, you might be looking for other reasons to leave your man. You might want to tell yourself that it’s not for a new guy, but because of reason x, y, and z. And so you might start picking fights with your man. But all that does is further degrade a relationship that you could have otherwise walked out of semi peacefully. Look: you’re going to put your guy through a lot of pain, no matter what. Don’t let his memory of you be that of a total .

Be careful on Facebook

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Be careful on Facebook

Like any normal guy, your ex will probably be scoping out your Facebook page, or have his friends doing it for him. Don’t check in at every romantic restaurant you and your new man are going to. Don’t post pictures of beautiful sunsets—whether or not your new guy is in the picture. Keep a low profile.

Don’t jump into a full-fledged relationship immediately

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Don’t jump into a full-fledged relationship immediately

You’re already in nesting mode because you just came out of a serious relationship. You want a boyfriend now. But, too bad. It’s never a good idea to move too fast, and that still applies when you leave one man for another. You’ll naturally have high expectations for the commitment your new man makes to you—both time commitment and emotional commitment—because you left such a close, intimate relationship to be with him. But control those expectations, because they could be the end of your new relationship. Be careful not to smother your new man.

Do not talk to your ex

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Do not talk to your ex

Naturally, it’s not a good idea to talk to your ex since you’re hoping to keep from him the fact you’re already with someone else. But also, your new partner will be very sensitive, wondering if you are truly, fully over the person you just left. You’ve committed to this decision to be with the new person, so commit. You avoid pain for all parties involved if you cut off communication with the ex.

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