The Dos And Major Donts Of Fighting With Your Man

March 20, 2013  |  
couple fighting

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You’ve heard it many times before but that’s because it’s true: fighting is a necessary part of a healthy relationship. If you’re with a guy and you fight here and there, consider yourself to have found a good match. Fighting doesn’t always have to be detrimental to a relationship. In fact, it’s human nature to have conflict. However, in order to keep fighting between you and your man beneficial, there are some dos and don’ts that definitely need to be followed, or else fighting can become a relationship ender.

"Couple arguing - PF"

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Listen to what is being said

This goes without thought and saying, but sometimes during an argument, we like to tune out what the other person is saying. Usually your partner will pick up on this quickly and when it’s your turn to speak your piece, don’t expect him to listen to you if you choose not to listen to him. During an argument, keep your ears open and digest every word.

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Shutterstock

Don’t include personal attacks

Going for the jugular is never smart during an argument. Though we can all get caught up in the heat and frustration, it’s important that you’re able to control your urge to lash out and say something painful. No matter how angry you are, try to express it through yelling opposed to dishing out insults and personal attacks.

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Be honest and speak your mind

Fighting is all about saying what you have to say. During an argument there’s no need to hold any of your thoughts and feelings back. If you’re really hurt, angry, or sad, let your partner know, and explain why. If you don’t speak your mind completely, the problem won’t be fixed as well as it could be.

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shutterstock

Don’t becoming threatening or intimidating

Though this usually goes for men, women too can become threatening and intimidating during an extremely heated argument. Fighting gives you no right to threaten your partner. No matter if they’re emotional or physical threats and no matter if you’re just talking the talk, threats should never be used.

"black couple arguing"

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Pick a wise time to fight

Fighting around friends, family, or in public is a definite no-no. If you’re itching to speak your mind, do so in the right environment, or else you’re bound to set the stage for embarrassment. It’s never smart to fight over the phone or at a time when one of both of you is too tired to have a healthy and purposeful discussion.

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Shutterstock

Don’t throw mockery into the mix

Arguments can become annoying and frustrating, but there’s no need to throw mocking into the mix. Don’t impersonate your partner or reply back to him in a dismissive tone. You’ll also want to avoid body gestures that do nothing but make the situation worse.

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Shutterstock

Bring up problems before they grow

It’s the little things that usually blow up into a huge argument. When something is bothering you, don’t let it simmer and make you even angrier. The moment that you’re feeling some sort of bad emotion or when you really just need to have a talk, do so. Delaying things will only add fuel to the fire.

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Shutterstock

Don’t use alligator tears

Sometimes an argument may really bring you to tears, and that’s okay, let them flow. But, if you’re crying just to cry, you’re just being manipulative. Tears are bound to make your partner feel bad and if you’re crying just to have him concede, you’re playing one big emotional game. Turn the faucets off if you really aren’t sad.

"Black woman upset on phone - PF"

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Keep others out of it

Arguments are meant to be kept between you and your partner. If you’re arguing back and forth, there’s no need to call your mom or your best friend to help back you up. If you really have a problem with something in the relationship, you shouldn’t need others to defend you. Relationships involve two people and so should arguments.

"Couple fighting pf"

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Don’t bring up the past

Last week you fought about money problems and today you’re fighting about your man’s lack of help around the house. During your argument, keep past problems out of it. This will only sidetrack the argument and in the end, it’ll more than likely make things even worse, and the real issue won’t even be touched.

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Shutterstock

Apologize

Fights are rarely one-sided and 100% your fault or his fault. During the argument, or at least after, apologize when apologies are due. It takes two people to fight, so more than likely both of you have some wrongdoing to apologize for. Arguments don’t need to have a winner and a loser, they aren’t a game. When you both apologize, you both come out on top.

"black couple arguing pf"

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Don’t become controlling

Even if you completely disagree with what your partner is saying or feeling, it gives you no right to dismiss their words or thoughts. Being dismissive and invalidating your partner’s words and emotions won’t do any good. In the end you’ll only make that person feel even worse, and nothing will be solved.

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Shutterstock

Be physical, in the good way

Once the fight is over and done with, don’t hesitate to give each other a hug and a kiss. Physical touch after a fight shows that the angst between you two is really gone. A hug and a kiss can really go a long way in truly ending a fight, and showing that you’ve forgiven each other.

"Couple arguing pf"

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Don’t generalize

When arguing, try to avoid using the words always and never. Even if your man doesn’t help you with the dishes, it’s unlikely that he never helps around the help. Always and never overgeneralize the topic and make things worse than they really appear to be. If you’re upset about a certain thing that occurred on a certain day, be specific.

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  • chanela

    people actually do this? i’ve never had arguments in the relationships i’ve been in. no wonder why women can’t keep a man.. they can’t keep their mouth shut! SMH

  • jjac401

    I would have loved to read this but the multiple pages that I would have to go through are a pain. MN please consider another way that you can display information that would make it easier for your readers?

    • Megbabe

      You must be new here! lol

  • Meyaka

    I don’t fight with my mister,but if it ever comes down to it ,I will remember no low blows.