15 Men You Shouldn’t Even Bother Dating Unless You’re A Glutton For Punishment

April 2, 2013  |  

People aren’t always who they appear to be. After dating a guy for a little while or after getting to know a man for a few weeks, you may realize that he isn’t exactly what you thought or expected him to be. And in the dating pool, there are definitely some men that you want to avoid dating at all costs, here are 15 of them.

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The player

No woman really wants to date a player, but for some reason a lot of females are attracted to them. Newsflash: a player has and wants no future with you. As the name entails, he’s doing nothing but playing you, wasting your time, and letting you go whenever he’s found a new lady to mess with. Players only want side pieces, and we’re all worth a lot more than that.

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The jobless man

A man without a job should have no use to you. A man who is jobless obviously lacks a lot of ambition, skill, or maybe both. Unless you find that he has a good excuse, i.e. he just got laid off and he’s looking consistently for a new job, you’ll want to stay away from guys with no income. Unemployment doesn’t count and in the end he may try to reel you in and have you pay his bills.

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The extremely insecure man

We all have our insecurities and often times we work towards them to help eliminate them altogether. Dating a man with a lot of insecurities is extremely time consuming and in the end, it can be really tough. You have to deal with a lot of jealousy, insecurity, trust issues, and so on. A relationship with an insecure man is bound to be a chore.

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The basement dweller

Tough situations may require someone to move back in with their parents temporarily, and that’s an acceptable situation, as long as it’s temporary. However, if you come across a guy who lives with his parents, doesn’t pay rent, and has no motivation to move out, you definitely need to move on. There’s nothing attractive about a basement dweller who has to share his personal space.

"Man wearing a crown"

The wannabe king

Ahh, a king without his crown. You may one day run into a guy who expects to be treated like royalty. He wants you to cook, clean, and do his laundry for him. All the while he isn’t helping one bit. A guy with such high expectations isn’t likely to be one who treats you right. You deserve to be treated like a queen, or at least like a princess, not the other way around.

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The dad to too many

When a guy is 25 with three children by three different women, you better have a huge red flag going off in your head. Men with a lot of kids by various different women usually aren’t worth dating. Chances have it that you’ll get caught up in the already existing baby mama drama, and we all know how that turns out. Avoid the guy with several baby mamas, you’ll thank yourself later.

"sad man pf"

The bag man

Though women are mostly portrayed as the one’s with baggage, men have it too. Be wary of guys who seem to carry around a lot of baggage, especially relationship baggage. If he’s still lingering on his ex or if he brings up the past a lot, don’t waste much more time on him. Baggage will only cause problems later on down the road.

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The narcissist

Dating a narcissist is never wise. There’s nothing worse than a man who is completely self-centered and unconcerned about anyone but himself. Though narcissists are likely to look nice and dress nice, they’re only worried about themselves. His care for you is more than likely non-existent.

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The lazy boy

He has on and off jobs. He spends a lot of time on the couch. He doesn’t do a lot of cooking or cleaning and when he does he usually only half-asses it. He’d rather stay in than spend the night out having fun. Lazy is his middle name. Does any of this sound appealing? Probably not!

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The one-night-stander

One night stands can have their perks, especially if you’re in needy mode. But, dating a guy who wants nothing but bedroom time with you is a mere waste of time. What good is a man if he only wants to get you in bed and then find his way out of it as quickly as possible? If he’s having one-night stands with you, he’s more than likely doing it with others.

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The overly frugal man

There is absolutely nothing wrong with saving money and finding deals. However, there is a line that should be drawn. If this man will only take you out to dinner to restaurants when he has a coupon or if you’re only allowed to order off the happy hour drink menu when wine is $5 a glass, it’s time to reconsider. Being frugal is one thing, but being cheap is a completely different trait.

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The non-budger

He’s completely set in his ways. This guy doesn’t want to try anything new and he has no plans to make any changes to what he likes, knows, and does. Dating a man who is set in his own ways and refuses to budge will definitely lead to boredom on your part. It’ll also make for an extremely one-sided relationship.

"black man shrugging shoulders pf"

The clueless man

When you ask him to make decisions he declines. He often answers questions with “nothing” or “I don’t know/care.” You ask him about his future and the slate is completely blank. Dating a guy who has no answers and has no idea what he wants is only going to be a huge headache. Save yourself the stress and avoid dating this guy.

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The heavy drinker

There’s nothing wrong with drinking, especially when you know your limits. However, dating a guy who loves to drink and drinks almost every night will only smells like trouble..and liquor.  A man who lives to drink and drinks to live will be costly in the end. What’s the fun in getting drunk every weekend? Guys tend to act like fools when they’re drunk anyway!

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The overly emotional man

A man who readily expresses and shows his emotions is rare to find, but an overly emotional man isn’t such a great pick. Men who are overly emotional tend to go the extreme with lots of crying and a lot of anger. Usually this men will tick at the drop of a pin. A man who has no control over his emotions isn’t usually a good guy to date.

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The overly-controlling man

He expects you to abide by his rules, and what he says goes. He doesn’t want you to have a lot of male friends. After your first date he urges you to delete your dating profile and change your Facebook status. These are all signs of a man who is very controlling. This type of guy will only lead to a lot of trouble.

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  • English Oak

    I’m curious as to why a woman should need a variety of separate male friends whilst in a relationship. Surely the most emotionally secure lady would still question her man spending time with a variety of other women, even under the auspices of them being ‘friends’…what is he getting from them that she cannot provide? It would feel like a poor indictment of my standing as a man that my partner chooses the companionship of other men over me. For myself, when I am in a relationship I want to spend as much time with my partner as I can. She is funny, interesting, smart, caring, considerate, understanding and loyal…why would I need to seek out other women for the very same qualities she possesses?

    • Charles Ashley

      Women like to have backups. That’s why.

      • Charles Ashley

        Excuse me, *girls.

  • imnotsayingimsupersaying

    What the author wrote about the wannabe king was completely stupid. I mean seriously I understand that if a guy expects a woman to cook, clean, and do his laundry for him even if he does not give anything in return it can cause serious problems, but the article didn’t even say “expects” it said “wants” and lets be honest ladies we all want to receive things without having to give anything in return for them so wanting something and not wanting to give anything in return does not make an individual undateable, if it did everyone would be undateable. Another problem I have with the wannabe king is what the author said at the end “You deserve to be treated like a queen, or at least like a princess, not the other way around.” Really? A woman deserves to be treated like a queen or a princess and the man is to be expected to wait on her hand and foot? Even if she is just an average woman and he is just an average man? Sounds like the author of this article is either trying to get under people’s skin, has serious entitlement issues, or is bad at choosing words.

  • act

    Lol sounds like women should just stay away from black men. ..

  • Chrisdee Bowman

    Fully agreed. Message is RUN, FOREST, RUN! The gist of the article is that character counts. Although no person is perfect, significant character flaws (lying, cheating, insecurity, controlling, cheap, disrespectful… )then you should not waste your time with the individual – whether male or female. Lack of character is indiscriminate..but indicative of someone who is not ready for any long-term meaningful relationship.

  • Chrisdee Bowman

    Fully agreed. Message is RUN, FOREST, RUN! The gist of the article is that character counts. Although no person is perfect, significant character flaws (lying, cheating, insecurity, controlling, cheap, disrespectful… )then you should not waste your time with the individual – whether male or female. Lack of character is indiscriminate..but indicative of someone who is not ready for any long-term meaningful relationship.

  • Amy L. Cook

    Congratulations… You have just eliminated every man that has ever lived and who ever will live. We all have our quirks and faults. The secret to a successful relationship is to learn to tolerate another person, no matter what their faults. While I agree that people exhibiting the extremes of the behaviors you described in this article should be avoided (and probably have a mental condition they should tend to), you are going to have a VERY hard time finding someone without mild insecurities, flaws, problems, baggage, and the like . A lot of you are young readers, and you need to realize that people DO change as they grow. If you were to hold me up to the person I was when I was 25, you would be hard pressed to recognize me based on behavior. Some of us just have to live life and make a lot of mistakes before we can learn to be whole people. The bottom line is, you are never going to find the perfect man. He does not exist.
    P.S. It is very annoying trying to read this web page with so many active advertisements. Every time I get half way through a paragraph, some ad makes the whole screen jump 6 inches and I lose my place. No one ever reads these things, anyway, so why don’t you lay off?

    • Chrisdee Bowman

      Perfection does not exist, but character does. No one is judging anyone who has not developed character. Some develop sooner than others, all the article is stating is that during the development phase, those who have progressed a bit further do not want or need to be involved with the underdeveloped where character is concerned. I have no problem with giving someone time to grow, but we both need to recognize where we are and not cause more harm than good.

  • bobby1977

    wow! this is crazy. men aren’t perfect and women aren’t either. we as people possess all these qualities at one point in life and a times still due. real love is about compromise. we are human.

    • Eric Scott

      FINALLY…a sane comment

  • citizenrich

    Is this “blog” directed towards Africans in America? Because my black secretary told me the best you could hope for with a black man is a 600 credit score. And, that’s pushing it!

    • maggie

      When Africans come to America, they succeed and do quite well. Maybe your words are twisted.

      • tracy

        Do not forget Carribeans, as in Jamaican, Guyanese and Trinidadians etc who do very well with perfect credit.

    • tracy

      Not true, when discussing black men we have to consider class and education. My brother is black with an 800 credit score. My dad had one too. Black people have to be a collective because of racism but we are NOT the same and unfortunately its the loud talking ones that like to portray that al blacks are alike when were are vastly different.

    • Misty-Mac

      Your Black secretary should widen her horizons and stop hanging around in the lower socioeconomic crowd. If she wants a Black man with a great credit score she should first have one herself, which would bring her into contact with a higher socioeconomic group of people.

      In other words, back away from the projects.

    • Eric Scott

      ouch

  • eyeman

    That’s right ladies. Only date perfect men. What you dont seem to recognize is the perfect man is really just a woman. Hmmmm what does that make all of you?

    • Laquesha

      Yes, a perfect man is the only one I’m interested in dating, or I will go gay.

      • Eric Scott

        lol good luck

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  • Now wait a minute this article is written as if all the women are perfect! I say date the person you love and improve together. First date at closest church!

    • Laquesha

      Not church!

  • White Guy

    One photo of a white man, and it was associated with the LAZY GUY. Out of shape and clueless-looking, while all the other photos were of well-dressed, fit, good-looking black men. Nah….that isn’t racist at all. Shame on you, MN.

    • Laquesha

      Yes, that pretty much sums it up!

    • Eric Scott

      This page can get pretty racist/feminist. Watch out

  • Ann

    Ashley, thank for writing this article. However, you just wasted your precious time and you could have selected another topic to write in place. Some women just refuse to learn the lesson on dating these type of men and want to be a glutton for punishment, get their butts kicked, and their heads whipped and want to pay the price. For some reason, they think they are special and can change the man. Hello and Newsflash: you cannot change a man or anybody, it is up to the individual if he has the heart and wants to sincerely change. I don’t know what is going to take for women to realize that once they see the signs of the type of men indicated in the above article they need to run in the other direction but sadly some don’t.

  • miemie

    That man can CONTROL me any day! :p

  • Alphonso’s Wifey

    I dated the insecure man, the baggage man and the fugal man, I look back on them now say to myself “why did I waste my time on those losers.Now glad that I’m married to a man who is a police officer and gives me and our 2 kids the world and I do the same for him.

    • Nicki

      Aww that’s awesome 🙂

  • Natasha T

    LOL at the Overly Controlling man pic. He’s cute but the angry face is so ROFL!

  • kerry

    hmmm from looking at the “Overly Controlling” man , maybe im alright with it and could get use to it. lol

    • kerrypleasebejoking

      It stops being cute……right around 1st bruise. #StopMakinLightOfAbusiveMen#

      • Eric Scott

        whoa…that escalated quickly

    • SXQN

      Don’t let outward appearance lead to a dangerous nightmare. Controlling turns to Abusive when he thinks/finds that he can NOT control you. It’s nothing to laugh about or at..*BeenThereDoneThatGotTheCourtCaseToProveIt*

  • Bequia

    What about 15 women a man shouldn’t bother dating? That would be interesting…the extremely insecure woman, the “clothes pins” – women who when you squeeze their heads, their legs open, women with no ambition (lawd…they are the worst…lol)…I can go on

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  • In today’s economy, I can’t really hate on someone who doesn’t have a job if he’s looking for one, in school, or otherwise making use of his time (helping at home, volunteering, et cetera). Jobs aren’t just laying around waiting to be taken, and I know a lot of brilliant, motivated people who can’t find work right now. If he’s laying around watching TV or otherwise being a bum, that’s different.

    • York

      Forget that; throw that man as much shade as humanly possible! If a man uses the state of the economy as his reason for not making a living, RUN. He better get his hindparts up and sell some Avon….he doesn’t need to wait for a JOB to hire him to generate legal income!

  • I dated the insecure guy…he was the type who also had to make a comment to me after any guy commented on one of my fb pics or if they approached me when i am out.. it was always “go be with your fb stalker” or something to that extent… actually glad to be done with that headache.

    • Insecure Folks Must GO

      An insecure man is the equivalent to a rabid pet. I don’t care HOW many ‘Strong Black Woman’ Degrees a sistah has attained. You WILL be effected by involvement and/or any attempts to instill assurance and confidence in a weakling who irrationally holds [her] responsible for Allllllllllllllllllllllllll his hangups (of which there are more than the # of letters in the alphabet!!!). They even find a way to question [her] Fidelity and Loyalty when she takes time away from him to spend with Immediate Blood Relatives – for a coupla hours. Expect the cell phone to ring and interrupt every moment. Be prepared to answer ridiculous questions (“you still love me, right?” “yo mamma/sister/cousin ain’t there tryna hook u up wit’ a new man, right?” “what y’all doin? put me on speakerphone”) Expect to cancel any plans for self-advancement (“what about meeeeeeeee?”) Expect to watch your personal identity diminish into nothing but the faded photographs of the You before Him…..and kiss that good-bye too. He’ll probably assume ‘another man’ took the picture and conveniently make it disappear – like any other signs of an autonomous existence. NO THANK YOU! Worse thing is; 1 outta 3 men ARE extremely insecure!

      • Nicki

        You arree soooooo right…..it’s exhausting! My ex couldn’t shop or drive without calling me cuz he said he didn’t like being alone. Just plain ol’ tiring!

      • SXQN

        You are VERY correct! I dated one who cut all HIS friends off because he wanted us to spend “quality time together”, and expected me to do the same. If I hugged a mutual male friend in greeting he would pout for hours and give me a lecture on why the hug could lead to other “liberties”. I just couldn’t take it anymore!

  • Reese

    I’ve dated guys who are combinations of some of the listed characters. They always left me emotionally drained and worse for the wear. Gosh!