14 Times It’s Okay To Be Shady In Love And Dating

March 22, 2013  |  
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Sometimes, in the name of finding true love, keeping true love, or just keeping some self-respect, you have to play dirty. We’re all for open communication, saying what you mean and meaning what you say, but just every so often, it’s okay to play a game. In other words, it’s okay to be shady, or a bit of a b****, as men would say.

Flirting with another man

If your man has been taking you for granted lately, always making you drive to his house, practically ignoring you when you have on new lingerie, and expecting you to roll over on top of him and do all the work during sex—you may have forgotten your own worth. And to demand to be valued from your man, you need to remember how to value yourself. Nobody treats you better than a guy you’re flirting with for the first time ever at a bar: he’ll buy you drinks, compliment you, hang onto your every word like you’re the most interesting person in the world. And that will remind you, “Oh yeah! I’m kind of fabulous! And there are men out there happy to treat me as such. So my man better get with the program, or move over!” Now you’re ready to go tell your man how you want to be treated.

Having an escape plan on a date

Look, we get it: you feel bad because the guy took all the time to plan this great date, drove from the other side of town, and is obviously digging you. But look at it this way: if you are clearly not into the guy, not only will it kill his ego more the longer he has to sit with you as you do a horrible job pretending to like him, he’ll waste even more money and more time, when he could be on his merry way home, already getting over you and moving onto the next one. You do both of you a favor if you a fake an “emergency” and bounce early.

Ringing up a large bill

If your date is a decent guy, be money conscious. See if he orders an appetizer, how expensive the drink is he gets, and maybe what brand of clothing he is wearing before planning out how many dollars you’re going to have him drop on you. But, here’s a fun way to turn a date around with a total douche: if a man is clearly rude, arrogant, sexist, egotistical and just a douche, don’t call him out just yet. First, order the priciest glass of champagne, the lobster and two desserts. Then, tell him you think it’s best you never see each other again.

Warning other women about him

For the most part, whether or not a guy is a “good guy” is subjective. Just because you didn’t like the way things played out between you and him doesn’t make him a bad guy. But, sometimes, a guy just is a bad guy. Sometimes he does or says something that makes it very clear he thinks he’s God’s gift to womankind, and is entitled to acting like a jerk. If this happens, by all means, let all the other women in your common social circle know. You owe it to womankind to save them from one more jerk. And that jerk’s pool of options should drastically shrink until he’s forced to re-think his behavior.

Doing your research

So long as you have a good head on your shoulders, can discern gossip from reality, and don’t struggle with paranoia theories, you should use the Internet to your advantage to get an advance screening of your date. You might learn the guy has been in prison three times! You might learn of some traumatic event he was involved in, so you know certain topics not to bring up. You might learn he is married. Or, you might learn nothing at all. Still it’s worth it to save yourself from dating a convict.

Sleeping with a cheater’s friend

Never do this as revenge— it’s never satisfying, and in the end makes you feel the cheater has gotten yet another piece of your heart, because you gave your body to someone all because of the emotional damage the cheater did to you. But, should you by chance just be into the friend of an ex who cheated on you, go for it. You owe that ex nothing, and you get the added bonus of him having that, “Huh. She was a catch…I screwed that one up!” moment when he hears about the rendezvous.

Pretending you’re busy

Sometimes your boyfriend needs to be reminded you’re not at his beck and call. He needs to remember that you are a wanted woman—wanted by friends, by your career, by an active social life—and he’s gotta work for your time. Men can fall into a pattern of expecting to just have you when they want you, and even though they do appreciate you, they can fail to show it. If this begins to happen, sometimes simply making yourself unavailable for a few days or weeks can get your man’s thinking back on track. It can have him think, “I miss her! I didn’t realize how much I loved having her around, and now she’s not here!” You can count on some well-planned dates from him after that.


Making him wait for that text back

Men are terrible at texting back in a timely manner. They have the tendency to see a text and think, “I’ll respond to that later.” It’s not that we women need that response right away. We just feel disrespected when we know how easy it would have been for the man to give it. And he didn’t!!! So, cut him off from the constant communication a little. Let him wait three or four hours for a response from you. You’ll quickly see the, “Hello?”, “Baby??” “I miss you!” texts rolling in. And then, he’ll jump to answer when you get back to him.

Making it really difficult for him to get some

In a relationship, men can get lazy in bed. They get so accustomed to not having to work to get sex, that they really stop working to get it at all, often just reaching over, half asleep, grabbing your hand and placing it on their member, with a little devilish smile on their face like, “Aren’t you going to do something about this?” You’re his girlfriend, and you want to please him, so you go along with it. But stop that! Make it difficult for him to get it—really difficult. Say you don’t feel like it, that you’re tired, and roll over. He may not respond immediately, but if this goes on for a few nights, you’ll suddenly find him in full-on-seduction mode. He’ll be pulling out all the stops to get in your pants when he’s realized, “Oh yeah…I don’t just get sex whenever I want it.”

Leaving (almost) right after sex

Men don’t realize what it does to our egos and emotions when they just pass out right after sex, or get up to play a video game. So make them realize. If your man has been cutting the cuddle time short, next time you finish making love, immediately get up and go do something else. He’ll be shocked, and realize that when you’re not just laying in bed at his disposal, he really wants you there!

Laying out what you’re not into

If you just aren’t turned on by a man who is shorter than you, overweight, unemployed or lives at home, you’re not doing anyone any favors by pretending you are. Yes, it feels harsh to simply state—maybe in an online dating profile, or maybe to a guy’s face—“Sorry, I don’t date men who don’t have a job,” but at least you can both stop wasting your time.

Looking around his place

Reading his email and opening drawers is an invasion of privacy, but when a guy leaves you alone at his place, don’t be shy to look at what is available for the looking: photo albums that are out, home-video collections all lined up on the shelf, old birthday cards stuck to the refrigerator. If the guy is still hung up on an ex, the evidence will be there, without much snooping required, and it’s better to know now rather than later!


Going over but not staying over

He thinks he’s won. You’re at his place. You guys had a great date. He’s finally going to get to sleep with you. Nuh-uh! If you want a guy to see you as girlfriend material, you can manipulate his mind a little. Go over to his place multiple times when he invites you, hang out, make out on the couch, but do not stay over. If he has stored visuals of you in his home, he’ll start to feel more of a commitment to you. And since he doesn’t have stored visuals of, eh-em, anything else, you’re not just the woman he’s sleeping with. Make him take you seriously.


Bringing your laptop

Another way men can take you for granted after you’ve been dating a while is they can stop trying to entertain you when you go to their place. It’s great that you’re comfortable and don’t feel the need to do something special every night, but your guy shouldn’t just be getting up to kiss you hello and getting back to his video game for two more hours. Beat him at his own game: bring your laptop. Believe it or not, he wants you to watch him play those video games/read his comic books/talk on the phone with friends. He feels like you’re still hanging out, even though it’s no fun for you. But if you bring your own form of entertainment, he’ll finally feel the distance you’ve been feeling and he will not like it. Most of the time, men will quickly shut off that video game when they see your laptop pop open and say, “Wait! What are you doing? Are we not hanging out?”

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